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Hello Friends. My mom passed away two months ago due to complications of Dementia. She was 90. Last time I saw her was almost two years ago and couldn't make it to her funeral due to a new work situation. While mourning her death, my brother and father have turned their backs on me for not going to her funeral yet read a poem I had written for her before her death. I have my husband and son, but feel like I lost my whole family when she died. They live cross country as well. Really having a hard time coming to terms with the way she died. She had a blood infection from an undetected UTI and was admitted to the hospital by my Dad. After antibiotics and fluids, she over came the infection, but my Dad decided this was the time to implement a DNR while hospitalized which means he had the hospital stop giving her fluids, food and only morphine if it looked like she was in pain. She fought for her life for two weeks while being starved to death. My Dad decided she shouldn't live any longer with Dementia and wasn't really living. Doctor's did what he wanted. Her heart was good, her vitals were good, but as far I am concerned, she was killed.
Mikesmom,
I am so sorry for your ordeal leading to the loss of your mom. I feel your post is so important given similar circumstances I've had forced on me, I'm wondering if you would copy your own post and place it one of the threads where others have posted about their experiences of being dismissed or at least weren't consulted for their thoughts?
I'll be looking for your posts in some of the threads where others are dealy with very recent losses.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,570,310 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv
Me too, Marcy. More power to her. I doubt I ever will either. Too much trouble to try again. Plus I was truly happy with Earl and no man, IMO, could ever come close to the character he had. I'm getting very comfortable with my "oneness" role and am not as lonely as I used to be. It's just becoming a way of life. There's oodles of people out there, single, searching for love and never finding it. I was blessed with Earl and am starting to have no problem with accepting that he was a "lesson" sent to me and I learned that "lesson" well and am content even though Earl gave me his "blessings" to find another love, I don't think I want to. Does that make me weird?
Hi ya, Bluff!
Tami, I love the way you said Earl was sent to you as a lesson. I have often felt that way about Bob. I have learned so much about myself, good and bad, since he died and I feel, too, that I've learned so many lessons from him that have made me a better person. I'm still working on those lessons, and like you, I'm learning to enjoy my "oneness". I truly enjoy living on my own. It's the first time in my life I ever have. I was the girl that went from Mom and Dad's to college to marriage with no "oneness" in between. This was the hardest mountain to climb, and in many ways I'm still climbing it, but at the almost four year mark, I'm starting to enjoy my home (and it is becoming home, and not just a hosue) and my "me" time. I'm not regimented into making dinner at a certain time, doing laundry on certain days, going grocery shopping on Wednesdays, or any of those routines. I like the randomness of coming and going whenever I want, eating whatever whenever, and not feeling obligated to do certain things at certain times. I truly miss companionship, chit-chat, having a dinner companion and a bed mate, but I look at it as a former life, and I'm in this one now. I'm lonely at times, but not lonely enough to feel I need a man to make me whole again. This is my life, for the rest of my life, and I'm okay, comfortable. Not particularly happy, or fulfilled, not many friends, and family far away, but still, I'm comfortable, and I'll take that.
Tami, I love the way you said Earl was sent to you as a lesson. I have often felt that way about Bob. I have learned so much about myself, good and bad, since he died and I feel, too, that I've learned so many lessons from him that have made me a better person. I'm still working on those lessons, and like you, I'm learning to enjoy my "oneness". I truly enjoy living on my own. It's the first time in my life I ever have. I was the girl that went from Mom and Dad's to college to marriage with no "oneness" in between. This was the hardest mountain to climb, and in many ways I'm still climbing it, but at the almost four year mark, I'm starting to enjoy my home (and it is becoming home, and not just a hosue) and my "me" time. I'm not regimented into making dinner at a certain time, doing laundry on certain days, going grocery shopping on Wednesdays, or any of those routines. I like the randomness of coming and going whenever I want, eating whatever whenever, and not feeling obligated to do certain things at certain times. I truly miss companionship, chit-chat, having a dinner companion and a bed mate, but I look at it as a former life, and I'm in this one now. I'm lonely at times, but not lonely enough to feel I need a man to make me whole again. This is my life, for the rest of my life, and I'm okay, comfortable. Not particularly happy, or fulfilled, not many friends, and family far away, but still, I'm comfortable, and I'll take that.
