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I don't know how well that budget will suit you living in NJ either, especially northern NJ. The closer to NYC, the more expensive, the higher cost of living, but also a better quality of life so it's something you will have to weigh. You can get a home for that price but it probably will not be what you expected or even what you'd want. Small, not in a great area, not in a good school district, and if it is nice, far from New York City. NJ is extremely expensive, maybe you could try upstate NY counties still within the metro region or northwestern or southern NJ counties which are less expensive - but as I said, the further from a major city you go, the cheaper home prices generally are. It just depends on what you'd be willing to sacrifice - proximity to NYC or a nicer home in a nicer area. I would try looking on real estate websites (after looking closely at maps of both CA and NJ/NY) and see what you can find in your budget. You may have to live farther outside any of the cities you mentioned to fit that budget.
No place near NYC would work. With your budget you would have to live far from NYC, perhaps Rockland county and have at least and hour and half commute one way. Traffic is terrible so you would have to drive to a train station and take a train to NYC. There are also some commuter bus options. Or a combination of bus & train.
Your best choice would be to look into Rockland county NY to live if you choose to work in NYC.
If it's just going to be a 3-5 year stint, it might be best to sell whatever you have in Amsterdam (or keep the down payment) and rent somewhere when you move to NYC or SF. Yes, the rents are also crazy, but not as bad as the real estate prices - I'm sure your company's wages plus whatever you planned to use as a down payment could get you to live comfortably through that period somewhere safe with acceptable elementary schools (you wouldn't need any more) in the city proper. And you'd have next-to-no commute time, so you'd save money overall.
Most of my family lives in the Netherlands. I grew up in the NY burbs and for the last 25 years have lived in Orange County (excluding a 2.5 year mistake in Missouri).
Your budget would allow for a nice condo, within a good school district in both NY and CA.
-I own a condo in Huntington Beach. We are in a top notch school district, lots of parks, and one mile from the beach, 1/2 mile from the Harbor.
While our condo community is not kid friendly, there are others in the area within your budget.
I occasionally have to drive into LA (as a freelance designer). The commute takes about an Hour with Traffic.
New York has better commuter rail service than Southern California. The Bay Area has the Bart System, which is pretty good.
Being from Holland, you may want to know that Southern California has the better Bike Trail System - but distances can be very far and apart.
Since I grew up in New York, I am partial to upstate NY as a place to raise children. The Hudson River Valley has a lot of dutch influences (but looks more like Germany's Rhine Valley). The furthest north for a reasonable commute would be Poughkeepsie, and thats pushing it. You will probably get the best bang for your buck in the Hudson River Valley.
Long Island's North shore, out to Smithtown or Stony Brook contain many communities where you may find property within your budget. Schools are good.
If you opt for NY or SF, make sure you live close enough to a train station to minimize the commute.
@ DinsdalePirahna : That's funny. Have you ever been to the Netherlands??
We are thinking of renting instead of buying. We think it's a much better move at first. Our budget to rent would probably be around 2500$. We've been looking up a lot of information and are leaning more towards NYC/burbs. I was absolutely in love with the city when i visited it. Living in the area would be completely different ofcourse.
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