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My husband died three years ago and like many other women, I have no interest in dating or even meeting someone else. I am 61 now and when I see men my age they just seem so OLD to me. My husband and I were on the same wavelength in so many ways in our warped view of the universe that the only way I could even CONSIDER being with someone else, he would have to be on that wavelength too.
What I miss most is having someone to do nothing with. I relocated 2 years after he died, and I have made new friends -- women friends -- whose company I really enjoy and I don't feel the lack of having someone. But on these cold nights during holiday season, I really wish he was still here.
I've never really allowed myself to grieve properly in the fetal-position-in-the-corner-unable-to-get-out-of-bed way. After he died, I did have that "freedom" feeling initially. My husband had been depressed and unable to keep a job for nearly a decade (I now know that he had had a number of mini-strokes that affected his brain) and for long stretches I would dread going home from work because of the negative energy that he had all the time. But as time passes, I find I miss him more rather than less. The bad times fade away and the good times torment me with what I had that I often did not appreciate how special and fragile it was.
I have looked at dating sites just to be sure I know that I DON'T want to do this and my reaction is always the same -- yuk. Too many references to appearance, high heels, lingerie, "must be very fit", "turns heads when she walks into a room", etc. Thanks but no thanks. That frantic need to appeal to the male gaze was horrible in my 20s. Why would I want to put myself through that now? Then there are the "I don't want any drama" men, which to me translates to "I don't want to know what you're feeling."
I'm not saying never. I just don't see it ever happening.
YES! I never actually thought of that! Just sitting at the kitchen table having coffee and a smoke, watching one of our programs on tv, just taking a ride to "nowhere", goin' fishin' and just sitting either in the boat or on shore for hours. Yes, that is something I miss dearly.
Meloves, no judgement, everyone has their own time.
My husband died just seven months ago and I began dating a man about five months after my husband's death. I never thought I would be interested in another man so quickly but it just happened naturally. The relationship only lasted five weeks and I just recently started dating an old friend from high school.
I'm still grieving and I'm not looking for a serious relationship but it's nice having someone to spend time with.
I'm sure some people might think that it's too soon for me to be dating but unless they've walked in my shoes they have no room to judge me. Truthfully I'm lonely and I miss my husband and having another man in my life takes the edge off the pain even if it's just temporary.
Good for you. Enjoy it. We all have our own ways of dealing with the loss and basically, no way is the wrong way.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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I noticed I posted here a little over two years ago. It's been seven years since my husband died, and I still haven't dated, or gone to breakfast/lunch/dinner/movie/etc with anyone. I am in a Book Club with a fantastic group of women, but other than Book Club, we don't socialize other than an occasional lunch at Panera or Chipolte.
When my husband was alive, we lived in a very rural area without any restaurants or entertainment near us, so I'm not used to going out for dinner or to a movie. We both loved sports on TV and had our favorite teams we followed; had lots of the same interests and truly enjoyed each others company. We were inseparable homebodies who really enjoyed taking long road trips to visit our kids spread out across the country, going on vacation camping, or when we were older, to Hawaii and more upscale places.
I still wear my wedding rings, still miss my husband terribly and cannot imagine myself dating, romantically involved or in a committed relationship with another man. But, I do get lonely and I miss conversation, chit chat when we're making dinner together, being with someone who knows you better than you know yourself, being loved and loving someone. I know that after this much time has passed, I will most likely always live alone, so I have come to be okay with it. I enjoy my "me" time, and I've volunteered in a few organizations to keep me busy. But, it would be nice to have some friends. I'm in a snowbird town in AZ now, and the people I meet are only here for a few months each year, so that makes it tough to have friends year round. But, had I stayed in CO, it was so rural that having friends and doing things together wasn't common. I'd have been alone there, too. The bottom line is to be comfortable in your own skin first before bringing someone else into your life.
I almost might have had a date a few years ago. My son, nephew and I went to eat at a local place. We talked to the guy sitting next to us for quite some time. I thought he was pretty cute, interesting, intelligent. He invited my son to his house to see his classic cars. My son is really into cars. He had a couple of young adult sons, too. My nephew, recently back from the Middle East, had some sort of psychotic episode, and assaulted my son in the men's room and ran off into the night. Son ran out onto the deck. This guy talked to him like a dad would. While my son quietly cried saying, "I couldn't hurt him", this guy said, "It's OK, son. You did the right thing."
That just made me want to rip his clothes off and... and. It's City-Data.
My wife died of cancer three months ago. I'm not the basket case I was nowadays, but of course my life partner is gone and frankly I'm pretty lonely. I am 52. I wondered what others' experiences are/ were in this situation. Thanks.
