One day at a time...

[Mtn. States Resident]

Originally Posted by CArizona

Mtn. States..Thanks for all your wrote...Well normally I do okay but I can get "overwhelmed" pretty fast. My "nerves" and my concentration skills probably aren't "up to par" quite yet...Even though my cousin lives in the country her life can be pretty "fast-paced." For starters she runs her own sewing business...Then she pitches-in and helps her big family with everything. (Farming, running a cattle auction, and you name it!)...Plus she attends all of her grandkids' games and events. (Even if it means driving across the state or to a neighboring state.)...She's a "dynamo" and she's in her 70's. (Older than me.)...I'd love to pitch-in and help "my family" too but I'm not quite up to it yet...One of the highlights of my trip was riding in a modern combine and harvesting corn with my cousin's SIL...Wow! We had a "heartfelt talk" during our ride together. And got along great!...On top of everything else my cousin delivers food to people in her town through "Meals on Wheels." She visits people in local nursing homes and bakes bread and rolls and "cans" apple butter for neighbors and friends and family members...She has "unlimited energy!" And always takes time to "be there" for the people she loves...Anyway I'd love to be part of everything but I'm still in a "recovery phase" right now.

Wow, I'm exhausted reading all your cousin does and I'm much younger. She didn't start all those projects/service the same day, month or year. I'd need some time too. Nonetheless, would a vacation to her area be beneficial sometime?

I didn't mean to imply you should visit this month or next. I'm simply wondering if a visit when you're ready would let you better assess if you might want to relocate to the area or not. A vacation/visit is finding out more information not packing boxes for a move.

I hope that helps clarify my original point a little more clearly.

MSR

[CArizona]

Mtn. States...I didn't think you were urging me to visit my cousin right away...Sorry! I guess I got carried-away describing my cousin's life...I had some quality time with my cousin on my last trip. But she's busy round the clock...I spent a lot of time with her husband because he was "free." We took drives together. And had interesting conversations...Every night he and I ate ice cream with various toppings. And sometimes we ate popcorn or peanuts too. (In addition to ice cream!)...I would like to take another trip back. (If I can find someone dependable to watch my cats. Don't want to put them in a kennel.)...My cousin is probably somewhat of a "workaholic." And her husband wants to "chill" a little more and enjoy retirement.

[Bluff_Dweller]

Originally Posted by CArizona

Bluff...Glad you're having cooler weather. It would be weird to see local women wearing your wife's clothes...What is the population of your town?.. Are you having your A/C repaired or replaced? Good luck.

Sorry to be so slow in answering you CA, I had a little "puter" trouble and am just now getting on line again (I think). I also imagine I hear Tami giggling about how I am going to answer you about the population of my town. When we had a conversation about my "city" she made fun of me. Fact is that ever since we were married we have lived in the country for 49 1/2 years except our first 4 years in Joplin, Kansas City and back to Joplin. We moved to our present location (which was our family farm) in 1959 and it is 15 miles from our closest little town of about 235 population. About 50 miles from a larger city where I was born but left when I was two weeks old.

We looked at all the four corners on the USA for a retirement location and decided there wasn't anything any better than what we had so we removed my folks old house and built a new one in 2002. With all new appliances we thought they would last longer than we but it doesn't appear to be the case as the outside part of the heat pump needs replacing after 11 years. It will also include another 5 year warrenty. It is scheduled for next Wednesday. Supposed to be three days in the high 80's and the rest of the week in the 90's. The repairman put in some freon to last me until the new assembly is installed so it is 77 degrees inside the house again. Yea!
(((HUGS))) Bluff

I had a visit from a couple of students of the first class I taught in 1969. They are now retired which makes me feel really old. LOL

[Mtn. States Resident]

I had what I thought was a fairly bright idea. I remembered my friend had a cousin in a city I knew. It dawned on me I could ask the cousin about details of what happened with the "Family Only," services.

