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Almost six years ago, my husband and I lost our 16 year old son in a freak car accident. Just recently, our pastor's wife has asked us to put together and lead a class at church on grief recovery. For me personally and for the sake of the class, I would be interested in hearing from some of you who may have lost children, your experience, your feelings, how it affected your marriage, etc. Any of you who would like to share your thoughts, I would like to hear from you.
I am sorry for your loss. With violence now a days and freak accidents I thank the Lord everyday that my children are alive and well. I cannot even begin to fathom the loss of a child. My prayers go out to you and your family.
My nephew; my brothers son was diagnosed with stomache cancer when he was five. Jacob past away at the age of thirteen. He weighed roughly thirty plus pounds. I think of him constantly he was two months older than my son Alex. He would of graduated this year. Jacob had the inner strength, faith and wisdom that I haven't seen in men three times his age. I believe he was an angel of God. I don't not believe that most people would of survived what he did and his parents, for some reason I believe that the Lord gives inner strength to these special children that are stricken with childhood sickness'. I trust that God had a larger plan for him because he was so special.
My sister has put together a memorial basketball scholarship in his name, and also holds an annual golf tournament in his name with the proceeds going to the scholarship.
As a parent, and knowing parents who have lost a child, I do not know how people bear it. Losing a child must be the worst pain there is.
Please go into the above website (my nephew, Taylor's site), and you can contact my sister. Her site also has a wealth of resources for grieving parents that may be very useful to you.
I'm so sorry, and I am sure you will help many other parents. Good luck.
Wisteria
I know this thread is supposed to be about a personal experience of a parent losing a child....I am thankful we still have all 5 of ours. Losing a child goes against nature and our thoughts and prayers are with you. We are however, afraid for our oldest son who is supposed to be returning to Iraq this fall. His first tour nearly killed us so we are preparing for his coming tour as a Cav. Scout.
Although we have not lost a child, my best friend's family did. We were 17 and 18, she had just gotten accepted into Education at the University and we were out celebrating. We were returning to our vehicles accross the street when two cars side by side were racing down the residential road. All but one of us, my best friend, managed to jump out of the way. Both cars sped off as if nothing happened while my friend lay there with her neck broken in 7 different places. It took only 6-7 minutes for her to die there in the middle of the road.
The next day, one of the drivers turned himself in, but the missing driver, the one who actually hit her was still missing. They eventually caught him though. They were 16, drag racing in a public street, drunk, high and doing nearly 90 miles an hour. The driver who hit her got 1 year probabtion and a 5 year suspension on his license. The other driver got a slap on the wrist.
Every year, to this day, on the anniversary of that night flowers surround the spot where a senseless death once occurred. We cannot control the justice system and their idea of justice, but we can warn others. Two of the girls that were there that night also speak at schools about drag/street racing, drinking & driving and driving under the influence. This has helped everyone involved, both friends and family connected with the 'victim'. We still deal with it on a daily basis, some days better than others, but getting out there and telling the story helps. Warning others and telling them your story helps. Celebrating their life and not their death helps.
I lost my son September 8, 2001. He was 14 and a freshman in high school. He died from Encephalitis caused by a mosquito bite. At the time I had 2 other children, age 5 and 6. I truly could write a book about everything my family went through. One suggestion I would make is reading the book "The Worse Loss". I don't have the author, all my books are packed because we are moving this weekend, but it deals specifically with the loss of a child. I have read the book cover to cover at least 5 times.
My children are now 10 and 12 and I think that as a family we are doing relatively well. We still have our moments. Driving them to school today we heard the Kenny Chesney song "Who you'd be today" on the radio and it brought a tear to all of our eyes. Shortly after my son died, I found out that I was pregnant. I had so many mixed emotions. Today I can say that my year old daughter is truly a blessing. When my son died we were going through the difficult teenage years and shortly before he died we had an argument and I felt that maybe God was punishing me for not being a good parent. When my daughter was born a very good friend of mine told me that she was God's way of reassuring me that I am a good parent.
Losing a child is very difficult on a marriage. I think the best advice we were given was to respect each others grief process. We were at different stages of greif at different times. My husband did go through a very deep depression. He is a firefighter and with my son dieing on September 8 2001 and then 911 happening it was very difficult for him. He finally got counseling and is on medication.
I feel that today our marriage is stronger than ever. So many people spouted off the statistics to me about the divorce rates when losing a child. I always thought, "why would I divorce the one person who really knows how I feel". My husband is the only other person who truly understands the gap in our life and knew my son as well as I did.
I also worked with a grief support group for a while. Feel free to ask me any questions that might help with your work.
God Bless you for your strenght.
My sister has put together a memorial basketball scholarship in his name, and also holds an annual golf tournament in his name with the proceeds going to the scholarship.
As a parent, and knowing parents who have lost a child, I do not know how people bear it. Losing a child must be the worst pain there is.