You are so young! Give it ONE YEAR. Grieve, miss her, remember her. Then slowly see what is out there, join Match or something like that. Go to "Meet-Ups" and meet folks. Just socialize a bit.
I am 61 and if my hubs passes before me, which I doubt will happen, I probably will not date. I think it is different for a woman. I am very independent and can take care of myself. I think men need a partner and mate.
Me, I'll just be the crazy cat lady down the street folks whisper about.
Be kind to yourself but don't wallow in sorrow. Wife probably would be ticked at you if you did that.
I almost might have had a date a few years ago. My son, nephew and I went to eat at a local place. We talked to the guy sitting next to us for quite some time. I thought he was pretty cute, interesting, intelligent. He invited my son to his house to see his classic cars. My son is really into cars. He had a couple of young adult sons, too. My nephew, recently back from the Middle East, had some sort of psychotic episode, and assaulted my son in the men's room and ran off into the night. Son ran out onto the deck. This guy talked to him like a dad would. While my son quietly cried saying, "I couldn't hurt him", this guy said, "It's OK, son. You did the right thing."
That just made me want to rip his clothes off and... and. It's City-Data.
My husband died just seven months ago and I began dating a man about five months after my husband's death. I never thought I would be interested in another man so quickly but it just happened naturally. The relationship only lasted five weeks and I just recently started dating an old friend from high school.
I'm still grieving and I'm not looking for a serious relationship but it's nice having someone to spend time with.
I'm sure some people might think that it's too soon for me to be dating but unless they've walked in my shoes they have no room to judge me. Truthfully I'm lonely and I miss my husband and having another man in my life takes the edge off the pain even if it's just temporary.
Very sorry for your loss. Fifteen years ago when I was age 44 my 49 year old husband passed away from a sudden heart attack. The first few months following my husband's death I was pretty much in shock, but despite it being difficult I eased my way back into the life of the living which included returning to work, spending time with friends, and resuming some of my hobbies. Having another relationship was not on my radar and not something I really thought about. Long story short, shortly after my husband's death I met a man via purchasing a car from him, and over the course of a year we became friends and had our first date around the 1st anniversary of my husband's death. This lovely friendship evolved into a romantic relationship and we have been together ever since.
I am very glad that I was open enough to allow having a friendship with this man that progressed to an intimate relationship because he brought many blessings into my life that previously I never imagined possible. Sadly, my late husband and I despite very much wanting children could never have them which was a sadness I carried in my heart for many years. I can't even count the tears I cried each time I would drive down my street and see the pink or blue balloons floating up from my neighbors mailboxes announcing the birth of another child and I knew those balloons would never be floating from my mailbox. Although my new relationship would not produce the baby I always wanted, it blessed me a wonderful adult step daughter that I could not love more than if she were my own, and through her I have two grand daughters that think I am the best Nonni on the planet and bring so much joy into my life.
You already know that there will never be another person who will replace your husband, and it is the same for those who have lost children, brothers, sisters, parents, and friends. All these great loves of our lives will always own a special place in our hearts only reserved for them. But we were born with very big hearts that always yearn to express and receive love which can take place in many forms. If you feel your big heart is yearning again to express and receive intimate love consider that a gift left to you by your husband who you experienced this type of love with and the reason you desire it again because it had a positive influence on your life.
Almost ten years into solo widower-hood, I wear my ring and I'm quite content. My marriage was 31 years of a wonderful loving friendship and I don't expect to ever see anything come close to that. Remarriage is out of the question. I've moved 1000 miles, fully retired, and reinvented my life and it would be hard for me to add another person or expect another person to be deeply part of it.
That being said, I would enjoy the company of an equally independent female friend in a casual "keeping company" sort of relationship. Dinner once in a while, coffee, movie or concert on occasion, talk, exchanging opinions. With that in mind, I made the mistake of signing up with an online match site. Yikes. Respondent expectations were much beyond what I had in mind. I won't go into details but I backed out as quickly as I could. That would certainly be a way to find a spouse but not at all what I was looking for. Nevertheless, the experience confirmed the life choice I made those years ago.
I know many people who would like just that sort of relationship. They don't want to marry again, but would like someone in their life. When you've been married for a long time, life as a single person seems rather strange.
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Young!
Although my new relationship would not produce the baby I always wanted, it blessed me a wonderful adult step daughter that I could not love more than if she were my own, and through her I have two grand daughters that think I am the best Nonni on the planet and bring so much joy into my life. 
