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My brother did not die peacefully. He had cirrhosis of the liver from Hepatitis C. He was in terrible pain and had been transferred from one hospital to another. They kept him in a holding room while they waited for the first hospital to send paperwork, and he was in that room for hours begging for something for the pain and the nurses kept telling my mother they couldn't give him anything until they got their paperwork and properly admitted him. Then he went into a seizure and died. It was horrible for my mom to watch her son die that way.
The only reason he was moved in the first place was that the first hospital said the second one might have the opportunity for a transplant. We later realized they were just playing a dirty game to get rid of a patient for whom there was no hope. The second hospital then tried to bill my mother for the few hours my brother had spent there. My mother told them exactly what she thought of their "services", and she never heard from them again.
This thread reminds me of Stephen King writing in Hearts in Atlantis. He refers to the 58,000 Americans killed in Vietnam, all of whom died instantly and never saw it coming.
I'm in healthcare and have done many many terminal weans. People who are properly sedated die peacefully. I've found some terminal weans hard to watch. My friend with lung cancer died peacefully because I stayed with her and helped with her morphine drip. The kid who got shot in the chest in ER didn't die peacefully. His eyes were full of fear when he looked at me and said "I can't breathe." He died after his last word. People who fall asleep in their bed die peacefully. They never knew what hit them, nor did my FIL who dropped dead walking down the road. My husband who is an evidence tech. has had to process death scenes that look like there has been a struggle. No doubt that one went out fighting. I had a man go into cardiac arrest at work. come back and hit me on the head. He looked around and died again for good. I've taken care of comfort care patients that linger for days. There's no telling if they're comfortable or aware. Everybody is different. Me I want to be in the go to sleep and never wake up category.
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My dad died of liver failure from reactivated Hep B that he got as a medic during WWII. His death was peaceful. He was in the hospital for about a month, and fairly out of it for a couple of weeks before he died, but not on any pain meds. Two days before he died, he went into a coma and finally just stopped breathing.
My mom and my husband both died almost instantly (although 20 years apart) from ventricular fibrillation and I don't think they felt anything. They both had time to realize something was wrong and lie down, but were gone within seconds.
Either of those ways of dying, or just obliviously in my sleep are okay. I don't want to hang on, linger, be a burden, be helpless, drool, need bedpans, or make my family watch me wither away as a vegetable or from dementia.
I've known people who have died both ways, peacefully and not so peacefully. My husband's grandfather had a faith in God that could not be measured. He is the only person in my lifetime that I have ever seen die with a smile on his face. I wouldn't think it gets more peaceful than that. Although she suffered from liver failure due to a type of blood cancer, my mother-in-law passed at peace as well. It was a different peace than her father-in-law but it was nonetheless a faith based peace and in her words to us two days before, she "talked the talk, it was time to walk the walk".
But how true is this? I don't think all died peacefully. Some people died really difficult, maby they don't want to die and tried desperately to stay alive.
I myself know 2 people who did said they will fight if death comes. And you?
Surely not everyone died peacefully, there are people who, because of strong-will they tried to habg on as long as possible!
Your opinion?
I've been a hospice center volunteer for about six years and have yet to see someone die in a manner other than peacefully. Some patients are combative shortly before the end, but all that I have witnessed eventually calmed down when it was very near their time to go. It's very comforting to see them peaceful at the end.
I do know that once in a while a patient will struggle until just seconds before they take their last breath, and that is sad. Sometimes that happens when loved ones try to force them to eat or drink. Patients know on some level when it is their time to die, and their systems shut down and they no longer need to eat or drink. Loved ones sometimes have difficulty accepting this because they don't want to let the patient go, even though the patient knows it is time.
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I've been a hospice center volunteer for about six years...
I admire this so much. You are a very brave, compassionate and lovely person to volunteer for such a terribly difficult job. I know I couldn't do it, it would rip me apart emotionally to see people breath their last.
Give yourself a pat on the back for helping out those in their last days. Amazing!
I hope this isn't upsetting to anyone, but I would imagine (and I am not a physician), that dying of a heart attack will not be a peaceful death? I would think a great deal of pain would be involved.
This is true. most dying patients are given enough pain killers to ease the body. Thus, they are "peaceful" Even those that arent given anything will lapse into an unconscious state for a short while before they truly die.
It would be unusual for a person to die, screaming and fighting. It may work that way for some, but for most, those last few minutes or hours, will be quiet and motionless. You can call it peaceful if you want to.
A girl I worked with - she was one of my account executives - mid to late 40's - was stricken with cancer -I forget what kind but it was Stage 4 and she had days. She was in the hospital receiving treatment and then we heard nothing could be done and it was hours. I went to her service and at the wake, I overheard a relative stating she was crying and saying she didn't want to die just a couple of hours before. That just killed me to think of this sweet woman going like that. I think of her often.
My parents, however, both died peacefully. My father asked for a cup of hot milk, closed his eyes after speaking with my mother and told her "I'm ready to go meet my Maker" - my mom was also peaceful - she was with Hospice but they were caring for her gently - not much given as pain killers but they could tell when it was time. We were with her; very tough but she was peaceful and knew we were there.
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One that I remember....
