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In the OP's case, "Parental Authority" does NOT trump good manners. It doesn't trump a pool owner's expectations for pool conduct. And it certainly shouldn't put a hostess in a quandary where she now has to be coerced into feeling uncomfortable because apparently somebody now has the free range to be a jerk. That's very entitled.
You do not know how the adult children feel in this situation, you are just supplementing your own and excusing their bad behavior. They weren't looking to compromise on anything, they just "went there" and did as they wish at the OP's and child's expense. And now the OP has to deal with a messy aftermath that's going to have repercussions on the family unit AND marriage.
The first post makes it sound like the daughter is taking up for her husband, as she well should in most cases. The husband certainly doesn't appreciate any interference. He said something nasty, it got a bit hot. They left because they didn't appreciate what they saw as interference in their parenting.
It's also like I said earlier--it is their right, absolutely, but I have found that pool owners do tend to be a bit borderline anal-retentive about what they allow in their pool. It is their right, sure, they paid for it, but after awhile it can be a bit aggravating and annoying just the same. Pools are supposed to be FUN, and when you make a list a mile long about what's ok and not, it sucks all the fun out of it. I actually have a pool, albeit a smaller & cheaper one, and I only have one rule--no tracking dirt in, because I don't want to have to re-clean it. However, where it regards safety issues, I leave that up to the parents to handle it, I stay completely out of it. If the laws don't work that way, if they say I can be sued or held responsible for accidents instead of their parents, then those laws are stupid and need to be thrown out.
To me, that is the spirit in which you share--you obviously establish ground rules with respect to practices that could harm you, like I said I can understand someone saying that children can't tear up their pretty rose bushes, but if I (say) owned horses then I'm leaving it to the parents to handle the safety issues with respect to horse riding. If they can't, then they can't be on the horses at all, but I'm not interrupting my life and supervising the whole matter.
If this is to be mended, they need to have a meeting of the minds about what's okay. If the parents aren't ok with being told how to deal with their children with respect to the pool, then they need to no longer do anything with the pool at all and the grandmother needs to no longer ask. Or, if the parents want to take advantage of the generosity of the pool owner but the owner doesn't want a repeat of what they were doing, they have to decide if that's okay or not and act accordingly. I would say too that the grandmother may want to apologize for sounding like she was judging their fitness as a parent if they took it as such, yet she can still establish the boundaries she wants established as it is her house. Hopefully they can all work something out that satisfies all concerned.
Shy, you do realize you can get sued if something happens in your pool?
And why does a wife have to take up with her husband if he is being an arse? I wouldn't and this wedding ring I'm wearing doesn't come with the instruction that I must.
And these aren't random people, they are grandchildren she loves.
Shy, you do realize you can get sued if something happens in your pool?
And why does a wife have to take up with her husband if he is being an arse? I wouldn't and this wedding ring I'm wearing doesn't come with the instruction that I must.
And these aren't random people, they are grandchildren she loves.
As I said earlier, if that's the law, it should be changed. It's ridiculous. Judges who rule in favor of such suits ought to be thrown out on their arse. I'm getting a BIT off-topic, but I think it does bear some relevance. I should be able to have a pool, generously offer it to whoever, tell them "swim at your own risk" (maybe have them sign a liability waiver), educate them on the deepness level and such, and then that be the end of it. People shouldn't have to live to where the fear of lawsuits contaminates everything. I hate that whole thing very intensely. It's why, when I swim and also when we take our kids, we pretty much only go to places (like lakes with no lifeguard, access spots in the rivers and creeks, pools at fitness places where you sign a waiver and you're on your own from there) where we don't have to deal with all of that bunch of nonsense. (Again, I'm not picking on the grandmother so much here.)
A wife IS supposed to support her husband, and he is supposed to support her, I've always believed that. That being said, it's not okay to act like an arse either.
And while those children are the lady's grandchildren, that is still subordinate to how they are the parents' children first. That supersedes EVERYTHING in my mind.
I am so sorry your "family" is a bag of dicks.
While you may or may not "have a say" in how those sadistic sh**s raise their kids (whether or not you're bio-related - my bio parents don't have a say in how I raise my kids), you do have a say about what kind of nonsense goes in YOUR house.
I can't even wrap my head around what your husband said to you. That's insane. I have a feeling that's not the first way he treated you with such distasteful disrespect, and I wonder why you are with this creep.
That being said, you know that everyone got mad at you because they know they are wrong, right?
Again, I am so sorry you had to experience such hurtful disrespect in your own home. Especially when you were RIGHT.
nope...if you are being abusive to a child in my home, I am getting involved. It's sad you wouldn't.
The problem is ANYTHING anymore is "abuse." The term is so watered down. Some think it's "abuse" if your child sees something in a store and you don't get it for them." If we meant "abuse" in terms of "God you're such a stupid child" (repeatedly spoken) or baseball bats upside the head, sure--anything else, not so much.
The problem is ANYTHING anymore is "abuse." The term is so watered down. Some think it's "abuse" if your child sees something in a store and you don't get it for them." If we meant "abuse" in terms of "God you're such a stupid child" (repeatedly spoken) or baseball bats upside the head, sure--anything else, not so much.
I'm only addressing the on topic part of your post. If the parents want to use their sink or swim method to teach their children, they should find some other venue. There is absolutely no reason for this grandmother to be made uncomfortable in her own home. The parents are not respecting her. I don't care if her husband is ok with it, she isn't. I would have asked them to leave if they hadn't chosen to do so on their own.
After our big fight, my husband did say that I had a point about the way my SIL was pushing the kids in the pool, and that he's not proud of how he raised his kids that way. He knows his kids still aren't solid swimmers; they still hold their noses when going under, and have to hang on to a float or the side of the pool when in the deep end, because they don't know how to tread water.
My kids are still not speaking to me, but I did hear from someone who is friends with them on FB that my daughter has enrolled both kids in swimming lessons. So maybe my husband said something to her.
Funny how I don't even want to type the "my" because I still feel like a rug has been pulled out from under me. For some reason, this blowup, specifically the issue about what my husband said, has brought up some long-suppressed feelings. I am adopted, and both of my parents are now gone. I had a child at a very young age and gave him up for adoption, and then was never able to have children afterwards. Somehow I've never put all this together until this week, that I might have an issue with "belonging". I don't know anyone that I am biologically related to, but that has never bothered me before, because my parents were my parents, unconditionally. Maybe because this happened on Mother's Day, which is hard enough with my mother gone, but now, also my father, who always made a big deal out of it.
So I've stayed off the computer for the last couple days, took some time off, and just vegged. I've always been so proud of being self-confident and independent, and I know I will come out of this, but for some reason this has brought me to my knees, and I feel like a whiny old woman.
Thanks everybody for your support.
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