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Wife doesn't have to stay home. A lot of women now doesn't want to stay home. Why can't a woman have her career? Once the kids are older, they don't need as much attention.
I own two homes no mortgage, one rented out and cash stream from rental covers cost of both homes so I have no housing costs. I own two cars outright.
But I have to save for retirement for two folks. So I put 5k a month away for retirement. I also put aside 1k a month in the college fund. I also have kids braces, medical bills, activities, vacations, family parties etc to throw.
Both my friends who work on LI and took easy jobs there were consequences. Both their wives have to work cause their husband does not make enough. And one couple only had one kid and the other couple only had two kids mainly due to cost of childcare since both work and lack of a stay at home Mom and salary. Both wifes told me they would of had a another kid if they could stay home and the husband made more. So the husband to save himself a commute and have some free time basically murdered his unborn child. Pretty big sacrifice.
That is the most ridiculous post I have ever read. The husband did not murder his unborn child! No child was even conceived, so there was nobody to murder!
Another poster said that people who commute on the LIRR die younger than people who do not. Would you say that if a wife pressures her husband to take a job in the city, that she murdered him, since he would likely die younger?
In any case, why even bother having children if the husband is literally never going to see that child, and if the wife is functioning as a de facto single mother since the father works in the city?
If a couple doesn't have as much money as they expected, it is up to the couple, not you, to decide how to handle it. Ideally both spouses would agree ahead of time. They can have fewer kids than planned, one or both spouses can commute to the city even though they didn't want to, the wife can try to find a job even if she wanted to be a stay at home mother, they can move to a smaller house, they can move to a less expensive school district, they can relocate to an area with lower cost of living even though it puts them away from the rest of their family. But that is up to the individual couple to decide, and not for you to decide for them!
I think one of the problems with this board is that people are seeking advice that is too personal, to be honest.
That is the most ridiculous post I have ever read. The husband did not murder his unborn child! No child was even conceived, so there was nobody to murder!
Another poster said that people who commute on the LIRR die younger than people who do not. Would you say that if a wife pressures her husband to take a job in the city, that she murdered him, since he would likely die younger?
In any case, why even bother having children if the husband is literally never going to see that child, and if the wife is functioning as a de facto single mother since the father works in the city?
If a couple doesn't have as much money as they expected, it is up to the couple, not you, to decide how to handle it. Ideally both spouses would agree ahead of time. They can have fewer kids than planned, one or both spouses can commute to the city even though they didn't want to, the wife can try to find a job even if she wanted to be a stay at home mother, they can move to a smaller house, they can move to a less expensive school district, they can relocate to an area with lower cost of living even though it puts them away from the rest of their family. But that is up to the individual couple to decide, and not for you to decide for them!
I think one of the problems with this board is that people are seeking advice that is too personal, to be honest.
I see SandyJet hasn't come back to this thread. I guess he realizes how ridiculous his post was.
30 years ago I graduated with a BS in Biology with the intention to go to graduate school and save the world through health research. Before taking the leap I wanted to test the waters by working in a lab for awhile, and got a job as a lab technician. I'm glad I gave it a trial first because I realized after a little over a year of it that I did NOT want to live the life of an academic, always scrounging for new grant money to pay my salary.
I switched careers to use my second major, comp sci. The experience I gained in the lab was helpful - I demonstrated planning skills, good work ethic, and various other soft skills. I was going in as an entry level person but had a couple of years of successful work experience under my belt. That has led to a career that I enjoy, but I had to pay my dues at the beginning.
To the original poster, quit limiting your search to a geographical area unless you absolutely must stay on Long Island for important personal reasons. Now's the time to explore the world, or at least some other part of the country. If you are going to work in an entry level position with entry level pay, better to do it in a college town in a less expensive part of the country where the money goes A LOT further. Many public universities allow you to attend school at a cut rate, so you can get a job as a lab tech and take classes in the career you want to switch to. Start looking in the South or Midwest. You might have a bit of a search because lots of grads just flooded the market, but in January, when grant money kicks in, there are usually jobs, so you need to have your resume there in December.
Aimless35 is right. Get out there, OP. Hate to use a cliche, but the world is your oyster!
There is a big land out there that isn't Long Island and isn't as cost prohibitive. I had to move back to Long Island for personal reasons, but if I didn't, I would still be out there exploring.
A husband promised to support his wife and family financially when they got married.
If a Mother wants to work and has a great career she enjoys that is great. However, she should not be forced to work by a lazy husband simply because he is not man enough to support his family.
I would say 90% of moms in my town work crap jobs to cover the bills. They dont enjoy them.
And yes in my town and in my family and folks I work with it is very obvious the women who work full time jobs are only having 1-2 kids and the stay at home moms are having 2-4 kids.
My wife gets to see all my kids events, my retired Mother in law who no longer can drive at night my wife can visit in day and she can see kids events. My kids are straight A students who can go to extra help any time they want, join teams, go to religion after school as they have someone there.
