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Status:
"Pickleball-Free American"
(set 1 day ago)
Location: St Simons Island, GA
23,460 posts, read 44,074,708 times
Reputation: 16840
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
What do you mean - "Don't take well?" What you may think is oversensitivity is probably, in fact, irritation at the lack of civility in others.
Sarcasm has it's place, but it's over-implemented and over-exposed. And if you keep employing it, your upper lip is going to get stuck in that one sided snarl.
Didn't your mama tell you that? She didn't? Well...bless your heart.
That statement was not made in a serious vein. And let's not bring my mama into this.
American Southerners do not "think they have it bad."
We know we've got it good.
But bless yore heart, I guess you can't know everything, can you?
Exactly! Most Southerners know that we live in the best part of the country and would not trade places with anyone else. I don't know where some people get their information. The beauty of this Southern city surpasses anything I have seen anywhere.
Here is a huge unspoken Southern rule applied to business.
There's a reason why Chinese and Japanese companies prefer doing business with Southerners, mainly because there are a number of cultural similarities in how they do business.
For example, it is considered to be an incredible faux pas to get right down to business in a meeting, at least the first time you meet someone. There is always five-ten minutes of small talk. Sports, weather, where you went to school, etc. If you ever do business with a Southerner, never confuse this for a waste of time. They are taking your measure. And a person who pays attention to the little courtesies of conversation and the whatnot is someone with whom they'll feel more comfortable doing business.
As evidenced by a lot of people chiming in on this thread, Southerners tend to get badly stereotyped. And the more stupid the person, the worse the stereotype will be. So if you walk into a meeting expecting to impress the yokels with a powerpoint presentation and walk away with the business, you'll be sadly mistaken.
Case in point? About ten years ago, I was the local agent helping someone from New York on a large presentation. The prospect was a family-owned company that had been around for years. So I pick this guy up at the airport and we begin the two-hour drive to the plant out in the middle of nowhere. The entire time, this guy was cracking jokes about Southerners, talking about what a bunch of rubes they were. Seriously. This guy thought the entire region was like something out of the Dukes of Hazzard or Mississippi Burning.
So we get to the factory and are ushered into this pine-panelled conference room. Not glamorous in the least. There are Rotary Club awards on the wall, etc., to give the place a very down-home feel. This guy actually snorted. When the receptionist left the conference room, he made fun of her accent, too, as he set up the projector. I was getting a very bad feeling about this meeting.
Well, the president, a courtly sixtyish guy, and the rest of his team file in. Without preamble, this guy gets down to business and starts his powerpoint presentation. It takes thirty or forty minutes. Very nice, very slick. The presentation ends, he passes out the leave-behinds, and asks if there are any questions. And he does so in a way that implies that no one could possibly have any.
The president sits for a moment and then says, "Well, I might just be a country boy...." and proceeds to dissect the presentation. The guy had not taken a single note but remembered numbers precisely and had figured out the problems in the guy's offering and spent the next ten minutes poking gigantic holes in it in a very polite manner. He got up, thanked us both and left. Three weeks of work and the guy basically whiffed, all because he had thought he was dealing with knuckle-dragging halfwits.
"Well, I didn't expect THAT," the guy said in the car the entire way back to the airport. The next time around, the company in New York sent someone with a little more polish and got the business. But not before making major concessions to win it.
And that's the point. I've learned that Southerners might speak slowly, but think just as quickly as you and me. Beneath the soft veneer, they are cagey businesspeople who still value personal relationships. That's why they believe in the small talk and business courtesy. It tells them what kind of person you are.
I recently had a discussion with a woman who grew up in the midwest but lived for many years in the south. She spoke of the social rules being very different, things such as weddings and gift giving. She said gifts are never taken to the reception and those who do are uncouth. Also said you never go to another church if you are not a member for things like a funeral. I was just wondering if any transplants have encountered what she speaks of or any other differences in what is/isn't acceptable socially. Thanks for the insight.
Well, she's right about taking gifts to a wedding reception, for it means that the bride's family suddenly has one more thing to worry about. Plus it's tacky, the equivalent of displaying the loot.
However, the funeral thing is totally wrong. I've attended weddings and funerals in just about every church and synagogue in town, and a few bar/bat mitzvahs, too.
Reading over this thread, I think people need to understand that the South is culturally distinct. There might be a Gap or a Nordstrom's, but there are absolutely differences in how people approach different people. These are the things I've learned, and some Northerners have not:
1) Southerners are almost always civil and polite, but that's not the same thing as wanting to be your friend. This is the biggest disconnect that I hear from non-Southerners. To them it's 'fake,' while to Southerners it's being civil. Two different things.
2) Southerners are not direct. Yes, this can be maddening. But if you have any social antennae whatsoever, it's pretty easy to understand nuance of language.
3) Southerners cordially despise negativity. Yes, you can express an opinion. Yes, you can most certainly be your own person. But doing so in harsh or sarcastic ways is really taboo.
4) Southerners love the South. I'm always amazed at the number of people who, fifteen minutes after the moving van is unloaded, start to complain about everything. Not because they particularly dislike the South, but because that's how they deal with everything. I'd forgotten what a complaining culture the north is in particular (Not the Midwest, mind you) until I returned there for a while. Everybody complained about everything and did so in rather harsh ways. So when you unpack the truck and start complaining about things the way you did in Albany or Bridgeport or Boston, Southerners are apt to take offense.
Another thing on this subject. I really get how Southerners are sensitive about it. Living in Alabama, for example, I am amazed at the gratuitous swipes this state gets when I travel back to the West coast and other places. It's just amazing. People who have never been to the South, or just driven through on the Interstate become instant experts on the place based on something they saw on TV or read in the Atlantic. Yet this is a region that is incredibly rich both culturally and intellectually, hardworking, and beginning to drive the economy of the country.
5) Southerners are a gregarious bunch. My wife and I have made dozens upon dozens of really good friends here. We never lack for things to do on our weekends. One reason? We are pretty open and embracing people ourselves. We like people, we like having conversations with people, and we like being around people. People who are more reserved, who are more standoffish, or who are a bit snobbish won't do so well. Here's the acid test: If you can make cordial conversation in the checkout line of a grocery store with a total stranger, you'll do well here. If you can't, then stay home in Dayton.
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