Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've known people who have died both ways, peacefully and not so peacefully. My husband's grandfather had a faith in God that could not be measured. He is the only person in my lifetime that I have ever seen die with a smile on his face. I wouldn't think it gets more peaceful than that. Although she suffered from liver failure due to a type of blood cancer, my mother-in-law passed at peace as well. It was a different peace than her father-in-law but it was nonetheless a faith based peace and in her words to us two days before, she "talked the talk, it was time to walk the walk".
Watching my mother exercise her faith all the way to the end has spoken volumes to her children she left behind and her 12 grandchildren. She told us over and over again that it was time; that she wanted to go and be with Jesus and she would close her eyes and smile a smile of contentment we had never seen.
We did have time with her and all of us said what we needed to say. She was a great mom and I loved her dearly.
Not sure if it was peaceful physically (she was pretty drugged up), but my stepmother died after a 9 month experience with bile duct cancer. She was pretty clear that after a certain point she was done fighting. At first she was scared, but then seemed accepting of her death and the rest of the family was able to prepare. She died in her bed with her two children and my father by her side. My father said she didn't seem scared and was ready to go.
This makes me happy. I'm sure the woman was in pain, but mentally she was spent. I'm grateful she was able to face her death the way she did, with acceptance. She's my role model.
Folks, I'm going back several pages - but I want to gently remind everyone this is a GRIEF forum - there are people reading and posting who are in pain and who have lost loved ones in horrific ways. Let's not make it any harder than it is with graphic descriptions, shall we? Thank you.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,700 posts, read 58,012,579 times
Reputation: 46172
As mentioned, there are many ways to mitigate the process. I have done hospice and attended accidents and emergency room deaths, as well as attended several of my relatives and friends.
YOU can do a lot to help calm fears and emotions with a comforting touch and voice and music. SOME have a tough time letting go, it is helpful to work this out BEFORE their death is imminent. STILL For some this is very tough to do. It helps to realize we ALL will face it, best be prepared. I hope my own death is a surprise, but it certainly won't give ME the choice. People who like to BE IN CONTROL don't take kindly to relinquishing it.
We were just having a long discussion about this last night (a 'terminal' relative and I). We had just lost a very dear uncle who had been brain dead for 10 yrs. Don't pass up 'opportunities' to talk about death, but don't DRAG those discussions out. I cared for my own dad 30+ yrs and attended him in death. He was a tough old WWII vet and wasn't about to give up EZ. But at last he was at peace, and I went home for a very long nap (after 30+ yrs of confrontation). LIFE and DEATH bring plenty of challenges / opportunities to 'GROW'.
One of the most 'rewarding compliments' I got was from a trauma staff who watched me deal with the unexpected death of a very dear neighbor. They invited me to 'stick around', and help with their 'next patient' as I handled the crisis, staff, and families very gently; yet with honesty and support. Lots of families go nuts and it is no fun for staff. BE PREPARED, Be KIND, Be considerate of all.
Many times the words used are---------" died peacefully surrounded by their family "
Yet, I have heard of many cases that the family were by the deathbed for a long time and it was when they left to get some food or to go home and catch a nap that the person died.
( such was the case with my mother-in-law and the nursing home staff said it was not unusual for a person to want to die alone )
My personal experience with cherished loved ones leaving and with patients passing on (I'm a cna In a rehab/long term care facility) that many times people are comforted and bolstered by the presence of those they know and love. Sometmes t seems the mere presence of individuals enables them to hold on for minutes-hours longer, only to allow themselves release in the quietness. Other tmes the body s simply so tired that the person will leave while physical care is being administered. the human body and the spiritual life force are mysterious phenomenons.
I hope this isn't upsetting to anyone, but I would imagine (and I am not a physician), that dying of a heart attack will not be a peaceful death? I would think a great deal of pain would be involved.
That could go either way. My FIL simply dropped dead while walking down the road with my MIL. I've taken many patients from ER directly to the cath lab in pain and in cardiac arrest. One Md in there was amazing. He opened up that artery in about 2 minutes while I was manually breathing for that person. I know that guy was in pain. My FIL never knew what hit him. I often wonder why our society is kinder to suffering pets then we are to our own race. Some sedation and one quick shot is all it would take to guarantee a peaceful death, yet we let people die inch by inch for sometimes weeks. Why?
Some sedation and one quick shot is all it would take to guarantee a peaceful death, yet we let people die inch by inch for sometimes weeks. Why?
Interesting question. I think people always believe that their loved one will recover. Hope springs eternal and I don't blame anyone for thinking their loved one with experience a cure. Even if a physician says they are "terminal," medical miracles do occur. Lance Armstrong is one such famous case where a terminally ill cancer patient miraculously recovered.
I saw a man die from an Asthma attack in our house when I was 9. And I had asthma also and had to be rushed to the hospital 3yrs prior to this mans incident. He and his family were visiting us, and I saw him walk out of the bathroom holding his chest, and so we all gathered around him. They tried to use my old nebulizer for him, but he kept fighting, and couldn't be controlled.
We called 911, and he died a couple minutes later in the ambulance. His whole family was at our house visiting also, so that made it worse. I took a nap, woke up and the whole house was just filled with peopel weeping Fast-foward 14yrs later in 2012 I end-up having an asthma attack, and I'm rushed to the hospital. I almost died in the same manner. Thank god I'm still here. But that man dying has stuck with all these years.
I wasn't at my grandmothers bedside when she died when I was 16, but I heard that she was in pain, but died peacfully near the end when she had Pancreatic cancer. She was also devout in her faith, and her husband(my grandfather) was a pastor who had died 12 or 13yrs prior when I was 3. My mother also told me that lightning struck the minute she died, as it was raining outside. Man, this life is a trip.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