Some of my neighbors kids dropped out of religion as parents could not drive them there, miss extra help, joining clubs, doing teams as no bus service and no parent to drive them. They also have little help with homework. Run out of supplies no one to take them to staples. They also eat crap for lunch every day and have crap for breakfast as no one to cook a healthy meal at breakfast and no one with time to make lunch.
The interesting part is I never asked my wife to stay home. She went back to work for a few weeks in Manhattan to her Wall Street job after giving birth and it was too much. She left house at 6:30am and go home 7:30 pm child care was expensive. Any job on LI paid peanuts she quit work for good January 2001. Funny part in January 2001 a lot of her cousins, ex-coworkers neighbors who made about the same income we did as a dual income couple was amazed we did it and on my 61K a year salary. It was extemely tight for a few years.
But funny part my bosses, my clients I dealt with, my co-workers had a whole new respect for me. I also felt extremely extremely motivated to work and get promotions and raises as the whole huge rock was on my back and my back alone. And my wife got pregant again 13 months later. Flash forward to 2008 and I was making five times my 2001 salary. Come 2009 the dual income couples slugging along in the cubes everyone of them one by one got at least one spouse laid off.
They were all 45 overleveraged, dead end career, had empty bedrooms where kids they never had would have been living in so the wife could be a "working" women and husband could get home a 5pm to play exbox and their latch key kids resented them and the father in law disliked the deadbeat husbands.
I also noticed these lazy dads very few had graduate degrees, certifications, sat on boards, did presentations at seminars, etc.Just sat at their little cubes doing their little 9-5 LI jobs in their little leased cars drinking their starbucks while their skills erroded. So sad.
That one kid they managed to squeeze out will surely pick them the crappiest nursing home they can find to make up for the decade of nasty day care they were shoved in.
And you know what it aint about you. Women want to work jobs usually to get out of real work. Sitting in a cube in a BS little office sipping starbucks is a lot easier than actually being home doing real work. And for the husband, sleeping in late, getting home early in your BS little job up the block is easy. Just skip paying off the mortgage, saving for retirement, paying for daughter wedding etc and let your kid pick up the pieces on their own later.
I do have the right to decide what others should do if it impacts me.
My wife always have "working" Moms looking for free rides for kids. Hey can you drive my kid to the Regents exam I have to work, can you be the girl scout leader, can you run bake sale, hey my kid is sick can you pick her up.
I also have to deal with second cousins and relatives who stiff you at parties gift wise, dont throw parties for their own kids.
My wife deals having to tell kids no they cant have a play date as they working Mom is looking to have the play date at your house all the time so she gets free baby sitting and does not reciprocate.
I have to deal with on my day off lazy man boys in neighborhood working from home lurking around all the time and I want to scream go get a real job.
Then when my kids get married and I want to spend time with my kids I cant imagine a son in law saying I know your daughter wants 3 kids and you want 3 grandkids and I am sure you want to see your grandkids. But guess what I like to sleep late and play video games and get a BS job, I just will force you daughter to have only one kid, shove that kid in day care and oh yea can you pay for that one kids college as I am an leasing a lexus.
It does impact other people. I am totally happy for instance I have a neighbor they both work full time and shove the kid in day care, great neighbors I never see them. But the ones where they always come with their hand out looking for favor playing the oh I am so poor my wife has to work can you do this or that. Screw them.
I do have the right to decide what others should do if it impacts me.
My wife always have "working" Moms looking for free rides for kids. Hey can you drive my kid to the Regents exam I have to work, can you be the girl scout leader, can you run bake sale, hey my kid is sick can you pick her up.
I also have to deal with second cousins and relatives who stiff you at parties gift wise, dont throw parties for their own kids.
My wife deals having to tell kids no they cant have a play date as they working Mom is looking to have the play date at your house all the time so she gets free baby sitting and does not reciprocate.
I have to deal with on my day off lazy man boys in neighborhood working from home lurking around all the time and I want to scream go get a real job.
Then when my kids get married and I want to spend time with my kids I cant imagine a son in law saying I know your daughter wants 3 kids and you want 3 grandkids and I am sure you want to see your grandkids. But guess what I like to sleep late and play video games and get a BS job, I just will force you daughter to have only one kid, shove that kid in day care and oh yea can you pay for that one kids college as I am an leasing a lexus.
It does impact other people. I am totally happy for instance I have a neighbor they both work full time and shove the kid in day care, great neighbors I never see them. But the ones where they always come with their hand out looking for favor playing the oh I am so poor my wife has to work can you do this or that. Screw them.
Good that it works out for you that way. I am a working mom and I never want to sit home and just meet with other moms talking about kids kids and kids. I want to be at work and talk to "adult", have topics like what happening in the world. At the same time, me and my husband split duties and raise our kids together. Yes, maybe once in a while I would think it's nice to be stay home mom but too bad, I probably would kill myself if I have done that. Every family got their way to make ends meet. I am just happy that I got to go to work, stay in touch with society and when I talk to my husband, kids is not the only topics.
A husband promised to support his wife and family financially when they got married.
(and everything else)...
I think you need to come back down here with the rest of us if you're going to address us. You are no longer keepin' it real.
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