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My first thought was that I would be nervous if I heard my third grader was being singled out by a school employee for special attention. However, it also seems that if the janitor was singling your son out at lunch in an odd way, that the teachers would notice. Maybe the janitor sits with all of the kids and your son happens to be friendly since he is sociable.
So I would find out what is going on and/or learn more about the janitor, and the principal could be a good way to do that, or maybe there are other questions you can ask your son.
If you find out that the janitor is singling your son out, then that seems odd to me. Even if the janitor means no harm, it seems like he should know not to focus on one child.
Maybe the janitor is a kindly older Grandpa-type,& your son reminds him of a child,grandchild or sibling he lost. Maybe he is a pedophile, & has his sights set on your son. Who knows? The first thing I would do is try to find out more info, pay a visit to the school ( your child forgot his lunch,backpack,pop in to drop it off, you came to join your son at lunch,etc,) talk to the principal, teacher, other parents,etc.... see if you notice anything out of the ordinary.Personally, I would want a look-see at the guy, & go on my gut instincts, as they have never done me wrong, but that's just me.
Meanwhile, make sure your son knows all about boundaries: what is appropriate, what isn't, etc. The majority of Bad Guys are people we know, rather than strangers. Make sure he knows what is acceptable behavior,& what isn't. Usually, predators go for the weak & susceptible
first, not the popular, outgoing kid, so it may be nothing. Good luck.
A school secretary has a legitimate reason to be in contact with a student. Maybe. A lunch lady? As long as the kid is in line. A janitor? No way. Call your school and ask if the maintenance staff is permittted to have direct one on one conversations (even in public) with your third grader other than in response to a question like "where is the drinking fountain on this floor?". Don't be surprised if they insist on names, dates and times because all he!! will break loose.
No wonder there is no longer a sense of community.
Could the janitor be a bad guy? Sure. Probably not. But children have instincts about these things and we are always as a society trying to talk them out of them. We force kids to hug and kiss people they barely know (or only see at holidays) but then tell them not to talk to strangers. No wonder kids are easily victimized when we talk in riddles to them.
Listen to your child, if he is comfortable with the situation he is probably fine. Also remind him that if he is even uncomfortable in any way to not worry about being "rude" but to listen to himself.
As for school employees talking to children, parents do not OWN their children. It is perfectly legal anywhere in this country for an adult to talk to a child as long as the child wants to talk to them and as long as it is not inappropriate in anyway.
My daughter was very friendly in early elementary school with an older female bus driver and the woman even went so far as to bring her a xmas gift she bought and wrapped. I thought it was odd too but when I asked my child about it she told me the bus driver was reminded of her grandchild who looks very much like my child. Most times people just take a liking to children in their acquaintance and its not about anything else.
My third grader has been talking for the last two months about how the janitor at his school is his friend. At lunch time, he often comes and sits next to my boy and chats with him. I asked him if he talks to the other kids, and apparently he does, but not as much. The janitor has told him that other kids are not that friendly to him, but my kid is ( I know for a fact that my kid is Mr Popular at school - every teacher goes out of their way to tell us that), so the janitor likes talking to him.
Well, yesterday, my son came home with a very nice Santa hat. When asked where he got it from, he said the janitor gave it to him as a present.
Maybe this is an innocent gesture, this is a friendly man, liking a polite and friendly third grader and wanted to give him something trivial. But am I being too paranoid? I am concerned as to why someone should single out my child out of many to be so nice. I hate being paranoid and suspicious, this is not me, but at the same time, I don't want to be naive. Before I send an email to the teacher ( this wont be a complaint, more like a fyi...) - not even sure I would do it, but I wanted to run it by you all - other parents and school staff. What would you do? Am I over-reacting?
Thanks,
B
There is no such thing as overreacting when it comes to protecting your child.
Putting aside the talk about kids needing interactions with many and various adults in their lives (which I totally agree with), this is what I don't like regarding this particular janitor:
Quote:
Originally Posted by macbeth01
The janitor has told him that other kids are not that friendly to him,
If I had been in the janitor's shoes, I would have never tried to badmouth a kid in order to get the sympathy of another. It seems too weird that he did that, even if ever so slightly.
When I was a kid (and I am not saying that this should be the universal truth, it's just my personal experience), the "good interactions" that I had with adults that were not part of my family were those in which it was me looking for their company and insisting on talking to them and asking questions etc.
Those few times when it happened that an adult was interested in talking to me at length, I backed away because I did not have a good feeling about it. I will never know whether I was right or not, except for one case in which I found out several years later that the guy, a teacher of one of my friends, was actually known for his vivid interest in everything that meant unusual sex.
