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The "Gift", The "Gift" The "Gift". I can't believe so many people are focusing on this like it's the Hope Diamond.
The fact is that janitors have TONS of crap like Santa hats that they typically dispose of. The hat could have been from a leftover Xmas party, it could have been off an old display, hell, a teacher probably gave it to him. The janitor probably just handed it to the boy one day rather than throw it out. A Santa cap is hardly an inducement for nefarious purposes. Maybe if it had been a brand new toy, or a gushing friendship card, or a picture of the janitor, that may be a different story.
What's with all the blather about how janitors shouldn't have time for talking to kids? My god people. You do know janitors have lunch breaks and regular breaks during the course of a shift. They don't spend 8 straight hours working. Do any of you high falutin' corporate types take breaks on your job?
Parents, please listen. You can't control every aspect of your child's life. You can't watch them every minute of every day. The absolute best thing you can do is talk with your childen and educate them about avoiding dangerous/unpleasant circumstances. Make it clear to them they can come to you anytime they are uncomfortable in any kind of situation. Watch closely for any change in behavior and question them if you sense such a change. Teach them about boundaries without unduly scaring them.
If you follow those guidelines, your child should be as safe as they can possibly be. After that, let them grow up and experience life. Don't create an atmosphere where they're afraid of every person who speaks to them.
BTW, when you sons grow into high school age, are you going to forbid them from having female teachers? Look at all of the predatory females that have been caught with their underage students.
I would be wary. What business does a janitor have taking breaks with the kids? You can't compare them to teachers who have a role in educating the children. The janitors are there to clean up and sometimes perform maintenance. My view might be clouded by the fact that when I was growing up all the janitors were basically a bunch of losers/alchoholics who couldn't get any other sort of job. I would see them walking around, doing their jobs, but they should have plenty to do and their lunch breaks should be spent in their own lounge/break room. If they have enough time to be making friends with a bunch of kids, our tax dollars are being misused.
Go and talk to the teacher. This is a 3rd grade child. How do you know exactly what happened. Many kids tell a different version of the story and it gets blown out of porportion. (adults for that matter).
When my kids were in 7th grade one daughter told her mom that there was a camera in the girls bathroom that videotaped them while in the bathroom. It was blown way out of wack, moms telephoning each other, parents saying never to use the bathroom, parents planning on going to the school board, planning on suing the school, etc. When I received the phone call I said I didn't believe it. I called the school and asked what it was - it was an automatic air freshner wired into the electrical system. The little girl did not do anything wrong- she told her mom what she saw. The parents overreacted instead of contacting the proper person.
Please contact the school immediately and put this story to rest. One of my education professors always used this statement when working with young children.
"If you don't believe everything your child tells you about me, I won't believe everything your child tells me about you".
I would be wary. What business does a janitor have taking breaks with the kids? You can't compare them to teachers who have a role in educating the children. The janitors are there to clean up and sometimes perform maintenance. My view might be clouded by the fact that when I was growing up all the janitors were basically a bunch of losers/alchoholics who couldn't get any other sort of job. I would see them walking around, doing their jobs, but they should have plenty to do and their lunch breaks should be spent in their own lounge/break room. If they have enough time to be making friends with a bunch of kids, our tax dollars are being misused.
The janitor may just be trying to brighten up his own day a little by talking to a nice kid. I think janitors are often in the lunchroom at lunchtime, b/c the students are making a mess! The problem is, none of us know what's really going on. The story just above is a good example of things getting blown totally out of proportion.
I guess I'd talk to the principal rather than the teacher, though, b/c the principal is really the administrator of the school. A teacher has no authority to do anything, and if s/he then talks to the principal, you run into the same problem with "she said he said", etc. It occurs to me that the lunch room, where these conversations are happening, is generally supervised by other adults; the janitor is not the only one in the room.
The grooming process is meant to seem like an "innocent" interaction between the predator and the child and to disarm the child's (and other adults) suspicions. Once the guards are down then the predator will begin to gain more and more access to the child. Most children are molested by someone that they 'know' and 'trust'.
I am really bothered by the fact that so many posters have advised this mother that she is the one who is being unreasonable in this situation. I am just glad that her son feels that he can talk to his mother about the interactions with this man so that she can take the necessary steps to insure his safety in this situation. I hope that she trusts her instincts on this one.
Geez, I'm sorry to have to post this on Christmas, but you people posting on this topic are nutz. Or, you have never had children in school.
The school has a job to do. Educate your children. Their custody of your children is premised on the legitimacy of that undertaking. Anything else they do to your children is with your express consent. Ever notice those permission slips they send home? They don't do that because they like to waste paper, they do it because the law requires it. They don't take your kid to City Hall without your permission, they don't let stranger wander onto the school grounds and talk to your kid. Not because the stranger is a problem, he may be the best citizen in town only trying to be of help to your kid. They prohibit it because it is not a part of the legitimate function of educating your child. And, the janitor may be a wonderful guy, but he has no right to address your kid on so much as the weather without parental consent much less deep conversation about anything. The fact that he is employed by the school and lawfully on the premises tells us exactly nothing. The school's interior designer is in the same position, as is the payroll clerk for the school and the teachers' union president. But they have nothing to do with educating your kid.
