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Exactly. Every day is a blessing and, hopefully, you will not feel this way in 10 years.
One thing that I have learned from grieving is that life is short; when we experience the death of a loved one, it is so easy to wallow in grief and regret. However, the death of our loved ones can also serve as a reminder of our own mortality.
Life is short; we need to make the best of each and every day. I have found solace in nature--my wildflower garden that hums with endangered bees in the summer, the birds that sing each morning, the wind in the trees, the deer that run through the woods, the turkeys that strut across the lawn and the woodpeckers whose knocking echos through the forests... I could go on and on (: The beauty of this world reminds me that one day I will not be here to see it.
Honor your time with your husband by living--it is what he would want for you. It is what all of our departed loved ones want for all of us.
I know that I was blessed to have 30 years with Mike but I thought that I would have 30 more. I'm sorry that you are still sad, but I imagine that I will be in the same place you are in ten years.
One day at a time.
It's not all of the time or every day, but those damn commercials remind me that I'm not walking a lovely trail, at a town festival, or on a cruise with my special someone. It's just another thing, like having to drag my occasionally heavy trash bin to the curb. There used to be someone to help with things like that.
On the subject of painful reminders - The instructor of a training class I'm in is a recent widow. In casual conversation after class this week, I was answering questions about other activities and said "We" do thus and such... using "we" more than once.
Afterward I realized that must have been painful for the instructor and I felt bad. But I learned something and I'll be more considerate in the future.
It's not all of the time or every day, but those damn commercials remind me that I'm not walking a lovely trail, at a town festival, or on a cruise with my special someone. It's just another thing, like having to drag my occasionally heavy trash bin to the curb. There used to be someone to help with things like that.
I agree. For me it's carrying in the 50 lbs. bags of dog food. I can do it, but it was so much easier for Mike to do it.
Mike and I did ALL the household chores together and I still find it very strange (and sad) to fold laundry by myself.
On the subject of painful reminders - The instructor of a training class I'm in is a recent widow. In casual conversation after class this week, I was answering questions about other activities and said "We" do thus and such... using "we" more than once.
Afterward I realized that must have been painful for the instructor and I felt bad. But I learned something and I'll be more considerate in the future.
Obviously I can't speak for all widows, but it usually doesn't bother me much when people say "we" when talking about what they do. On the other hand, I still find myself saying "we" a lot, even though it's just "me" now.
I have found solace in nature--my wildflower garden that hums with endangered bees in the summer, the birds that sing each morning, the wind in the trees, the deer that run through the woods, the turkeys that strut across the lawn and the woodpeckers whose knocking echos through the forests... I could go on and on (: The beauty of this world reminds me that one day I will not be here to see it.
Honor your time with your husband by living--it is what he would want for you. It is what all of our departed loved ones want for all of us.
I also have always found solace in nature. A singing bird makes my day. A horse across the road just gave birth, and her foal is following her around the field. The daffodils are blooming here and their aroma is divine. Today I am headed downtown to walk around the strong and beautiful old trees that are just beginning to turn green.
My husband passed in January. I miss him terribly and am still a little numb. Right now I cannot imagine life without him, so I just go along. I talk to him all of the time and even leave the TV on with shows that he loved because it's noise I'm used to that was always in the background. It helps that I have had a few dreams where he shows up. I cannot just let him go all at once, I have to ease into it.
When I get overly glum, I think of what he would have told me based on conversations we had over the years on death. I can hear him saying to me, "honey, sh*t happens, don't waste your time grieving for me. It won't do me any good, and you have to spend your energy on taking care of our dog and enjoying what time you have left." He was not the type to want me to become the constantly grieving widow.
My husband was fascinated by the universe, and I like to think that now he knows the secrets of the universe and finally is making it into space. He always said he wanted a new body because he had been in pain for much of his life, and I like to think that he now has a new form.
I also have always found solace in nature. A singing bird makes my day. A horse across the road just gave birth, and her foal is following her around the field. The daffodils are blooming here and their aroma is divine. Today I am headed downtown to walk around the strong and beautiful old trees that are just beginning to turn green.
My husband passed in January. I miss him terribly and am still a little numb. Right now I cannot imagine life without him, so I just go along. I talk to him all of the time and even leave the TV on with shows that he loved because it's noise I'm used to that was always in the background. It helps that I have had a few dreams where he shows up. I cannot just let him go all at once, I have to ease into it.
When I get overly glum, I think of what he would have told me based on conversations we had over the years on death. I can hear him saying to me, "honey, sh*t happens, don't waste your time grieving for me. It won't do me any good, and you have to spend your energy on taking care of our dog and enjoying what time you have left." He was not the type to want me to become the constantly grieving widow.
My husband was fascinated by the universe, and I like to think that now he knows the secrets of the universe and finally is making it into space. He always said he wanted a new body because he had been in pain for much of his life, and I like to think that he now has a new form.
I am so sorry for your loss. I talk to Mike a lot, but mainly I'm just asking him to come get me because I do not like being in a world without him.
I was pretty numb for about 6 months, but it got harder after that when I realized that he wasn't coming back. I hope that you continue to stay positive and focus on the good things.
I am so sorry for your loss. I talk to Mike a lot, but mainly I'm just asking him to come get me because I do not like being in a world without him.
I was pretty numb for about 6 months, but it got harder after that when I realized that he wasn't coming back. I hope that you continue to stay positive and focus on the good things.
Molly, I am sad to read this. It is normal to have ups and downs and I hope that's what this is.
I wonder if you are able to "compartmentalize" your feelings. Sometimes, maybe you could put your sadness and loss in a box to come back to later. And push yourself, while the sadness is in the box, to engage, alone and brave. I truly reckon that would make Mike very happy. And gradually it would likely be easier for you to inhabit these two different places.
May I add - The mindfulness of yoga and/or meditation can sometimes help us control and alter our thought processes. It's not always easy and it's not always perfect, but it can be helpful and the more I work on it, the more helpful it becomes.
Molly, I am sad to read this. It is normal to have ups and downs and I hope that's what this is.
I wonder if you are able to "compartmentalize" your feelings. Sometimes, maybe you could put your sadness and loss in a box to come back to later. And push yourself, while the sadness is in the box, to engage, alone and brave. I truly reckon that would make Mike very happy. And gradually it would likely be easier for you to inhabit these two different places.
May I add - The mindfulness of yoga and/or meditation can sometimes help us control and alter our thought processes. It's not always easy and it's not always perfect, but it can be helpful and the more I work on it, the more helpful it becomes.
Best wishes.
Thank you, Lily. Truly, the only way that I have survived the past 10 months has been by compartmentalizing my feelings. Some days I don't open the box at all. There have even been whole weeks that I didn't open the box. I push myself, I engage, I'm brave. Just getting up each morning takes more courage than I ever thought I had.
I meet friends for lunch or dinner. I go to local events. I volunteer one day a week at a local thrift store that benefits the animal shelter. I take care of the dogs and clean my house and work in the yard. I keep doing everything that I'm "supposed" to do but I'm still alone and lonely even when I'm surrounded by people, and it feels pointless without Mike. Even if I don't open the box of sad feelings, the box is always there, looming in the back of my mind. It requires great strength and effort to keep myself busy enough that I can ignore the box and sometimes I get tired and weak and that stupid box opens itself and ambushes me.
I appreciate the recommendation of yoga/meditation. I have heard others say that it has been very helpful for them.
I understand.
You are doing everything right. Time, hopefully.
Thinking about you.
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