It might be nothing wrong with the janitor, but taking into account the age of the kid, I would not allow him to have a close relationship with other adults unless I would have the possibility of totally supervising them in a direct (or discreet) way. Better safe than sorry.
No wonder there is no longer a sense of community.
I sure hope you are not blaming the messenger.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714
As for school employees talking to children, parents do not OWN their children. It is perfectly legal anywhere in this country for an adult to talk to a child as long as the child wants to talk to them and as long as it is not inappropriate in anyway.
You are so wrong about this I hesitate to even start with you. The school enjoys a special relationship with your child. It is called "in loco parentis." It is the law of every state. It is what permits the school to exercise parent-like authority over the children. But, it comes with some responsibilities and limitations and exposing your children to non teaching/non student service employees without parental consent is one of those limitations. Trust me on this. If the janitor turns out to be a bad guy (which I agree is very remote) the school knowing that he is having one on ones and giving gifts etc. to your child, they are getting their a$$es sued off and should.
Geez, I'm sorry to have to post this on Christmas, but you people posting on this topic are nutz. Or, you have never had children in school.
The school has a job to do. Educate your children. Their custody of your children is premised on the legitimacy of that undertaking. Anything else they do to your children is with your express consent. Ever notice those permission slips they send home? They don't do that because they like to waste paper, they do it because the law requires it. They don't take your kid to City Hall without your permission, they don't let stranger wander onto the school grounds and talk to your kid. Not because the stranger is a problem, he may be the best citizen in town only trying to be of help to your kid. They prohibit it because it is not a part of the legitimate function of educating your child. And, the janitor may be a wonderful guy, but he has no right to address your kid on so much as the weather without parental consent much less deep conversation about anything. The fact that he is employed by the school and lawfully on the premises tells us exactly nothing. The school's interior designer is in the same position, as is the payroll clerk for the school and the teachers' union president. But they have nothing to do with educating your kid.
I'd report it in a heartbeat.
That's a pretty extreme view and I don't think that really holds true in any school. If an adult working at the school asks a kid to do something they better do it. Janitors are part of daily functioning at a school and constantly come in contact with students. Who's mess do you think they are cleaning up? Even on the street I would treat someone with courtesy and respect, more so if they are cleaning up your child's mess every day. They don't need your permission or anyone else's to speak to someone. One of the mottos for our district for every employee is to treat each and every child as their own. There is no clause saying only if parents have given permission first and if it's a legitimate function of educating the child. The school is run by the employees and students are the guests. We are here every day whether your child is or not. We don't need permission to talk to anyone.
If what you say is true then are teachers not allowed to ask how a student is doing, if they had a good Christmas break, or anything not related to educating them? I think you would have a hard time fitting in with our school atmosphere or any school that cares at all about their students. I don't know any school where they expect teachers and other employees to just punch in and collect a paycheck.
That's a pretty extreme view and I don't think that really holds true in any school. If an adult working at the school asks a kid to do something they better do it. Janitors are part of daily functioning at a school and constantly come in contact with students. Who's mess do you think they are cleaning up? Even on the street I would treat someone with courtesy and respect, more so if they are cleaning up your child's mess every day. They don't need your permission or anyone else's to speak to someone. One of the mottos for our district for every employee is to treat each and every child as their own. There is no clause saying only if parents have given permission first and if it's a legitimate function of educating the child. The school is run by the employees and students are the guests. We are here every day whether your child is or not. We don't need permission to talk to anyone.
If what you say is true then are teachers not allowed to ask how a student is doing, if they had a good Christmas break, or anything not related to educating them? I think you would have a hard time fitting in with our school atmosphere or any school that cares at all about their students. I don't know any school where they expect teachers and other employees to just punch in and collect a paycheck.
Apparently you read neither the OP's recitation of facts or what I wrote. You should draw you own attention to the fact that the janitor is not telling a child to pick up some mess that the janitor has some relation to, he is having private personal conversations with the child and giving gift to that child alone. If you do not see the difference between the two, then the government should take your children and put them in foster care.
The students are the guests? What school district is this? Are you in the United States? If so, you should get re-oriented to the relationship you have with the students. God help them.
And, your false suggestion that I implied a teacher cannot converse with a student on appropriate topics just shows that your emotional attachment to the outcome of this discussion has gotten the better of you.
in plain view of other kids and teachers, he's got nothing to hide. aren't the sex abuse cases where the interactions are sly and hidden? it's already known the janitor interacts with the kid so he's got witnesses already in case he was planning anything
i remember in the 3rd grade there was a real arrogant but good teacher who took one or two other 3rd graders on a trip to Florida with him(the other kids were also arrogant). this goes back to the early 70's, not sure if such a thing would be allowed today even with parents permission
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- every teacher goes out of their way to tell us that), so the janitor likes talking to him.
if the janitor is interacting with the son
