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Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,352 posts, read 2,841,173 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Pushing children or adults into a pool is not appropriate or safe.
I personally know someone who suffered brain damage from being pushed into a pool, as a joke, and he hit his head on the side.
Remember the woman who was paralyzed at her bachelorette party when a bridesmaid pushed her into the pool?
Accidents like that can and do happen in pools.
I agree..a friend of mine got pushed in and turned suddenly to grab onto the side and hit right under her jaw...teeth all over. .a big mess..I have never forgot that.
I would be the same way about telling him to knock it off..I do not like that throwing in pools at all..especially when they don't know how to swim... I think it is mean and scares them...throwing someone in is not lessons or learning...what's so hard about the parents taking the kids for 8 wks of lessons at the Y? Some kids are not born swimmers....My husband can't swim!! I bet the teacher there doesn't throw kids in at the first class... I would have said the same thing to a son in law that did that...not cool....
My husband made a comment like that when we had custody of his kids when they were little..I opened a pop and put it in a gkass for the little one..well he wanted a can to himself. ..I said he'd spill it..the kid yelled bloody murder and my husband screamed. LINDA. LEAVE MY KIDS ****ALONE. ..Emphasis on MY... That was hurtful.. and your husband's remark was uncalled for....then he said you WERE a mess? MEN....
That's a terrible way to teach kids to swim and you have every right to put your foot down. No every kid needs lessons. I taught my kids slowly and at their pace in our own pool. But...yeah stomp that foot down grandma.
But I suggest you all sit down, sans kids, when emotions aren't as high to talk it out
Btw, you aren't part of this family would really make me reconsider the relationship. I'm a step mom too...I'd be beyond livid.
Yeah, that really really hurt me. I hadn't considered myself a stepmom in many years since the kids never see their bio mom, she's been in and out of prison their entire lives. I always thought they considered me their mother, they call me mom sometimes when the situation calls for it. I don't know what to think anymore.
With all you've mentioned, especially about your husband's comments, there's more going on than pool safety.
What's being done to "teach" the kids to swim is absolutely the wrong way to go about it. I was always a weak swimmer because that was the way I was "taught". It never really changed until I went through water survival training in OCS, adjusting for my age I'm considered a strong swimmer. Still don't like to do it.
You have every reason to be mystified, upset, angry, hurt and so forth.
I am a stepmom to several adult children, too. I would definitely have the same rules at our pool if we had one. I have a jacuzzi and kids were never even allowed out there without an adult in the jacuzzi with them. That is your responsibility to make sure everyone is safe on your property.
I agree with others who have said pushing kids into a pool to "teach them to swim" is uncivilized and dangerous.
As far as your husband . . . spouting off that you "aren't part of the family" . . . that is a deal breaker. And on Mother's Day, at that. How you decide to respond to that and where it takes you is something only you can figure out. But for myself, the trust would have been broken in an irreparable way. Nothing is worse than the moment we realize we are not cherished and respected. No apologies can suffice, but to then try to "cover" the next day by making the "problem" all about you . . . I might decide to forgive so that I could continue in the marriage. But you cannot forget when someone reveals their true feelings . . . and that would be the part I would have to decide about as far as the future. I can assure you that I would feel less invested in the relationship and I would not be surprised if you feel that way, as well.
I know what I would be thinking . . . "IF I am not a part of this family, then what am I doing here? And why do I invest my effort and time in these people?"
You may want to find a therapist to talk to about all this as the issue is much bigger than whether or not kids are taught to swim by throwing them in the pool. In any case, that would be what my mind was focused on - my husband's response.
Yeah, that really really hurt me. I hadn't considered myself a stepmom in many years since the kids never see their bio mom, she's been in and out of prison their entire lives. I always thought they considered me their mother, they call me mom sometimes when the situation calls for it. I don't know what to think anymore.
As terrible as it was...there is something more going on...something that has nothing to do with you. It sounds like the adult children and your husband have some unresolved feelings about the bio mom and her place in their lives. Lots of pain. You were an easy target on a day that might have been painful under the surface.
