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I repp'd you on this.
Exactly how I feel. I don't think people understand the torture that the addict themselves feel. How can you not have a certain amount of compassion for someone who is in such a horrible place. It is not as black and white as some people think. Everyone benefits from a compassionate society.
This person has left behind people that will forever have a hole in their heart when their friend, relative passes.
Wrong.
I don't care.
This is the issue, I think, with addiction. Everyone is so focused on the addict and completely ignores the people that are destroyed in their wake.
Compassion, for me, ended around the tenth time my mother broke a promise to stay clean and not steal from me.
The addict is high - they are not 'present' during their reign of torture. They do not care about anyone or anything but getting the next fix. And will sacrifice anyone unfortunate enough to love them to get high.
I don't think that YOU understand or care what the addict's family goes through. You watch your loved one, over and over again, slowly kill themselves and manipulate your feelings.
When an addict dies, I feel relief. The only thing that I mourn is what their wasted life could have been.
Addiction in the USA is treated more as a crime than an illness, which is completely bass-ackwards.
Anyone can fall victim to addiction. And it isn't just the illegal drugs that can be fatal. There are many cases of individuals becoming addicted to pain killers after an injury and that addiction leading to their premature demise.
This, especially the bolded.
I have known quite a few addicts in my time. These are not "horrible people" (at least any more than there would be "horrible people" in the general population). By and large, these are people who never thought that they would be in the position that they found themselves in. Compounding the frustration is the general attitude that they are simply weak people who can't just "walk away" from their addiction.
I think that a lot of people would genuinely be surprised at who they might know who is struggling with addiction. That there is such a stigma attached to it means that it's kept "hush hush" and a lot of people are not getting the support that they need to overcome what they are dealing with. It's quite reminiscent of how mental illness was treated up until recently.
That someone might think that they are "too smart" for addiction simply means that they don't understand addiction.
I feel as though this person is in a better state.
But, I pass no judgement.
In my profession, I see addicts of all walks of life...white, black, asian..poor,wealthy...Jewish, Christian,athiest..etc. I've truly seen it all.
These people are struggling and it's difficult to see them come in day after day, relapsing over and over again. It breaks my heart, honestly.
I think that it's easy to pass judgement on them because their weaknesses and struggles are obvious, at least to those of us who see them on a daily basis, when they're at their worst.
I have known quite a few addicts in my time. These are not "horrible people" (at least any more than there would be "horrible people" in the general population). By and large, these are people who never thought that they would be in the position that they found themselves in. Compounding the frustration is the general attitude that they are simply weak people who can't just "walk away" from their addiction.
I think that a lot of people would genuinely be surprised at who they might know who is struggling with addiction. That there is such a stigma attached to it means that it's kept "hush hush" and a lot of people are not getting the support that they need to overcome what they are dealing with. It's quite reminiscent of how mental illness was treated up until recently.
That someone might think that they are "too smart" for addiction simply means that they don't understand addiction.
This is utterly wrong. Addiction is a character issue, not a disease. Putting something in your mouth or up your nose or directly in your bloodstream is a conscious choice, a bad choice, and a weak choice. And no one was addicted before they did it the first time, so there was a first time, and therefore, a stupid and weak choice was made at that point.
Since we worship feelings and not calling people out on their bad behavior, we have made diseases out of every bad choice, including drug addiction. But that does not change Reality. The reality is: Addiction is bad character and is consciously chosen.
This is utterly wrong. Addiction is a character issue, not a disease. Putting something in your mouth or up your nose or directly in your bloodstream is a conscious choice, a bad choice, and a weak choice. And no one was addicted before they did it the first time, so there was a first time, and therefore, a stupid and weak choice was made at that point.
I honestly hope that anyone who is struggling with addiction does not take what you've said here with even the smallest grain of salt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
The reality is: Addiction is bad character and is consciously chosen.
If only people would pat and support the non-drinkers and non-druggers (friends and family) on the back rather than make them feel like oddballs , etc. perhaps more people and young people would CHOOSE to abstain.
What a waste of life, resources, and babies! That mother chose drugs over children.
She was an extremely intelligent
To quote Forrest Gump: "Stupid isas stupid does!"
What are you talking about. Almost EVERY SINGLE POST HERE is "patting and supporting the non addicted family."
Addicts get nothing but hate from the first day they use. Sometimes a little understanding and empathy, as difficult as that might be, goes a long way in help and recovery. Instead they get hate, shame, anger, etc. Yeah, because THAT will make someone stop using!
We KNOW from scientific studies that recovery takes a lot of understanding, tolerance and empathy. Yet the "non addicts" can be even more selfish- they NEED AND CHOOSE to take their rage out on the addicts and it's counter productive. If non-addicts really cared, they would step back and learn how to help. Their "lack of self control" with their hostility (as so clearly demonstrated in this thread) is on par with any "lack of self control" and addict shows by using.
But people "understand" the non-addicts' reactions yet refuse to understand or educate themselves that the addicts craving/using drugs is just as much a natural reaction to drugs. Ignorance can only be blissful until you NEED ACCURATE INFO. Most family and friends don't bother to seek it.
Not everyone is predisposed to using drugs. Only about 25% of those who use cocaine for the first time enjoy the experience. This is the key to addiction and why it is a disease. It's easy to preach about "self control" when you do not understand the craving.
