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I am getting towards retirement age and being pretty good at math I have thought about volunteering my time to tutor a child. Perhaps meet at his home or maybe a parent would drop him off at the library where we could study and have fun for an hour or two a couple times a week. Fun? Ever see the look in a child's eyes as he finally "gets something"? To me the look of pride as he "finally gets it" is worth whatever effort it takes to put it there.
But I will never do this, there's just to much risk that a pat on the back could be taken totally out of context and ruin what I have left of my life.
My wife and I have a nice home, we've raised all of our children to adulthood through college which I paid for. We don't drink, do drugs or smoke but we do go to church every Sunday. We are comfortable, while not rich I earn more than average and with everything paid for we're just banking 40% of our take home pay because we have nothing else to spend it on. A few years ago we talked about taking in a foster child and we'd do it for free because a small investment of a few hundred dollars a month would be the best way to "invest" my money in a future.
But we will never do this, there's just to much risk that a pat on the back could be taken totally out of context and ruin what I have left of my life. I can hear the questions "what does he want with 13 year old Johnny?" when all I have are the purest of intentions.
I would like to be a boy scout leader but that will never happen. Coach little league would be cool but that would never happen either. People would wonder "why does that old guy want to be around children for?" and that might be all it takes.
Yes, there are sexual predators out there but I don't believe they are in numbers to the point they lurk under every single rock. The simple fact is most children are molested by people they know, people in the family. Stranger molestation is extremely rare but the mood of the country today seems to be if we jail all the men our children will be safe.
This whole country is being turned upside down. We pass Megan's Law to prevent child abductions and who gets snared? People like Ricky Ricky's Life
If you want to read a real horror story go to the link on Ricky.
In the meantime the war against white males is winning and you'll excuse me if I don't have anything to do with kids other than my grandkids.
Be real careful who you mention this to. In today's frightened litigious atmosphere the janitor could lose his job simply on an allegation. Talking to the principal probably would cost him his job because there is no way someone would risk a $20 million lawsuit when all that needs to be done is dump a janitor.
I only read half this thread, so I don't know if anyone else has asked this, but would you have these same "gut" feelings that something is wrong if this were a female janitor? Some of these post reek of man hating. It's a wonder that any man ever willingly goes into a career field that has any contact with children the way some of you are going on about how this poor guy must be a predator to even dare talk to a kid. Jesus, the news sure has made this country extremely paranoid. Obviously this man erred to dare even look upon your precious child, as we all know any man that has contact with your kid is clearly a sexual predator.
I am getting towards retirement age and being pretty good at math I have thought about volunteering my time to tutor a child. Perhaps meet at his home or maybe a parent would drop him off at the library where we could study and have fun for an hour or two a couple times a week. Fun? Ever see the look in a child's eyes as he finally "gets something"? To me the look of pride as he "finally gets it" is worth whatever effort it takes to put it there.
But I will never do this, there's just to much risk that a pat on the back could be taken totally out of context and ruin what I have left of my life.
My wife and I have a nice home, we've raised all of our children to adulthood through college which I paid for. We don't drink, do drugs or smoke but we do go to church every Sunday. We are comfortable, while not rich I earn more than average and with everything paid for we're just banking 40% of our take home pay because we have nothing else to spend it on. A few years ago we talked about taking in a foster child and we'd do it for free because a small investment of a few hundred dollars a month would be the best way to "invest" my money in a future.
But we will never do this, there's just to much risk that a pat on the back could be taken totally out of context and ruin what I have left of my life. I can hear the questions "what does he want with 13 year old Johnny?" when all I have are the purest of intentions.
I would like to be a boy scout leader but that will never happen. Coach little league would be cool but that would never happen either. People would wonder "why does that old guy want to be around children for?" and that might be all it takes.
Yes, there are sexual predators out there but I don't believe they are in numbers to the point they lurk under every single rock. The simple fact is most children are molested by people they know, people in the family. Stranger molestation is extremely rare but the mood of the country today seems to be if we jail all the men our children will be safe.
I am sorry that you are basing your life choices on fear.
As for the Wenatchee case... It's not quite so easily dismissed though there were obvious abuses in terms of the people who were accused. The problem was not that sexual abuse did not happen, but that it was blown out of proportion by incompetent people. Perhaps these folks wanted to make a name for themselves. It is really unfortunate that they did this at the expense of those they should have been protecting.
The Power to Harm: Children sacrificed for the case (http://www.seattlepi.com/powertoharm/history.html - broken link)
Quote:
From the beginning, what happened in Wenatchee didn't add up.
All the sex-abuse allegations there came from children who made accusations to police and social workers. Nationwide, 85 percent of such cases are first reported by teachers, doctors, relatives or care givers, not the children.
Twenty-two of the 43 people charged in Wenatchee were women. Nationwide, nine out of 10 people accused of child sex crimes are male.
Investigators in Wenatchee claim almost all of the victims' medical exams conclusively showed sexual penetration. Nationwide, only one in 10 exams confirm rape or molestation.
From the beginning, the Wenatchee cases were a puzzle of doubtful ethics, questionable legal tactics and dubious facts.
