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Your original post made me cry, because I learned that in most families there is one child who becomes "the one" who is chosen to take care of Mom and Dad. I was the youngest of three, the one not married and with no kids or a life, the one who "got stuck with" taking care of them (according to the brother and sister.) We lost Mama in May of 1998 and I lost my Dad in August of 2007. I do not regret one single moment that I spent taking care of them and loving them and just being there whenever they needed absolutely anything. It became my reason for living, and I honestly believed that was my purpose for being on this earth. When my Dad passed in '07, I had not one moment of doubt, or guilt, or anything - my sister had a nervous breakdown. She felt guilty because she did not "have time" when they needed her, and now their time was up. I could not feel any pity for her - she reaped what she sewed. My brother passed in 2004 - so now it is just sis and me, and she is two states away. I met my husband while my father was in the hospital, and we married 9 months after Dad died. I know that he was my reward for doing the right thing for two wonderful people, for almost 15 years. It was finally my turn, I wanted it, I earned it, and I found my hearts desire, finally, at the end of the long road. I missed out on having children and now grandchildren...but I have wonderful memories of a happy childhood, I knew that I was loved, and I live my life with absolutely no regrets. I guess the point is, I know what you mean about seasons of death, and I believe there are seasons of life too....and we are bound to celebrate the good along with the sad. I believe we will be reunited one day - and I can't wait to see them again. I think they would be proud of the woman I grew to be, and I owe it to them. I believe your parents would be happy for you now....with a wonderful man who loves you, and the fact that you remember them, and that love never dies. They would be proud of you, too. Wishing you a happier season this year - for me it changes over time. I feel melancholy, but not the black moods of intense grief that it used to be. Time does heal.....sending you a hug today...(((hugs)))).
Thanks CFoulke! Sending them back your way as well! Time does heal. Somehow, some days are better than others.... Of course there is always Kitty Katty to make me smile!
Well here is is again. Someone gave me a rep on the first post. I had forgotten about this thread.
A couple of years ago I reposted in here and things were better for me. They are even more-so no.
I was right in my assumption of how my life is at the time was going to be how the season of death will turn out.
For many years I was depressed and in an awful marriage, and then in a bad relationship. All of those years were when the season of death brought me down to such a hard place to be in.
Some suggested I may have Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I knew I didn't. I knew it was the season and all of my loss. My current state in life and how better it could have been had I not lost my parents at such a young age.
Starting three years ago my life turned around for the better and just keeps going up from where it was. Back in 2011 I began a wonderful relationship, but not before realizing I had to love myself first.
I saw a therapist and told her I was not willing to spend the rest of my life going through this season, and I haven't.
It is not to say I do not think of my parents, but I am thinking more of all of the good memories as opposed to their illnesses and death.
Their memories stay alive in my life and each season since then has been better than the last. I had to be happy in my own life in order to overcome the season of death.
I am a firm believer these days that how you are in life greatly effects everything. I think of my parents a lot. My dad would have had his 93rd birthday a week ago, and I celebrated him.
Your post came up and I can really relate to what you went through...
In 1993 right before Thanksgiving my dad was diagnosed with cancer from working in the HVAC field all of his life...It was the first Thanksgiving we ever went out to eat...
Dad came home for Christmas then back to the hospital the 26th of Dec.....We surprised him on New Years Eve by coming into the Critical Care unit to visit.....He came home again about 2 weeks later...
He died Feb 26th at home after everyone had gone to bed for the night.
Mom moved in with us since she couldn't keep up with the big house...
Right before Thanksgiving in 2003 My husband announced he was running off with his secretary at work
I got divorced in Jan 2004
This past year after my mom had lived with us for 20 years, my mom suddenly seemed confused as we made Christmas cookies....Less than a month later she was in hospice care for an inoperable brain cancer that took her life on March 21st 2014 with my brother and I at her side holding her hands....
I am remarried and these are the first holidays without a parent.....I don't have children so after she passed my husband and I decided it was best to retire and move away ....
We moved 800 miles away from where we lived and I was happier than I remember being in a long time...
Then Thanksgiving came.....
All of our neighbors had family to cook for and kids to visit and I realized how much I felt like an orphan. We both have brothers that we only saw about once a year at Christmas...
I don't think I am having as hard a time as the OP but I seem to be spending a lot of time reliving good and bad times that I experienced with my parents over my lifetime. I think the holidays do that to you... There is a bit of a dark cloud over the holidays now....My husband and I need to find our own traditions but I haven't yet figured out what they are...
We'll get through this but I hate being sad in our beautiful new house...Dad loved Christmas so our house looks like something out of Norman Rockwell and my husband says when he walks the dog at night we have more lights up than any of our neighbors....
I can relate to her story and just wanted her and everyone else going through this that you are not alone...
Mom has been gone 22 years, Dad 10 and next month will be 3 years since my husband passed. I was an only child. I have no intentions of marrying again but I am at peace with that. I don't celebrate any holidays anymore and I am at peace with that also. I just am at peace with life again I suppose. There comes a time when a person needs to let go of all the sadness and pain. It will come if you let it.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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Like Tami, I was an only child, too. I lost my parents in 1989 just a few months apart. At the time, we had just adopted our youngest who is now 25. I'm lucky in that he lives here in town, but I have three other kids and grandkids that I rarely see as they're spread out all over the country. I've had to reinvent holidays from what they were, and I'm at peace with that. Just as my life changed when my husband died five years ago, so have my holiday traditions. I never know what's going to happen on the holidays from year to year, so I've learned to just roll with the punches, even if it means eating a Hungary Man turkey dinner by myself on Thanksgiving...
Today would have been my Mom's birthday. She died in 1993...I'm an only child too. (Like Tami and Marcy.).. Sometimes, I miss my husband and sons and my parents and other family members "like crazy." And, I acknowledge my feelings. Holidays can be sad without my loved ones.. But, I try not to make things worse by "picking" my "scabs.".. I have a sore right now that is trying to heal. It keeps itching. And, I have to remind myself to just leave it alone so I won't keep tearing the scab off...I feel the same way about my grief. I don't want to walk around in misery forever and ever with open wounds that never have a chance to heal.
Today would have been my Mom's birthday. She died in 1993...I'm an only child too. (Like Tami and Marcy.).. Sometimes, I miss my husband and sons and my parents and other family members "like crazy." And, I acknowledge my feelings. Holidays can be sad without my loved ones.. But, I try not to make things worse by "picking" my "scabs.".. I have a sore right now that is trying to heal. It keeps itching. And, I have to remind myself to just leave it alone so I won't keep tearing the scab off...I feel the same way about my grief. I don't want to walk around in misery forever and ever with open wounds that never have a chance to heal.
But it doesn't go away. I've only lost friends since my parents and husband died. I am no one's child and I am no one's wife. To hell with being a good neighbor and volunteering. No one knows me now.
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