Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'd feel badly for his wife, for it would mean that he had violated their understanding. Never mind that he is my own flesh and blood, and she is not. He made a commitment, and if he is the man I respect, he will honor it. I'd miss him, or the him that used to exist. But my caring would be for his wife, my cousin by marriage, who deserves not to be betrayed.
So, the respect that you have for his character is solely based on the fact that he's not in active addiction?
As I get older, my cohort is starting to die off, slowly but surely. I'm only 29, but have lost many friends and peers to addiction. Being from Tennessee, addiction is basically the expectation, and today I lost a high school friend. She was an extremely intelligent, sexy, mother of two (8 years and a year old), but with addiction demons that killed her.
She went into the hospital around the first of November with kidney failure, accelerated heart rate, and high blood pressure induced by the drug use. In, then out, she was readmitted week before last. This past Sunday, she left the hospital with a pic line inserted, and basically fled. She stopped breathing in someone's car tonight and was pronounced DOA.
She had two kids, a partner, and family, but I just can't feel sad. She had numerous addiction problems, was always aware and smart enough to understand what was going on, but never corrected it.
I feel bad for the family, kids, and those who were impacted through no fault of their own, but not for her. She was well aware of the situation and continued down that road, willingly and knowingly.
How do you feel when an addict passes?
Not every person is meant to be a king or queen, right? We ALL have our demons. I would feel sad because that's a lot of suffering for a person to deal with and now her children will suffer it, too. Sometimes it's genetics that mess us up. Sometimes we can not overcome the hand dealt to us. Some amazing people can rise above and get well and be examples, but the majority of folks don't. Just because she was an addict doesn't make her worthless. And it doesn't mean *everything* was her own fault. Such is the nature of humanity. We all have the ability to end up this way and sometimes it's just dumb luck that keeps us out of it.
So, the respect that you have for his character is solely based on the fact that he's not in active addiction?
Solely? No. Heavily? Yes, because he recognizes that he cannot drink, at all, and does not. I think that takes tremendous character. Back when he was drinking, he was not a nice person.
When an addict dies I feel bad for the loss of life. But, somewhat relieved that they suffer no more. The family has my upmost sympathy, as I'm sure they're feeling all kinds of emotions. Not to mention the tragic loss of a loved one that they could not help.
Thankfully, you are a real estate agent and not a doctor.
Most psychiatrists (and other fans of peer reviewed scientific research) accept that addiction is a disease based on empirical evidence in thousands of research studies.
Unfortunately, a signifigant percentage of MDs who are not psychiatrists, still cling to the old "character disirder" BS. Usually the older, more close minded MDs. Certainly no one I would trust with my own health.
And like the poster above, I certainly have suffered through my share of addicts in my family and friends. One was a tirade and pysically and sexually assaulted me for over a decade.
When he died, I was happy for me to get some closure, but I was still able to separate myself and feel sorry for him for being an addict for 3 decades and how it ruined his life. Knowing him for so long and since my family "didn't believe in mental illness," it was easy for me to see that he clearly had multiple undiagnosed psych disorders that he was self medicating with. (Although I am not supposed to diagnose family, he was clearly bipolar with OCD and some other probable diagnoses.)
And of course, sadly, not EVERY addict even HAS close friend or family. And thus not EVERY addict "ruins people's lives." When I bartended, half of my customers were usually single males who went right from bar, sleep, work 9-5, and back to bar again. They were often very nice people when either sober or drunk. There were also a fair share of empty nester or childfree couples who drank together in bar in evening all night and faithfully went to work the next day. Also pretty nice people.
In this case, the non-psychiatric doctors are correct and the psychiatric doctors are wrong. We have entered an era of political and emotional correctness, where feelings reign supreme and reality takes a back seat. So for every failing and failure, we invent and reinforce a deterministic malady to sweep away the blame, the judgement, the Reason, and the Reality.
Addiction follows this pattern. Weakness and narcissism lead to self-medication and self-immolation. But instead of calling it what it is and identifying it accurately, we need to remove the blame and the responsibility. And the debauched field of mental health creates a disease. Why? Why, so it can be treated. Narcotics addiction is a character defect, and addicts are directly responsible for their bad choices. But we don't make money unless we diseasify it and create programs to treat it, which of course allow us to check off a diagnosis code for remuneration by insurance companies and government.
The whole thing is a racket. We used to call an alcoholic a bum. Because that's what they are. But today, determinism rules and they "just couldn't help it". It's poppycock, but everyone who has failed in this manner clings to the disease nonsense so they can relieve themselves of being at fault. And families cling to it so they don't have to identify daddy or mommy for he or she is - a bum. A drunk. A druggie.