Quote:
There was, in fact, sexual abuse in Wenatchee, but not nearly as much as Perez and social workers say they uncovered. The detective insists he found 60 children, ages 5-16, who were raped or molested at least 29,726 times.
Evidence shows six or seven children probably were sexually abused by parents, neighbors or schoolmates.
I only read half this thread, so I don't know if anyone else has asked this, but would you have these same "gut" feelings that something is wrong if this were a female janitor? Some of these post reek of man hating. It's a wonder that any man ever willingly goes into a career field that has any contact with children the way some of you are going on about how this poor guy must be a predator to even dare talk to a kid. Jesus, the news sure has made this country extremely paranoid. Obviously this man erred to dare even look upon your precious child, as we all know any man that has contact with your kid is clearly a sexual predator.
Mn, the unfortunate fact of the matter is that an overwhelming majority of sexual predators are men.
OBVIOUSLY, just as saying "most ice cream is chocolate" is not the same thing as saying "most chocolate is ice cream," saying that "most sexual predators are men" does not mean "most men are sexual predators." It just means that if you have a sexual predator, that criminal is much, much more likely to be a man than a woman, just as if you had a kleptomaniac, that kleptomaniac is far likelier to be a woman than a man.
The gift was inappropriate. It should be returned. I don't care how, at this point, but the principal should know the gift was proffered, b/c it is probably against the school's policy for employees to give gifts to students. If it's not, it should be.
The suggestion for the mom to have lunch with her son is a good one, but be forwarned that the janitor will act differently around the OP's son if the mom is there. I think if any "surveillance" is done on the janitor's activities, it should be done by the school and be very low-key.
I will say it a million times - as a parent I trust my gut. This child has his entire life to make friends - and a lifetime of friends await him. The janitor should not be villified - nor should anyone reach conclusions. In fact if it were my child I would 1) introduce myself to him as the parent; 2) instruct my child to ignore him and coach him on how to do so; 3) continue to ensure that my relationship with my son is open and accepting so he would tell me enough for me to assist him as he grows up.
The Janitor is innocently chatting with the child - so what? He can chat up someone else's kid not mine - if I am concerned in the least bit - it ends -period. Even as a parent I am very cautious about my interactions with children - sadly its the world in which we live - I prefer the caution rather than regret.
I ran into this earlier this year at my daughter's 6th bday party at the local skating rink. This little girl I did not know from the neighborhood (apparently her older sister and my son were class mates a couple of years ago), latched onto me at the skating rink, probably because mom and dad didn't put on skates. I felt weird the whole time like everyone was giving me the evil eye even though all I did was hold her hand while we skated around the rink. It is sad, but as a father, I could see being paranoid if my daughter did that to someone else.
I ran into this earlier this year at my daughter's 6th bday party at the local skating rink. This little girl I did not know from the neighborhood (apparently her older sister and my son were class mates a couple of years ago), latched onto me at the skating rink, probably because mom and dad didn't put on skates. I felt weird the whole time like everyone was giving me the evil eye even though all I did was hold her hand while we skated around the rink. It is sad, but as a father, I could see being paranoid if my daughter did that to someone else.
My dh is often mobbed by little ones because he has a white beard and looks like Santa. He's always been friendly and he loves babies. It's really sad that people think he's an oddity.
I also think that some kids want to get attention from men because they may not have many men in their lives.
At the last school I worked at, the two main custodians (both male) were friendly with and liked by the kids. They were both trusted. Neither spent their working time hanging out with the kids, but if they had, they would not have been suspected of anything.
However, those of us contributing to this thread do not know the janitor OP's son is friends with. The principal of that school does. We do not know the policies of the school regarding janitor contact with students. The principal does. We don't know if the janitor is spending a lot of time sitting with this child, singling him out, wasting work time, etc. The principal can best figure it out.
I don't think the hat needs to be returned. I'd try to leave the child out of it.
At the last school I worked at, the two main custodians (both male) were friendly with and liked by the kids. They were both trusted. Neither spent their working time hanging out with the kids, but if they had, they would not have been suspected of anything.
However, those of us contributing to this thread do not know the janitor OP's son is friends with. The principal of that school does. We do not know the policies of the school regarding janitor contact with students. The principal does. We don't know if the janitor is spending a lot of time sitting with this child, singling him out, wasting work time, etc. The principal can best figure it out.
I don't think the hat needs to be returned. I'd try to leave the child out of it.
Maybe not, but the principal should be informed. I'd guess it's against school policy for a staff member to give a student a gift; if not, it should be.
I can not believe that so many people do not understand/notice/are not aware of the subtleties of the "grooming" process exhibited by pedophiles. Sadly, many pedophiles are in positions (teachers, camp counselors, spiritual leaders, Boy Scout leaders, coaches, etc) in which it does not raise eyebrows that they are in such close, intimate contact with children.
This mother should go with her gut and not compromise the well-being of her child just because some people think that she is overreacting. If she does not feel comfortable with this man having that type of contact with her child on that level then it should cease immediately.
Last edited by calipoppy; 12-30-2010 at 10:23 PM..
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