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Why report it? What's going to happen? What's going to change? The majority of time, nothing happens and nothing changes. So why go through all that?
Why keep reliving it and having to tell the police numerous times. Telling lawyers numerous times. Social workers. Counselors. The list goes on and on. Many people don't end up with closure because they're reliving it all the time.
There's different types of sexual assault and a lot of it is he said she said. So how do you prove anything? How do you not destroy your reputation and become a liability?
Why report it? What's going to happen? What's going to change? The majority of time, nothing happens and nothing changes. So why go through all that?
Why keep reliving it and having to tell the police numerous times. Telling lawyers numerous times. Social workers. Counselors. The list goes on and on. Many people don't end up with closure because they're reliving it all the time.
There's different types of sexual assault and a lot of it is he said she said. So how do you prove anything? How do you not destroy your reputation and become a liability?
Why report it? Because in some cases, at least, it means that the perpetrator will be caught and kept from doing it again. In my case, the detailed description I gave of my attacker helped the police to catch him as he attempted to break into the house next door to where he lived. If I had not reported him, he might have raped and even murdered two innocent little girls. BTW, going to court did not destroy MY reputation, although going before the Grand Jury as well as the jury trial were certainly stressful experiences for me. Fortunately, it was very obvious to the judge that the perp had mental problems which were exacerbated by alcohol. i.e., he had conveniently had "amnesia" every time he drank and went out to attack women with a knife. Thankfully, he was sentenced to an indefinite term in the Patuxent Institution.
Why report it? Because in some cases, at least, it means that the perpetrator will be caught and kept from doing it again. In my case, the detailed description I gave of my attacker helped the police to catch him as he attempted to break into the house next door to where he lived. If I had not reported him, he might have raped and even murdered two innocent little girls. BTW, going to court did not destroy MY reputation, although going before the Grand Jury as well as the jury trial were certainly stressful experiences for me. Fortunately, it was very obvious to the judge that the perp had mental problems which were exacerbated by alcohol. i.e., he had conveniently had "amnesia" every time he drank and went out to attack women with a knife. Thankfully, he was sentenced to an indefinite term in the Patuxent Institution.
That's your story. Sadly, that's not everyone's story. And reporting does NOT guarantee that something will be done. Reporting an assault doesn't guarantee a criminal conviction. Doesn't even guarantee an arrest. I didn't say going to court would ruin anyone's reputation.
The whole process didn't destroy my reputation either - reporting, testifying, etc., even though the defense attorney tried his best to cast aspersions on me. Yeah, I know - part of his job. Still hard stuff to sit through.
The whole process didn't destroy my reputation either - reporting, testifying, etc., even though the defense attorney tried his best to cast aspersions on me. Yeah, I know - part of his job. Still hard stuff to sit through.
If a claim is made at work, one could get a reputation as troublemaker. I've seen it happen. Happens outside of work as well.
Millions of women don't even know what the word "rape" means. When it happens to them, they don't know what to call it. I also think there is something essentially so wrong about combining sex with violence -- in the case of rape using sex as a weapon of violence -- that it simply doesn't compute. And even if the rapist doesn't say something to the victim along the lines of "you brought this on yourself," many, many victims cope with it, get at least a fingernail's-grip sense of control over the situation, by finding a way to blame themselves for it. Once they see themselves as being at fault, they are not going to tell a soul, out of a fear of being blamed for what was already a horrible experience. And, of course, many victims are blamed, in the cruelest possible terms. Like the girl who reports the captain of the football team and has to leave school and attend somewhere else because the whole student body and the football coach all turn on her.
Years ago the university's football players enticed a 14 year old to a dorm room where they gang raped her. They videotaped it. Some were charged, but not sure if they charged everyone. The university immediately started damage control to protect their football players. They kept after the prosecutor who eventually dropped all charges saying no one had got hurt so he wasn't going forward with it.
Almost every woman I know has been sexually harassed or assaulted. People only think if you get dragged into bushes by a stranger that it counts.