I know in the early days, I paid for a lot of the pain that my husband's ex caused, both with the kids and with him. In fact it was years of me chasing my tail trying to fix what she broke.
Have you spoken to your husband about his comments?
As terrible as it was...there is something more going on...something that has nothing to do with you. It sounds like the adult children and your husband have some unresolved feelings about the bio mom and her place in their lives. Lots of pain. You were an easy target on a day that might have been painful under the surface.
I know in the early days, I paid for a lot of the pain that my husband's ex caused, both with the kids and with him. In fact it was years of me chasing my tail trying to fix what she broke.
Have you spoken to your husband about his comments?
Yes, immediately after he said it, I gave him the stink-eye and I said, "EXCUUUUUUSE me?" Then I nodded my head, and said, "That's good to know." I started crying so I got up and went upstairs. We had other company there so it wasn't the place to have a knock-down-drag-out. Later on, when he came up, he saw that I'd been crying, and he nonchalantly said, "Well, you made her cry, too, you know." I was like "WTF! I'm not crying about that! What I'm upset about is that you feel I am not part of this family, after 14 f*cking years!" He tried to act like he didn't say it that way, but I nailed him to the wall about it. "You DID say it. You said it just.like.that. How am I supposed to take that?" He apologized and said he didn't mean it that way, but I just said, "What-EVER" and went to bed. The next morning was Mother's Day and he brought me breakfast in bed (I knew he was sucking up then), but that's when he made his little comment about me being on the rag. That's why I just started laughing, because I feel like I'm crazy, or on another planet or something.
In the meantime, both the girls unfriended me and neither one said Happy Mother's Day, in fact when it was supposed to be time to go to brunch, my husband never got up to shower or anything, and he just let it go, never said a word about it. I just went out to the pool the rest of the day and spent it alone. In the meantime, I haven't put my rings back on (I take them off before I get in the pool). I just can't do it right now. I don't even know how to feel.
I agree that they have strange feelings about the ex. She has hurt them exponentially over the years. The oldest girl turns 30 this year, and she doesn't speak to her at all. The other one is 26 and she still talks to her but only once in a while. They think their daddy hung the moon, because he was their sole caregiver while growing up, so the three of them are like a little army sometimes.
Yes, immediately after he said it, I gave him the stink-eye and I said, "EXCUUUUUUSE me?" Then I nodded my head, and said, "That's good to know." I started crying so I got up and went upstairs. We had other company there so it wasn't the place to have a knock-down-drag-out. Later on, when he came up, he saw that I'd been crying, and he nonchalantly said, "Well, you made her cry, too, you know." I was like "WTF! I'm not crying about that! What I'm upset about is that you feel I am not part of this family, after 14 f*cking years!" He tried to act like he didn't say it that way, but I nailed him to the wall about it. "You DID say it. You said it just.like.that. How am I supposed to take that?" He apologized and said he didn't mean it that way, but I just said, "What-EVER" and went to bed. The next morning was Mother's Day and he brought me breakfast in bed (I knew he was sucking up then), but that's when he made his little comment about me being on the rag. That's why I just started laughing, because I feel like I'm crazy, or on another planet or something.
In the meantime, both the girls unfriended me and neither one said Happy Mother's Day, in fact when it was supposed to be time to go to brunch, my husband never got up to shower or anything, and he just let it go, never said a word about it. I just went out to the pool the rest of the day and spent it alone. In the meantime, I haven't put my rings back on (I take them off before I get in the pool). I just can't do it right now. I don't even know how to feel.
I agree that they have strange feelings about the ex. She has hurt them exponentially over the years. The oldest girl turns 30 this year, and she doesn't speak to her at all. The other one is 26 and she still talks to her but only once in a while. They think their daddy hung the moon, because he was their sole caregiver while growing up, so the three of them are like a little army sometimes.
I would really like to press, it isn't your fault. You have every right to be hurt and angry...but all this is about their bio mom. It's so hard to be a step mom!
This thread is so depressing. There is so much wrong here, in the way EVERYone acted.
I hate that you are going through this. But it does sound like you have some soul-searching ahead.
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