After I did some detective work and found someone who could forward my email to the cousin. My plan worked for getting us connected.

I had several questions for the cousin, but felt most should be asked on the phone. Because my email had to be forwarded by someone I don't know, I was very generic just mentioning I didn't know when she last heard about or talked to my friend.

Somehow I wasn't prepared for the answer I received. The cousin said she hadn't talked with or heard about my friend for several months.

It dawned on me this cousin hasn't been told about my friend's death. I'm going to have to tell a family member about my friend's death. Unbelievable to me.

MSR

[tamiznluv]

Whoa, MSR, tough thing to find out and have to do. Guess she didn't have any answers for you about the "closed" wake/funeral of your so. That must be really painful and exceedingly frustrating.

Your late so's family sounds like my in-laws. After my MIL died, Earl and I were never informed of anybody's death in his family. We either found out by accident or didn't find out at all. I called one of his cousins earlier this year and she didn't know that Earl had died. She and we used to see each other every week but lost touch when we moved. I didn't even know her hubby had died prior to Earl. When my MIL and her generation of matriarchs were alive, everybody knew everything. Now nobody know anything.

[Mtn. States Resident]

Originally Posted by tamiznluv

Whoa, MSR, tough thing to find out and have to do. Guess she didn't have any answers for you about the "closed" wake/funeral of your so. That must be really painful and exceedingly frustrating.

Your late so's family sounds like my in-laws. After my MIL died, Earl and I were never informed of anybody's death in his family. We either found out by accident or didn't find out at all. I called one of his cousins earlier this year and she didn't know that Earl had died. She and we used to see each other every week but lost touch when we moved. I didn't even know her hubby had died prior to Earl. When my MIL and her generation of matriarchs were alive, everybody knew everything. Now nobody know anything.

Tami,

Thanks for your note. The cousin and I are going to talk tomorrow. Any tips from your experiences you can share?

My friend wasn't an S O. At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging, we worked together and probably too many days that work went home to continue. I'm quoting someone I can't name here given privacy reasons let alone patents. I was told had my pal and I not documented and problem-solved certain things we reported, two medicines currently available in the US wouldn't have been approved.. I guess it is vague enough to write it was the Medical Director for a pharmaceutical company who shared that info and more.

Sometimes, I think certain progress in work leads to co-workers sharing housing and being like family leads to some of our great discoveries, or maybe literature or other. Sometimes some people feel drawn to certain work. Eight hrs/day isn't enough.

I'm no one special but have had to sign a lot of legal documents over the years about who and what I can't identify by name, company name and other. Besides, I would never use my friend's name etc. as I wouldn't want the "survivors" to know or read my thoughts and questions now.

The cousin sent me an email since I posted. She wants to know more of why we need to talk. How does one answer a perfectly legitamite email with great questions?

I finally wrote back I've been concerned her side of the family hadn't been getting accurate enough information from the family living in X state. I also said I hoped she could help me better understand some of the decisions of the family in X state. I don't think there is anything inaccurate in what I wrote.

Where I've lived and worked each life was honored. Do extended families now not share the loss of a blood relative with other family?

Cutting me out due to the jealousy and other I can at least understand in some ways. Cutting full-bloodied cousins and others out from knowing their cousin has died, I absolutely don't understand.

MSR

[tamiznluv]

Originally Posted by Mtn. States Resident

Tami,

Thanks for your note. The cousin and I are going to talk tomorrow. Any tips from your experiences you can share?

My friend wasn't an S O. At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging, we worked together and probably too many days that work went home to continue. I'm quoting someone I can't name here given privacy reasons let alone patents. I was told had my pal and I not documented and problem-solved certain things we reported, two medicines currently available in the US wouldn't have been approved.. I guess it is vague enough to write it was the Medical Director for a pharmaceutical company who shared that info and more.