One of my brothers fondled a passed out girl at her own engagement party. It was a nightmare bc her now husband was the best friend of my other brother and lived across the street. So after the pervert brother goes home, she tells us what happened. Her husband, my brother and another friend go to the house and beat up my brother. The next day, she wants to go to the police but my mom says she will charge the husband with coming into the house and the pervert will charge him with assault. So she couldn't even get justice. I never talked to him again. I still can't get over how he forever stained a huge day for her and my mom protected him.
The point is that people protect scum and oftentimes, victims have baggage. If you have kids but sometimes smoke weed, maybe the guy who raped you threatens to get your kids taken away or call your job to drug test you, etc. People in town think you're making a big deal out of nothing. There's many women who were abused and instead of being champions, they feel like they got over it so you should, too.
Agreed, but that's not how the real world works. A Prosecutor see these cases all the time, they're not looking out for your best interest or justice. They are looking for quick work, if they can discredit the accuser easily then they rather not see the case goes to trial. They got bigger fish to fry. Now, the only way to win is to have your own attorney and then have the case reviewed to put enough pressure on the prosecutor to act. How many women follow through with this??
Rose McGowen did and she got paid $150k and now she hitting back against Weinstein again. Typically when you settle a case you're not supposed to have anything to do with the defendant anymore but she's using this spotlight because she knows Weinstein doesn't dare to shut her up right now.
I do watch my friends' back that's all I can do. I'm not gonna play daddy by telling other girls how to behave or how other guys should treat women. A lot of females do the most provocative and silly things when they drink in front of males to get attention. When they do that, they attract nothing but jerks.
I was dating a girl on and off for awhile and I never made any moves on her but one day she told me that she wants to go to a club nearby and I took her there, she started drinking and I could not believe the way she acted once she had a few drinks. Now I took her back home while she was still intoxicated. When we reached her apt, she told me to come in and obviously she was in the mood so we ended up sleeping together. When she got sober, she could not believe that we just slept together she didn't plan to do that. She didn't blame me but she told me next day that she want to be left alone and think about it.
The point I want to make is that often women make poor judgements when they drink.
So you understand that some women make poor decisions when they drink, but didn't take that into consideration when she was intoxicated before you had sex with her, after never having laid a finger on her when she was sober?
I know, I know... she was "in the mood". What a great guy you are!
I guess I am kind of understanding now why you don't think it makes sense for women to report sexual assault crimes. Don't do it! The prosecutor is not in it for you and not on your side! your reputation will be ruined and you will become a liability! ( whatever that means).
Last edited by Sydney123; 10-20-2017 at 11:49 PM..
Almost every woman I know has been sexually harassed or assaulted. People only think if you get dragged into bushes by a stranger that it counts.
One of my brothers fondled a passed out girl at her own engagement party. It was a nightmare bc her now husband was the best friend of my other brother and lived across the street. So after the pervert brother goes home, she tells us what happened. Her husband, my brother and another friend go to the house and beat up my brother. The next day, she wants to go to the police but my mom says she will charge the husband with coming into the house and the pervert will charge him with assault. So she couldn't even get justice. I never talked to him again. I still can't get over how he forever stained a huge day for her and my mom protected him.
The point is that people protect scum and oftentimes, victims have baggage. If you have kids but sometimes smoke weed, maybe the guy who raped you threatens to get your kids taken away or call your job to drug test you, etc. People in town think you're making a big deal out of nothing. There's many women who were abused and instead of being champions, they feel like they got over it so you should, too.
It's sick.
It's sick. Both your molesting brother and enabling mom sound horrible. But---not blaming the victim for the sexual assault---I can't get over all the drinking people do, to the point of passing out. I can understand a glass of champagne or a couple of glasses of wine to celebrate the engagement, but drinking to the point of being that intoxicated just doesn't make sense to me. And doesn't it stain the next day to wake up with a bad hangover? Don't understand why the fact that she had just gotten engaged and was with people she likes wasn't enough.
And I'm curious---if she was passed out, how did she know she was fondled?
Also curious---I know you never talked to your brother again, but how about your mom?
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