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the thing is, as far as we know, her being uncomfortable is SOLELY derived from what her 3rd grader son has told her of this man. a third grader is not a reliable source to base your opinions on an adult. as far as we know, the OP has never met or spoken to the janitor, never spoken to any other adult about the janitor, and doesn't even seem to know the full context of the story.
it would be a different matter if, after her son got the hat, she briefly met w/ the janitor to scope him out, or spoke w/ a teacher or another parent about his lunchroom talks and afterward got weird vibes about him. that would be more understandable b/c her feelings would be backed up by her own personal experience or that of another adult. for now, it appears that all she has is the word of an 8 year old. you can't condemn a man based on a story a child tells w/o further investigation, which is something several people, including me, have stated the OP should do. IMHO, too many are jumping to the unfounded conclusion that this man is either a pedophile or has some other devious reason for giving a reportedly nice kid a cheap little novelty gift. such hastily made accusations have been known to be proven false and cost men their livelihoods. no one is saying the OP can't be protective of her child, but she needs to approach this intelligibly and armed w/ as many facts as possible before accusing this man of being some sort of predator. all she has to go on is a story her child told her, and we all know how children exaggerate, add facts in, and leave things out
No one is suggesting that the mother make an "accusation" of molestation against the janitor in order to let the school know that she does not approve of the interaction. But she is well within her rights as a parent to make a request to the school that the interaction between her child and the janitor ceases. Why is this so hard for some to comprehend?
And why are some of the posters fighting so hard for this creepy janitor? He really has no business interacting in that manner with the children. His job is to keep the school clean not chat up little boys at lunchtime. If he's lonely, why is he not seeking out conversations with the adult staffers (lunch-ladies, teacher assistants, etc) at the school? For a normal person, young children wouldn't make the best conversationalists day-in & day-out....it is all very suspect.
Its not a weird question in my view. Predators, especially like the one you are talking about, target specific types of children in specific situations. I wouldn't WANT my high school age child in a class with a man who has sex with teenage girls but I also know she wouldn't be victimized by that type of guy either.
You never really know though if your child is susceptable or not, some young kids like to experiment with the forbidden. It's not just fatherless insecure low income teens that can become enthralled with an older man. I am just glad the guy was caught, he also taught at a middle school and in elementary.
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the thing is, as far as we know, her being uncomfortable is SOLELY derived from what her 3rd grader son has told her of this man. a third grader is not a reliable source to base your opinions on an adult.
I disagree. He is a child - her child. I am a strong believer in intuition. If the child had to be in contact with this individual as a teacher, administrator - I agree with your analysis - but this is incidental contact. If she is uncomfortable - thats good enough for me.
OK, with 184 posts, I think we need Cliff's Notes.
First, the OP is not "over reacting." She is just a concerned mom who has expressed some reservations about why an adult janitor would single out her child for a gift and personal conversation.
And, no it is not typical for janitors to give gifts to students wen they are not acquainted with the child's parents outside of school.
And, perverts are typically people like the janitor who are non threatening to the child, befriend the child, and give gifts. No, no one is accusing the janitor of being a pervert.
For those of you who do not know how a school works, please note:
The principal is the only person at the school who is an appropriate person for the parent to approach. Actually, this is his job, in part.
No, the teacher has no say over the janitor and it would be totally wrong to involve a teacher who has no authority to do anything other than to speak with the principal.
No, it doesn't make sense to go speak with the janitor. This is too silly to even reiterate the many reasons.
I would have sent the gift back to the school office with an apologetic and polite note declining to accept the gift. It would be similar to a note declining to accept an invitation to a birthday party where all the kids are not invited. I would express my concern as to how the other kids might feel by not getting a gift also. I am sure this would result in a prompt reply from the principal as well as the Janitor as to the nature of the relationship between classified employees and Students and the schools policy on this issue.
Janitors are IMO the front line in insuring your kid doesn’t come with MRSA, Hepatitis, H1N1, Flu, Salmonella and whole host of nasty bugs. They are important people in school and should be treated as such. Ironically most cases of pedophilia in schools that I recall involve teachers.
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
No one is suggesting that the mother make an "accusation" of molestation against the janitor in order to let the school know that she does not approve of the interaction. But she is well within her rights as a parent to make a request to the school that the interaction between her child and the janitor ceases. Why is this so hard for some to comprehend?