I hope that all the haters here are not one pound overweight. If you are, then you have no business preaching about "self control." Abuse of food could/does also escalate to death via numerous diseases like diabetes, heart disease, etc. It usually just takes longer.
My ex was fat and I'm thin. It wasn't until I realized how much he craved food and was hungry nearly 24/7 that I developed any empathy for him and others like him. I'm the type of person who "forgets" to eat lunch and dinner without any problems. He would get very agitated if he missed a meal, much like addicts get agitated without drugs.
This is the issue, I think, with addiction. Everyone is so focused on the addict and completely ignores the people that are destroyed in their wake.
This, many times.
I have finite amounts of caring to offer in life. Anything beyond the physical limitations of my daily waking hours is just bulk lip service that means nothing. Caring that means something, does something if possible.
So, let's pick two cousins. Both have been addicts.
Cousin One has kicked the bottle, and kept it kicked. I have great respect for his character and choice. He never used other drugs, to my knowledge.
Cousin Two is Cousin One's stepson, one of six kids that came as a package deal with the woman who gave Cousin One the ultimatum: "drinking or me." Cousin Two hates himself. He has used drugs in the past. He now routinely gets drunk, during which time he says alienating things to other family members. Cousin One, and his wife, are the only reason Cousin Two does not make a living prostituting himself. His other behavior makes him borderline unemployable.
As mentioned, I respect Cousin One. To some degree, he is atoning for the harm he did to his family by enduring Cousin Two, whose problems are far worse. His actions earn him some call upon my sympathy.
All this, by all parties, is terrible for the mother of Cousin Two. She has first call on my sympathy. Another of her sons has CP, is chronically depressed, and has limited independence through no fault of his own. He has a high call on my sympathy, since his abilities are limited. If Cousin Two were not such a pain in the ass, perhaps people could focus more on the one with CP, who I fear will one day end his own life, and I will grieve that very much.
The way my mind words, Cousin Two is stealing from everyone around him on some level, emotionally if not materially. I can't even visit Cousin One with my wife without the risk that Cousin Two may so insult her that I might feel the need to either pound Cousin Two to a pulp (which he merits and I would enjoy, but which would hurt his mother and offend the hospitality of their home, thus unthinkable, because unlike addicts, I think of others), or depart on short notice (thus also offending their hospitality, thus unthinkable, likewise because I am not an addict). Cousin Two may not have started out as a scumbag, but he has made himself into one. I can't say it to his mother (whose right to sympathy earns, among many things, a lot of tact about what a miserable scumbag her drunk kid is), but truth in my heart, he's nothing but a walking source of suffering. If he drank himself to death, I would be relieved, something I would never tell Cousin One or his wife.
It is simple. Cousin Two has the least rights to my caring. Any caring I offer him is caring denied a more deserving person close to him. Thus, he gets nothing. I will not rob the victims to comfort the perp, any more than I would pressure a rape victim to go make nice with her rapist. I care about the victim. The perp is welcome to end his life, and in so doing, salvage some tatter of personal honor.
This is utterly wrong. Addiction is a character issue, not a disease. Putting something in your mouth or up your nose or directly in your bloodstream is a conscious choice, a bad choice, and a weak choice. And no one was addicted before they did it the first time, so there was a first time, and therefore, a stupid and weak choice was made at that point.
Since we worship feelings and not calling people out on their bad behavior, we have made diseases out of every bad choice, including drug addiction. But that does not change Reality. The reality is: Addiction is bad character and is consciously chosen.
Thankfully, you are a real estate agent and not a doctor.
Most psychiatrists (and other fans of peer reviewed scientific research) accept that addiction is a disease based on empirical evidence in thousands of research studies.
Unfortunately, a signifigant percentage of MDs who are not psychiatrists, still cling to the old "character disirder" BS. Usually the older, more close minded MDs. Certainly no one I would trust with my own health.
And like the poster above, I certainly have suffered through my share of addicts in my family and friends. One was a tirade and pysically and sexually assaulted me for over a decade.
When he died, I was happy for me to get some closure, but I was still able to separate myself and feel sorry for him for being an addict for 3 decades and how it ruined his life. Knowing him for so long and since my family "didn't believe in mental illness," it was easy for me to see that he clearly had multiple undiagnosed psych disorders that he was self medicating with. (Although I am not supposed to diagnose family, he was clearly bipolar with OCD and some other probable diagnoses.)
And of course, sadly, not EVERY addict even HAS close friend or family. And thus not EVERY addict "ruins people's lives." When I bartended, half of my customers were usually single males who went right from bar, sleep, work 9-5, and back to bar again. They were often very nice people when either sober or drunk. There were also a fair share of empty nester or childfree couples who drank together in bar in evening all night and faithfully went to work the next day. Also pretty nice people.
How would you react if you found that he was drinking again, or perhaps was addicted to something else?
I'd feel badly for his wife, for it would mean that he had violated their understanding. Never mind that he is my own flesh and blood, and she is not. He made a commitment, and if he is the man I respect, he will honor it. I'd miss him, or the him that used to exist. But my caring would be for his wife, my cousin by marriage, who deserves not to be betrayed.
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Almost EVERY SINGLE POST HERE is "patting and supporting the non addicted family."