I'd report it in a heartbeat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wilson1010
75 or so posts ago, I entered this discussion which had centered on how crazy the OP was to see this as any kind of problem. "Janitors are people too", "it takes a village to raise your children", blah, blah, blah.
Thankfully, the consensus here is that a) the gift was inappropriate, and b) the parent should contact the school. But there is still the craziest stuff I have ever seen on what is such a simple and obvious matter. The kid should write a note to the janitor? The parent should go see the janitor? The parent should talk to the kid and decide based on that talk with the child? Like the perp is telling the kid "yea, if you take this santa hat you have to go down to the boiler room with me . . ."
What is wrong with you people?
This is soooooo simple. The parent needs to go see the principal. This is not the kid's problem, and the parent has no right or reason to speak with the janitor. And, it is wrong. And, when there is a question about something that happens at school, the parent goes to see the principal or the teacher. And there is no reason to tell the child. He's 8. He doesn't get a vote. And, if he needs information, then the parent can talk to him. If not, no talk.
The grooming process is meant to seem like an "innocent" interaction between the predator and the child and to disarm the child's (and other adults) suspicions. Once the guards are down then the predator will begin to gain more and more access to the child. Most children are molested by someone that they 'know' and 'trust'.
I am really bothered by the fact that so many posters have advised this mother that she is the one who is being unreasonable in this situation. I am just glad that her son feels that he can talk to his mother about the interactions with this man so that she can take the necessary steps to insure his safety in this situation. I hope that she trusts her instincts on this one.
Too bad I can't rep you again. Not only do pervs groom the child by gaining their trust but they also gain the trust of the adults around the child. The whole dementia that is apparent here is exactly the reason that children can be molested by persons in a position of trust. Blaming the gut reaction of a protective mother and suggesting idiotic solutions involving the janitor and the child, etc. escalate the risks. I assume that this is just a knee jerk reaction by a bunch or teachers who do not want some concerned mother making waves in their world.
Last edited by Wilson513; 12-31-2010 at 11:22 AM..
Wilson - my reasoning behind introducing herself to the Janitor is to ensure that the Janitor knows this is a child whose parent is well aware of what's going on. People generally like anonymity and dislike direct interaction. If there is grooming going on - this is akin to a direct confrontation - which will likely change the circumstances.
Wilson - my reasoning behind introducing herself to the Janitor is to ensure that the Janitor knows this is a child whose parent is well aware of what's going on. People generally like anonymity and dislike direct interaction. If there is grooming going on - this is akin to a direct confrontation - which will likely change the circumstances.
I am glad for this sentiment and it is nice that there is another person who can see this is wrong. I mentioned above that the janitor is unlikely to say anything that would alarm the parent whether he is totally innocent and well meaning or not. The parent on the other hand will give up a lot of information in any exchange with the janitor. Information about the boy, the parent the husband the family etc. All of this empowers the janitor in some way however small. That is why I say the parent should stay away from the janitor. Rather than confrontation, what will likely happen is the janitor will be really nice and sympathetic and the parent will be even nicer to the janitor and give up a lot of information and learn nothing.
I am glad for this sentiment and it is nice that there is another person who can see this is wrong. I mentioned above that the janitor is unlikely to say anything that would alarm the parent whether he is totally innocent and well meaning or not. The parent on the other hand will give up a lot of information in any exchange with the janitor. Information about the boy, the parent the husband the family etc. All of this empowers the janitor in some way however small. That is why I say the parent should stay away from the janitor. Rather than confrontation, what will likely happen is the janitor will be really nice and sympathetic and the parent will be even nicer to the janitor and give up a lot of information and learn nothing.
You definitely got a rep from me for putting a bit of sanity and reality into this thread!
I am glad for this sentiment and it is nice that there is another person who can see this is wrong. I mentioned above that the janitor is unlikely to say anything that would alarm the parent whether he is totally innocent and well meaning or not. The parent on the other hand will give up a lot of information in any exchange with the janitor. Information about the boy, the parent the husband the family etc. All of this empowers the janitor in some way however small. That is why I say the parent should stay away from the janitor. Rather than confrontation, what will likely happen is the janitor will be really nice and sympathetic and the parent will be even nicer to the janitor and give up a lot of information and learn nothing.
A discussion with the janitor doesn't need to be long or disclose anything. Any parent who would seek an explanation from or engage the janitor in a discussion about the interaction between he and the child in a situation like this is naive and misguided. You arent going to get anymore insight from speaking to him - if he is a predator he is likely very skilled and will run circles around you. If he isnt he likely is quite harmless -but again - that's not my concern as a parent.
Its not a question and answer, coffee chat nor an interrogation. Its an introduction. A simple - Hi how are you? Let me introduce myself. Nothing more. There does not have to be a long conversation or any discussion. The mom isn't seeking to make friends, get to know or get an explanation - just a I know who you are and BTW "i got my eye on you."
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