To answer the question, perhaps b/c the mother has never met the janitor, and does not have all the facts of the situation. To bring this to the principal's attention is appropriate, to make a request that the interaction cease is jumping to conclusions.
And why are some of the posters fighting so hard for this creepy janitor? He really has no business interacting in that manner with the children. His job is to keep the school clean not chat up little boys at lunchtime. If he's lonely, why is he not seeking out conversations with the adult staffers (lunch-ladies, teacher assistants, etc) at the school? For a normal person, young children wouldn't make the best conversationalists day-in & day-out....it is all very suspect.
I don't quite see the dichotomy the way you do. A school is a place where there is a lot of interaction between children and adults.
Quote:
Originally Posted by StilltheSame
I disagree. He is a child - her child. I am a strong believer in intuition. If the child had to be in contact with this individual as a teacher, administrator - I agree with your analysis - but this is incidental contact. If she is uncomfortable - thats good enough for me.
What's the intution? She's got her kid's report, nothing more. If the intution says "check it out", I agree. If the intutition says "this guy is a pedophile and needs to be fired and sent to jail", I disagree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thriftylefty
I would have sent the gift back to the school office with an apologetic and polite note declining to accept the gift. It would be similar to a note declining to accept an invitation to a birthday party where all the kids are not invited. I would express my concern as to how the other kids might feel by not getting a gift also. I am sure this would result in a prompt reply from the principal as well as the Janitor as to the nature of the relationship between classified employees and Students and the schools policy on this issue.
Janitors are IMO the front line in insuring your kid doesn’t come with MRSA, Hepatitis, H1N1, Flu, Salmonella and whole host of nasty bugs. They are important people in school and should be treated as such. Ironically most cases of pedophilia in schools that I recall involve teachers.
[SIZE=3] [/SIZE]
I don't agree with that tone of the note (an action that I suggested as well and was roundly criticized for). I think the note, if any, should reference the parent's uncomfortableness at this gift.
I would have sent the gift back to the school office with an apologetic and polite note declining to accept the gift. It would be similar to a note declining to accept an invitation to a birthday party where all the kids are not invited. I would express my concern as to how the other kids might feel by not getting a gift also. I am sure this would result in a prompt reply from the principal as well as the Janitor as to the nature of the relationship between classified employees and Students and the schools policy on this issue.
OK, here we have yet another oblique approach to a simple problem. Instead of going in to see the principal (which is the only right answer), this poster wants to "send the gift back with a note" to the school office adding a layer of people (the office volunteers and staff) to the people who will be in the loop, and at the same time adding uncertainty as to whether the note will ever reach the principal or not.
Now why would this be a better idea than stopping in to see the principal?
And when the gift finds its way back to the janitor, will he speak to the child? What will he say?
And, why exactly would the parent be apologizing in the note?
Last edited by Wilson513; 01-05-2011 at 07:55 AM..
As a 25 year teacher of 1st, 2nd & 3rd graders, may I share my intuition regarding this incident.
The janitor perhaps has embarrassed this boy in front of his esteemed peer group by talking with him & giving him a santa hat which should probably have gone into the lost & found instead.
Mom is concerned and thus needs to talk with the boy's teacher and/or principal. Hopefully, the OP Mom will check back in soon with the results since school has reconvened.
I will also repeat that in schools in which I have taught the janitor not only cleans up the lunchroom while the kids are eating but helps the kitchen personnel maintain order among the students as kids tend to throw food, goof around and spill (which the janitor then has to clean up), grab each other's food, etc. Luckily, janitors are pretty trustworthy even though they make a low salary since they are the ones who clean up in the boys' restroom too as boys are stuffing the urinals with paper towels & flooding the floor and other nasty things.
Unfortunately I don't have the time, but I wish I could reference with 100 links all the positive stories of the difference that mentors have made with students just to create a fair balance to the molestation tirade.
I think of my first grade student who suddenly lost his dad in a car accident. That was 12 years ago. I ran into his mentor at a party. He's been a part of the whole family's life all those years and is now getting ready to go to the boy's graduation. It is a high-needs family & he is involved with the other siblings and helping in numerous ways.
, If people paid Janitors what they are worth they wouldn't have to worry about creepy people being around their kids.
Am I the only one who has a problem with this judgement?
Low pay=potentially creepy people
high pay= no creepy people
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