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People are opinionated. They'll toss in their opinions about everything. It's selfish to not want children. It's selfish to have too many children. The American family has a wife who is a housewife, a husband who works, a daughter and a son who are successful and popular at school, and a dog or cat or both, why not have that like what everyone else wants? Whatever the person's opinion is it's theirs. It's not specifically American. In some cultures, it's more accepted to have large families while in others, it's more common to only have one or two at most. It's nobody's business what someone wants to do with their own life. Children are not for everyone. It doesn't mean that person doesn't like children, but being a parent is a HUGE life change. Some just don't want children for themselves. A dog or a different pet is enough and sometimes that's even too much.
If you don't want children, then that's great! That decision is yours and yours only. It's not for anyone else to judge what you want. I would not go as far as saying it's an American thing specifically; anyone anywhere may want to know why you don't want children and have an opinion on if it's selfish or not. I don't see how not having children is selfish. I also don't see how choosing to have a very large family is selfish either. It's only selfish of a person to expect people to want the same things and judge those that decide to do something different than they do.
I always thought something was wrong with me because I could never see myself as a parent. Even when I was a little girl I turned my nose up at baby dolls. I much rather wanted to play in the woods.
Now that I'm 30, I figured that 'maternal urge' would've kicked in by now. Every once in a while, a faint glimpse of it appears only to be quickly squashed by a screaming child in the store. I always just kind of figured having kids was something I didn't want to do but would get around to doing eventually.
I want to keep my family going, but I can't see past the cons. I feel like Steve Martin in Father of the Bride; all I can see are the negatives. It certainly doesn't help that there's a disturbing trend of women completely losing their own identity only to become "Johnny's mom". Everything else in their life goes by the wayside- their dreams, their finances, their marriage, not one aspect of life is untouched.
It's such a huge sacrifice, I don't think I can make if I'm being honest with myself.
I have noticed that the majority of Americans are very keen on having children and find it weird when someone doesn't want to have kids. Why are Americans so obsessed with having children? What's so great about it?
And why do people call women selfish when they don't have the desire to have children? I think it's better to admit you're selfish than have kids you're going to resent later on. And with how uncertain the economy is these days, how do people even afford to have children?
A lot of the commenters were very hostile and said these women were deranged and selfish for not wanting to pop out a few kids.
Does anyone else have trouble understanding the fascination with having kids?
I've wondered the same thing myself lately, especially with the economy being what it is.
It seems that where ever I go these days there are people with small children and pregnant women everywhere! Even when I go to a restaurant, there are lots and lots of children all over the places. I've also talked to some women friends of mine who have never married and want children so bad they are now try to have kids alone. One keeps getting inseminated and losing the babies and the other is trying to adopt. I told one of them that willingly going into single parenthood isn't the best idea. But it's her life and her choice.
Yes. Speaking from the viewpoint of a woman just entering her 60's, I don't regret not having children. I have befriended many people because I have had the time to develop friendships. I look forward to finding new relationships as we move to our next phase of life of travel and living life.
A friend of mine told me that while I was living in California, the family had told the younger ones that they must have babies because holidays are boring otherwise. Marty & me plan on never being in town on the holidays.
I have noticed that the majority of Americans are very keen on having children and find it weird when someone doesn't want to have kids. Why are Americans so obsessed with having children? What's so great about it?
And why do people call women selfish when they don't have the desire to have children? I think it's better to admit you're selfish than have kids you're going to resent later on. And with how uncertain the economy is these days, how do people even afford to have children?
A lot of the commenters were very hostile and said these women were deranged and selfish for not wanting to pop out a few kids.
Does anyone else have trouble understanding the fascination with having kids?
The desire to reproduce is innate. That means people, and all animals, are biologically programmed to want children. That doesn't make it an obsession.
True the economy is in bad shape, but there are still plenty of people who make plenty of money to raise a kid or two. They do it by adjusting their spending habits, part of which comes naturally when you have a baby (fewer evenings out, etc).
I don't have trouble understanding the fascination with having kids. I do have trouble understanding someone caring enough to start a thread about it.
I hear about it in day to day life. I always hear people around me talk about how great it is to have kids and when I'm going to have some. And if you read the comments section of the article I posted, you can see how many people were outraged at the fact that some women wanted dogs instead of children.
I'm betting you are of the age a lot of people start having kids. It isn't that Americans have an obsession or a fascination. It is the fact that you've reached the age you have and the people around you have started doing what they are biologically programmed to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kgordeeva
I just don't get the fascination..that's all. And how is not having any kids selfish? Who does it hurt? There is nothing wrong with wanting to live your life for you and not dealing with screaming brats all day.
Just because you don't get it now, doesn't mean you never will. When I was 21, all of my HS friends got engaged, one after another. I didn't get it. I was having fun being single. 5 years later I was married. It doesn't mean they were wrong, I was right or vice versa. It just means people do things differently.
The world is becoming overpopulated and we soon will not have enough resources for everyone.. I actually think not having children is the unselfish thing to do.
You specifically asked about AMERICANS. It has already been shown that birth rates in the US are declining. It is just your age that makes it seem like everyone is reproducing. Calm down.
Medicaid covering childbirth medical costs when daddy is not around
Free daycare
EBT cards
Housing assistance
Earned Income Tax Credits
Free public schooling K through 12 and then financial aid and Pell Grants for college. (Make people pay to have the end result of their orgasm educated)
etc, etc, etc. . . . . .
And people will stop having kids real fast. At least if they cannot afford to have them.
Some of us don't have the gene, the imperative programmed into our genes.
Hence, I disagree, am defensive against those who insist that I must have a mothering instinct in me, it's just something everyone does have.
Hence to others that say "but you must" or "but you have to", I say,
"You are not me, you will not speak for me, you will not decide for me."
As a species, though, a collective "we" are genetically programmed to reproduce to keep the species going. Plus, unlike other animals, we have the ability to use birth control. If we didn't, a lot more people would be having babies regardless of their lack of mothering instincts.
Medicaid covering childbirth medical costs when daddy is not around
Free daycare
EBT cards
Housing assistance
Earned Income Tax Credits
Free public schooling K through 12 and then financial aid and Pell Grants for college. (Make people pay to have the end result of their orgasm educated)
etc, etc, etc. . . . . .
And people will stop having kids real fast. At least if they cannot afford to have them.
Poor people didn't have kids before those things existed?
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