Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You also didn't mention the type of work your husband was previously in. That might give people a clue about helping.
I'll also second Dave Ramsey -- his old fashioned, hard-core common sense has been lacking in the media for a long time! Enough of the bleading heart Oprahs, Dr. Phils, etc.
To the OP, it is depressing for the situation you are in and it it one I heard not too long ago with my younger sister. I will not bore you with her and her husbands woes and the ultimate demise of their relationship but I will offer you the same advice I gave my, well, ex bother in law.
When you do not have a job, your job is to get out there and cold call, and cold visit potential places of employment. You do this for 8 hours a day if need be and re-visit places after a week or two. Now you might land a job but it just might not be what your husband wants to do but at least it is income coming into the house. Besides, he can use that job as a spring board to get a better job.
I hate hearing about lazy guys, shoot, I have 5 brothers, the youngest is sooooooooooo lazy, it took my parents to get a divorce for him to move out of the house at the tender young age of 28, lol He is still just as lazy but at least he now works at Sams club.
I will bash your situation, you do not need to hear it, you know what the reality is but it doesn't sound like your husband does. Like a previous poster said, if you pay the bills, then you DEMAND that your husband sit with you and do it also. He needs to see with his own eyes the financial situation you are in.
Also, there are programs out there that may be able to help you. Check with the city or local churches, they may even have support groups that meet and you sound like you could use that about now.
I would like to ask one more thing, when your husband is at home all day, does he clean the house? dust and vacuum? do the laundry and dishes? or do you have that job to do when you get home? If it is the later then I really feel for you, because you obviously married my younger brother. I am kidding of course but you see my point, you need to put your foot down realize that marriage does not mean the woman serves the man, and divorce is real. I say this humbly from first hand experience.
Keep your chin up, look into the churches and city for support and remember, there is no shame in saying you need help.
Michael
Great advice, Michael....I was thinking the same thing myself. There is work out there for those who want it, if it means washing dishes, doing janitorial work, or working in a fast food restaurant for awhile. You have to do more than make phone calls and apply online....you have to just go in and ask as well. ANY job is admirable if it means helping to pay bills and put food on the table as opposed to sitting around the house feeling sorry for oneself.
I'm doing very well now, but 26 years ago as a newly divorced single mother (whose ex could not be located to pay child support for several years), I was making a pitiful beginning teacher's salary and made ends meet by tutoring and babysitting after school, composing and typing resumes, and cleaning vacation rentals on Kiawah on Saturdays (my son could go with me). Looking back, I don't know HOW I had the energy to do all of that, plus keep up with a 2-year-old and maintain my household, but I did what I had to do. It made me a stronger person and instilled in my son a strong work ethic - which my parents had also instilled in me.
The OP seems to have her head on right and her feet on the ground and her husband needs to do the same.
Then you're telling him not to even try....don't do anything because he probably won't get a job anyway? Maybe they should just go on Welfare since he won't be able to get a job, no matter what?
I don't buy it....what a shameful attitude. He just needs to get out there and try, is all I'm saying! Jeez.
FYI: My 72-year-old mother is working 3 days a week in a shop downtown.....we were in there browsing back in April and she happened to make a comment about what a cute shop it was and how she wouldn't mind working in a place like that. Mind you, there was no "Help Wanted" sign up, but the owner said, "As a matter of fact, I could use some help a few days a week." Mom filled out an application and started working a few days later. IT CAN BE DONE.
I know it's not the end of the world for me. I am depressed because my situation is getting worse and worse. I wonder if I will ever be financially stable and can get past this financial crisis.....
I found this forum and just decided I need to vent. I do vent very well through writing. It helps me get everything out of my head and down on the paper or the screen.
I have a full time stable job. I have been working for the past year to support myself and my husband until he gets on his feet with a job. I am striving every week to pay bills, rent, food, and recently I was involved in an auto accident that has caused me so much time and money. I have a $500 deductible that I have to pay in order to get my car back and no money to pay it. I have a bank account overdrawn to pay bills, and I recently dished out most of my money just to be able to pay necessary bills and pay for a rental car. Living on very little food. My fridge is pretty much empty my pantry has a few cans of peas and ramen noodles. I am to the point where I don't know what to do, how to be able to afford to live and work and how to be able to support me and my husband on one income.
My husband has no job and no car and always finds execuses for not being able to walk to a store and apply just to make a few extra dollars to be able to make ends meet. I have never thought that it would be this hard to just get on my feet and make it and now I am worried more than ever that I am going to keep getting set back until I have to move in with family and friends.
I am more along the lines of venting when I write this but any helpful advice would be appreciated too. You never truly know dissappointment, shame, and helplesness until you have been literally slapped in the face with it. I try and I try to get my husband to take on the load and I don't believe in divorce he is a great man aside from the fact he wont find work. I just don't know what else to do...
Am I reaching the end of the rope?
I am worried about the future. I am worried how much longer am I going to be able to survive where I am and not have to move in with my parents and move backwards and I don't know what else to do.
I'll give you the truth. Sometimes it hurts....
"My husband has no job and no car and always finds execuses for not being able to walk to a store and apply just to make a few extra dollars to be able to make ends meet."
Then you're telling him not to even try....don't do anything because he probably won't get a job anyway? Maybe they should just go on Welfare since he won't be able to get a job, no matter what?
I don't buy it....what a shameful attitude. He just needs to get out there and try, is all I'm saying! Jeez.
FYI: My 72-year-old mother is working 3 days a week in a shop downtown.....we were in there browsing back in April and she happened to make a comment about what a cute shop it was and how she wouldn't mind working in a place like that. Mind you, there was no "Help Wanted" sign up, but the owner said, "As a matter of fact, I could use some help a few days a week." Mom filled out an application and started working a few days later. IT CAN BE DONE.
No, I'm saying to get an objective idea of what the odds are in finding a job in this Depression.
And there is nothing wrong on using what little social support structure we have in this country (welfare, food stamps) to get through hard times which were not caused by wage earners, but by greed and corrpution among business and government elites.
Wonder how mom would be doing if that shop job was her only income?
Then you're telling him not to even try....don't do anything because he probably won't get a job anyway? Maybe they should just go on Welfare since he won't be able to get a job, no matter what?
I don't buy it....what a shameful attitude. He just needs to get out there and try, is all I'm saying! Jeez.
I agree completely! People see these facts and statistics, and they give up before they even try. Six job seekers for every job doesn't sound so terrible if you turn it around and tell yourself "I only have to be more impressive than five other people".
I know it's tough out there, and I'm also dreading when summer vacation ends and I have to start pounding the pavement, but I know if I take a defeatist attitude I'll be done before I even begin.
To the OP, I am sorry that you and your family are struggling. I won't even guess what's up with your husband, but it does sound like he's pretty negative about finding a job. Looks like you'll have to continue to be the strong one, and maybe he'll be motivated by you.
I have a dear friend who's husband was laid off two years ago. After a bit of freakout on their parts, they decided to switch roles and now Dad is staying home with their young family, and Mom has discovered that what she thought was a mild photography talent was much more than that. She now makes double what her husband had been bringing home before the layoff.
Maybe you have a hidden talent that can be converted into a paycheck?
You're going hungry and you still state your husband is a great guy? No sorry he's not a great guy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
