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You post was very timely for me. Almost spookily so.
My husband died in October many (20+) years ago.
Last night I had the first dream I have had about him in many many years.
My life recently has been....challenging and I too have been dealing with some depression.
I just wanted to let you know that your post gave me some things to think about.
Best wishes.
My prayers are with you. Do you know what I have been wondering? If our loved ones know that we are not doing so well and visit us in our dreams when we need them terribly.
I'm sorry, Pikantari, wish I lived closer to Cackalacki. I'd make you something to eat and coffee or tea and just sit and listen and be there for you.
Aww that is so sweet. It might sound nuts, but I get a lot of support from Cd. There is no one here for me to really talk to, and my family is so far away.
Two states away. I cannot wait til Thanksgiving to see everyone and take our yearly trip down memory lane.
I am actually here in NC and I really have no friends to talk to about it. They are all back a state away and my family is two states away.
My prayers are with you. Do you know what I have been wondering? If our loved ones know that we are not doing so well and visit us in our dreams when we need them terribly.
I think they do. I really do.
The day before our daughters boyfriend died of leukemia she had a real telling dream too. It felt real.
That next day.........she felt his passing.
Strange to say but later.........The radio came on on its own " their song"played.
And......Believe it or not......
The CD's that were all the way in the holder to the front........went up.......and back......( to a backwards resting) all on its own.
Make what we may of it.......but that happened.........and it tells me a lot.
Pinkantari, I tell you I saw these 70 years old women whose children died (30-40-50 years old children) and their reaction was? - "God giveth, God taketh". For the longest time, I could NOT understand this calm reaction... I would think, a death of one's child is THE worst thing that could happen to a person? I would expect them convulsing on the ground under the unbearable pain?
Eventually, very eventually, I slowly understood that these women got to know the wisdom -- of taking what life dealt them with. Of protecting their own self just like protecting their child or a dear friend. Of taking care of themselves first and foremost.
I agree with Morphous and Mathguy, it seems to be taking a very long time for you to overcome your grief... 14 years since your Dad died, 9 years since your Mom died... That is a long time, and just think that we are destined to lose, eventually, other loved ones... Anything could happen. A person needs to start building a bit of a shield for self-preservation.... If you can't overcome "the season of death" on your own, then you need some outside help. (((hugs)))
And grief dear hearts can take forever...........
It is fine to carry grief as long as you wish. But, its good to put it in your pocket....and let the good things in life carry you on.
There will always be grief with lost loved ones. I wouldn't put a timeframe on ending it.
Build on all your strenghs to enjoy all those things around you now that bring happiness your way.
I have grief in my pocket from loosing my first born, many years ago. It will be forever there.
But.........I want to love this life, enjoy all that is given to me......laugh and play. So.......
The placement of my grief is good........
Place your grief in a safe place.........Then love this life and all there is. This World is good and great!
Well here it is again. The Season of Death. I have a different man in my life and am soooo much happier in life in general. I live closer to my family now as well. Last year was the first time that it was all together gone. I think I was in a happiness high. I laugh at that.
My parents have been weighing heavily in my thoughts here recently. I have a lot more time on my hands these days as I am not working. I was in the city were they were buried the first week of last month so I visited their graves and cleaned up their stones a bit and left flowers.
I sent pics to my sister so she would know I had been there and she told me it made her cry. I think there is something about this year that all of us are feeling (us siblings). I am not quite sure what it is though.
I went back over this thread because I was actually going to post one with the same name and something popped up saying there was already a thread with the same name, and it was my own from 3 years ago.
There are some great post from other posters so I thought I would just add to the end. The beginning story is the same other than I have a loving man in my life and I have moved. I may have a bit of a different mindset about death now, as well.
Well here it is again. The Season of Death. I have a different man in my life and am soooo much happier in life in general. I live closer to my family now as well. Last year was the first time that it was all together gone. I think I was in a happiness high. I laugh at that.
My parents have been weighing heavily in my thoughts here recently. I have a lot more time on my hands these days as I am not working. I was in the city were they were buried the first week of last month so I visited their graves and cleaned up their stones a bit and left flowers.
I sent pics to my sister so she would know I had been there and she told me it made her cry. I think there is something about this year that all of us are feeling (us siblings). I am not quite sure what it is though.
I went back over this thread because I was actually going to post one with the same name and something popped up saying there was already a thread with the same name, and it was my own from 3 years ago.
There are some great post from other posters so I thought I would just add to the end. The beginning story is the same other than I have a loving man in my life and I have moved. I may have a bit of a different mindset about death now, as well.
Big hugs to you all.
Your original post made me cry, because I learned that in most families there is one child who becomes "the one" who is chosen to take care of Mom and Dad. I was the youngest of three, the one not married and with no kids or a life, the one who "got stuck with" taking care of them (according to the brother and sister.) We lost Mama in May of 1998 and I lost my Dad in August of 2007. I do not regret one single moment that I spent taking care of them and loving them and just being there whenever they needed absolutely anything. It became my reason for living, and I honestly believed that was my purpose for being on this earth. When my Dad passed in '07, I had not one moment of doubt, or guilt, or anything - my sister had a nervous breakdown. She felt guilty because she did not "have time" when they needed her, and now their time was up. I could not feel any pity for her - she reaped what she sewed. My brother passed in 2004 - so now it is just sis and me, and she is two states away. I met my husband while my father was in the hospital, and we married 9 months after Dad died. I know that he was my reward for doing the right thing for two wonderful people, for almost 15 years. It was finally my turn, I wanted it, I earned it, and I found my hearts desire, finally, at the end of the long road. I missed out on having children and now grandchildren...but I have wonderful memories of a happy childhood, I knew that I was loved, and I live my life with absolutely no regrets. I guess the point is, I know what you mean about seasons of death, and I believe there are seasons of life too....and we are bound to celebrate the good along with the sad. I believe we will be reunited one day - and I can't wait to see them again. I think they would be proud of the woman I grew to be, and I owe it to them. I believe your parents would be happy for you now....with a wonderful man who loves you, and the fact that you remember them, and that love never dies. They would be proud of you, too. Wishing you a happier season this year - for me it changes over time. I feel melancholy, but not the black moods of intense grief that it used to be. Time does heal.....sending you a hug today...(((hugs)))).
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The season of re-birth.....