I'm glad you can relate to "lesson", Marcy. I can relate to just about all you feel also. I do miss the chatting, sleeping beside him, dinner companion. I was never much on my own in my former life either. When I did have a couple of "alone" times in my life, I always had my parents and daughter. Now with daughter dearest "shunning" me and Mom and Dad dead, I am really all alone and on my own. BUT I am learning to embrace it, even somewhat like it. I, like you, am liking this not having to answer to anyone. If I need to go out at midnight for a new pack of smokes, I can. I eat when I want, I eat what I want. If I want to watch the Red Sox, I will. Earl hated baseball! I watched the Sox move up into the World Series last night. Yay! Of course I would trade it all in a heartbeat to have him back but.....
Hello Friends. My mom passed away two months ago due to complications of Dementia. She was 90. Last time I saw her was almost two years ago and couldn't make it to her funeral due to a new work situation. While mourning her death, my brother and father have turned their backs on me for not going to her funeral yet read a poem I had written for her before her death. I have my husband and son, but feel like I lost my whole family when she died. They live cross country as well. Really having a hard time coming to terms with the way she died. She had a blood infection from an undetected UTI and was admitted to the hospital by my Dad. After antibiotics and fluids, she over came the infection, but my Dad decided this was the time to implement a DNR while hospitalized which means he had the hospital stop giving her fluids, food and only morphine if it looked like she was in pain. She fought for her life for two weeks while being starved to death. My Dad decided she shouldn't live any longer with Dementia and wasn't really living. Doctor's did what he wanted. Her heart was good, her vitals were good, but as far I am concerned, she was killed.
I am so sorry to hear the story of your Mom's death, mikesmom. I don't blame you for your feelings. Plus I think that's very rude of your father and brother to turn their backs on you for not being able to get to the funeral. I'm sorry your Mom's death has meant you basically lost your entire family.
I am so sorry for your ordeal leading to the loss of your mom. I feel your post is so important given similar circumstances I've had forced on me, I'm wondering if you would copy your own post and place it one of the threads where others have posted about their experiences of being dismissed or at least weren't consulted for their thoughts?
I'll be looking for your posts in some of the threads where others are dealy with very recent losses.
MSR
Oh, I must have misunderstood. I thought this group was about grieving and loss? Where should I have posted?
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,570,310 times
Reputation: 8044
mikesmom, this is the right place for grieving and loss. I think what Mtn. States meant was that you also had the loss of your father and family by shunning you, and that your post could also work in one of the psych forums, but for the loss of your mom, absolutely this is the right forum.
Like others have said, I'm so sorry that you lost your mom, and I'm especially sorry you were treated so horribly by your family. I hope that your family will come around, as they understood at one point why you couldn't go to the funeral because they read your poem. I hope you continue to post here and that you'll find some peace. Sometimes family can be very cruel, and it hurts deeply. Many of us have been through family issues because of loss of loved ones, and can understand what you're feeling.
mikesmom, Marcy is absolutely correct. This IS the place to post about your grief and MSR was just asking if you could post in one of the psych threads. He could see a correlation there. Whether you do or not, feel free to post here as much as you need to. I found this forum to be a literal life saver when it was my time.
MSR: Thanks...I do seem to be a
"cat person." There are a lot of homeless cats who need love and attention. (And food and shelter, etc.)....All of my cats are gone now except for my son's (one and only) remaining cat...So I'm free to give the "rescue cats" and a few "rescue dogs" my attention now... Why not? It helps me just as much as (I hope) it helps them!.. You're welcome to call me "CAT" too! ("Cat crazy" or "cat nut" or whatever!) It's "all good!" (To me anyway!)
Last edited by CArizona; 10-21-2013 at 09:14 AM..
Reason: oops!
Oh, I must have misunderstood. I thought this group was about grieving and loss? Where should I have posted?
Mikesmom,
There are various threads in the Grief and Mourning. I think many people only read 2-3 threads. I could be wrong.
I thought you had so many important points that I wish you would copy and post in a couple more threads here. In no way was I suggesting you not post here, rather just the opposite. It can be a lot of emotional work to post a post like yours, which is why I I suggested cut and paste.
If you have the time, emotional and physical strength, write in more threads here. I've read posts in other threads here in Grief and Mourning, that have some common factors with your post in this thread. I thought more people could benefit or perhaps share more of what they have started but couldn't find the words to continue to write.
Sorry for the misunderstanding, Mikesmom. I hope you'll continue to post here and maybe some of the other threads in the Grief and Mourning Forum.
Sorry, Marcy. I have to root against your Broncos today although I love Peyton and another Brady vs Manning game would be a great game. I don't like it when we have to play a mile up in the sky. Bad for breathing.
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