Please go into the above website (my nephew, Taylor's site), and you can contact my sister. Her site also has a wealth of resources for grieving parents that may be very useful to you.
I'm so sorry, and I am sure you will help many other parents. Good luck.
Wisteria
I looked at the website. It is beautifully done. Loved the song on it. They put quite a bit of time into that obviously. I want to go back and look at it again more thoroughly. My condolences to you and your family on your loss of Taylor.
I know this thread is supposed to be about a personal experience of a parent losing a child....I am thankful we still have all 5 of ours. Losing a child goes against nature and our thoughts and prayers are with you. We are however, afraid for our oldest son who is supposed to be returning to Iraq this fall. His first tour nearly killed us so we are preparing for his coming tour as a Cav. Scout.
Although we have not lost a child, my best friend's family did. We were 17 and 18, she had just gotten accepted into Education at the University and we were out celebrating. We were returning to our vehicles accross the street when two cars side by side were racing down the residential road. All but one of us, my best friend, managed to jump out of the way. Both cars sped off as if nothing happened while my friend lay there with her neck broken in 7 different places. It took only 6-7 minutes for her to die there in the middle of the road.
The next day, one of the drivers turned himself in, but the missing driver, the one who actually hit her was still missing. They eventually caught him though. They were 16, drag racing in a public street, drunk, high and doing nearly 90 miles an hour. The driver who hit her got 1 year probabtion and a 5 year suspension on his license. The other driver got a slap on the wrist.
Every year, to this day, on the anniversary of that night flowers surround the spot where a senseless death once occurred. We cannot control the justice system and their idea of justice, but we can warn others. Two of the girls that were there that night also speak at schools about drag/street racing, drinking & driving and driving under the influence. This has helped everyone involved, both friends and family connected with the 'victim'. We still deal with it on a daily basis, some days better than others, but getting out there and telling the story helps. Warning others and telling them your story helps. Celebrating their life and not their death helps.
Thanks for sharing your story. Must be hard to always have the memory of that. My condolences to you on the loss of your friend. It DOES help to try to bring some good out of the tragedy by helping others which you are obviously doing.
I lost my son September 8, 2001. He was 14 and a freshman in high school. He died from Encephalitis caused by a mosquito bite. At the time I had 2 other children, age 5 and 6. I truly could write a book about everything my family went through. One suggestion I would make is reading the book "The Worse Loss". I don't have the author, all my books are packed because we are moving this weekend, but it deals specifically with the loss of a child. I have read the book cover to cover at least 5 times.
My children are now 10 and 12 and I think that as a family we are doing relatively well. We still have our moments. Driving them to school today we heard the Kenny Chesney song "Who you'd be today" on the radio and it brought a tear to all of our eyes. Shortly after my son died, I found out that I was pregnant. I had so many mixed emotions. Today I can say that my year old daughter is truly a blessing. When my son died we were going through the difficult teenage years and shortly before he died we had an argument and I felt that maybe God was punishing me for not being a good parent. When my daughter was born a very good friend of mine told me that she was God's way of reassuring me that I am a good parent.
Losing a child is very difficult on a marriage. I think the best advice we were given was to respect each others grief process. We were at different stages of greif at different times. My husband did go through a very deep depression. He is a firefighter and with my son dieing on September 8 2001 and then 911 happening it was very difficult for him. He finally got counseling and is on medication.
I feel that today our marriage is stronger than ever. So many people spouted off the statistics to me about the divorce rates when losing a child. I always thought, "why would I divorce the one person who really knows how I feel". My husband is the only other person who truly understands the gap in our life and knew my son as well as I did.
I also worked with a grief support group for a while. Feel free to ask me any questions that might help with your work.
God Bless you for your strenght.
Thanks for sharing your story. I can really relate to a lot of the feelings you've expressed. My deepest condolences on the loss of your son.
I am 41 and just lost my son Shane in January. He was 20 and a college junior. I can't believe that I am without him. We had the perfect family and he was so good. He was my best freind in the world.I know that we are suppose to live for God but I now realize that I was living for him.
He drove into high water early on a Sunday morning. He was dead while I was in church worshipping God,and I knew nothing about it. I got two or three calls form people looking for him but I thought that he was back at school. I started looking for him on the river after one of his freinds called me and told me where they were.It was about midnight and the water was to high for me to see him and it stayed that way for a day and a half.
He was the best thing that ever happened to me. We got along so well,he was a much better person than I ever have been.We hunted together as well as everything else.
I relly don't not even seem to be able to tell from reality andfiction now. I am not sure that we are even real. Is that normal?
I have a beatiful daughter that I very much love and thank God for. Our relationships are different because of the similar interests that me and my son have, I don't want to diminish that relationship in anyway.
Last edited by Jeter33; 05-07-2007 at 04:03 PM..
Reason: Forgot something
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