Sometimes, I think certain progress in work leads to co-workers sharing housing and being like family leads to some of our great discoveries, or maybe literature or other. Sometimes some people feel drawn to certain work. Eight hrs/day isn't enough.

I'm no one special but have had to sign a lot of legal documents over the years about who and what I can't identify by name, company name and other. Besides, I would never use my friend's name etc. as I wouldn't want the "survivors" to know or read my thoughts and questions now.

The cousin sent me an email since I posted. She wants to know more of why we need to talk. How does one answer a perfectly legitamite email with great questions?

I finally wrote back I've been concerned her side of the family hadn't been getting accurate enough information from the family living in X state. I also said I hoped she could help me better understand some of the decisions of the family in X state. I don't think there is anything inaccurate in what I wrote.

Where I've lived and worked each life was honored. Do extended families now not share the loss of a blood relative with other family?

Cutting me out due to the jealousy and other I can at least understand in some ways. Cutting full-bloodied cousins and others out from knowing their cousin has died, I absolutely don't understand.

MSR

No, MSR, I have no tips. Now that Earl is dead and have talked with the two closest cousins, I just have nothing more to do with my SIL. My FIL was just abut stone deaf and mentally failing last time I knew, so I can't call him when I know SIL is working, hence I have no idea if he's even alive. My SIL was so jealous of me that I know she wouldn't want to "share" the condolences with me. Hell, by the time Earl and I came back from our honeymoon, she had had daddy write Earl out of the will in fear that I'd share in the house and property! I think that's when Earl finally realized what his family was really made of.

Oh, I didn't realize that your friend was just that, a friend and not an SO. Did his family think that? Is that maybe why you were banned? I've heard that is becoming more and more common in today's economy, co-workers sharing expenses. Nothing wrong with that! Again, I am so sorry you were treated so poorly.

[CArizona]

Bluff...Thanks for writing. I think quality is far more important than quantity when it comes to the size of our town or the number of friends we have, etc...Being happy where we're "at" is what matters the most. Don't you think?...I enjoyed my area a lot more when there wasn't much here. We went through a "growth spurt" and population boom for a few years and now the "homey" and friendly feelings are gone...Now everything seems "impersonal" and we even have "road-rage" (at times) on the highway because people are in a hurry and don't feel "bonded" to each other...Anyway, "bigger" isn't always "better." So I don't judge towns by the size of their population. A lot of other factors come into play. (For me.)...Glad your computer is fixed. Hope your current A/C holds out until your new unit comes in.

[Mtn. States Resident]

Originally Posted by tamiznluv

No, MSR, I have no tips. Now that Earl is dead and have talked with the two closest cousins, I just have nothing more to do with my SIL. My FIL was just abut stone deaf and mentally failing last time I knew, so I can't call him when I know SIL is working, hence I have no idea if he's even alive. My SIL was so jealous of me that I know she wouldn't want to "share" the condolences with me. Hell, by the time Earl and I came back from our honeymoon, she had had daddy write Earl out of the will in fear that I'd share in the house and property! I think that's when Earl finally realized what his family was really made of.

Oh, I didn't realize that your friend was just that, a friend and not an SO. Did his family think that? Is that maybe why you were banned? I've heard that is becoming more and more common in today's economy, co-workers sharing expenses. Nothing wrong with that! Again, I am so sorry you were treated so poorly.

Thanks for your nice note, Tami.
Yes, both families knew we were friends with different love interests. Certainly my friend had one in that family who told others the relationship was romantic. I think when my friend was diagnosed with cancer, probably the subject got dropped, I can't remember for sure given all we accomplished in the post-cancer years.

Jealousy, is a different issue. It doesn't matter how two people know each other. If someone is jealous, only that person can change how they feel.

I think it is fair to say I don't understand jealousy very well. I totally don't understand jealousy after death.

MSR

[tamiznluv]

Me neither and it's too bad/sad. Oh well, I don't lose any sleep over her. Always wanted a sibling but not like this one! No thanks.