However, it's window dressing and lies. A thing is what it is. A druggie is a self-chosen path. Alcohol and narcotics are chosen and consumed. Blame, fault, and responsibility go squarely on the shoulders of the person making the choice.
We need to get back to reality on this. That is the only way people get to fix themselves. First they have to admit they are broken and they broke themselves out of weakness and failure.
While being an addict might not be a choice, choosing to take drugs in the first place is a choice. And I'd be willing to bet that most if not all people when they make that first initial choice to being taking drugs are well aware that they are likely to get hooked and strung out. I don't feel sorry for addict when they OD and die they made the choice to start down that path.
In this case, the non-psychiatric doctors are correct and the psychiatric doctors are wrong. We have entered an era of political and emotional correctness, where feelings reign supreme and reality takes a back seat. So for every failing and failure, we invent and reinforce a deterministic malady to sweep away the blame, the judgement, the Reason, and the Reality.
Addiction follows this pattern. Weakness and narcissism lead to self-medication and self-immolation. But instead of calling it what it is and identifying it accurately, we need to remove the blame and the responsibility. And the debauched field of mental health creates a disease. Why? Why, so it can be treated. Narcotics addiction is a character defect, and addicts are directly responsible for their bad choices. But we don't make money unless we diseasify it and create programs to treat it, which of course allow us to check off a diagnosis code for remuneration by insurance companies and government.
The whole thing is a racket. We used to call an alcoholic a bum. Because that's what they are. But today, determinism rules and they "just couldn't help it". It's poppycock, but everyone who has failed in this manner clings to the disease nonsense so they can relieve themselves of being at fault. And families cling to it so they don't have to identify daddy or mommy for he or she is - a bum. A drunk. A druggie.
However, it's window dressing and lies. A thing is what it is. A druggie is a self-chosen path. Alcohol and narcotics are chosen and consumed. Blame, fault, and responsibility go squarely on the shoulders of the person making the choice.
We need to get back to reality on this. That is the only way people get to fix themselves. First they have to admit they are broken and they broke themselves out of weakness and failure.
Addiction follows this pattern. Weakness and narcissism lead to self-medication and self-immolation. But instead of calling it what it is and identifying it accurately, we need to remove the blame and the responsibility. And the debauched field of mental health creates a disease. Why? Why, so it can be treated. Narcotics addiction is a character defect, and addicts are directly responsible for their bad choices. But we don't make money unless we diseasify it and create programs to treat it, which of course allow us to check off a diagnosis code for remuneration by insurance companies and government.
Amazingly enough, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) can be very effective for treatment of people suffering from addictions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
The whole thing is a racket.
Have you ever tried telling that to someone who has had their life literally saved by therapy and other treatment programs that it's all a "racket"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
But today, determinism rules and they "just couldn't help it". It's poppycock, but everyone who has failed in this manner clings to the disease nonsense so they can relieve themselves of being at fault.
As I have said, I have known many people who have struggled with addiction. Not one of these people has ever said that they bear no fault for the situation that they are in. If anything, they believe they are complete failures for not simply being able to stop taking pills, not being able to simply step away from the slot machine, or whatever the compulsion may be, due in no small part to this sort of ridiculous attitude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
However, it's window dressing and lies. A thing is what it is. A druggie is a self-chosen path. Alcohol and narcotics are chosen and consumed. Blame, fault, and responsibility go squarely on the shoulders of the person making the choice.
What about addictions that are not directly substance-related, such as gambling?
Do you honestly think that it's as "easy" as simply admitting that one is a weak failure of a human being, and stepping away? If it was as simple as that, there would be FAR few people suffering, that I can guarantee.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella
We need to get back to reality on this. That is the only way people get to fix themselves. First they have to admit they are broken and they broke themselves out of weakness and failure.
How are people supposed to "fix themselves"? That's a serious question.
I don't believe that kicking oneself in the butt repeatedly for being "weak" and a "failure" has a very high success rate, but I'd like to hear how you propose that people who are in active addiction "fix themselves".
So much hate on city data for fellow humanity. Many people are addicted to something. To most Americans that addiction is money/status at all costs. Others are addicted to TV, gambling, sex, shopping etc, all things which ruin relationships and make people miserable. We all die eventually, so let people live their lives as they see fit. Jim Morrison probably lived more in 27 years than I have.
That said too many people choose to enable drug users. Look if someone seems like they might steal your things dont let them in your house. Meet them at the park to do something free, or if you dont want to meet them at all, just dont. I dont generally associate with people with wildly different lifestlyes either.
Most of our lives chained to corporate desks and paying interest in mortgage payments are pretty useless. Its not surprising some rebel. Many of these "oddballs" often are "selfish" and produce great literature, music etc, as they see the world through a different lens than most.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
