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I came to realize (probably earlier than I...assimilated...now I can't say that without feeling like a girl borg, LOL) that I didn't initially dislike L.A. because there were things wrong with it.
In other words, I thought in the beginning, "This is wrong, that's wrong, and that's why I don't like the place," but that was never actually the reason.
I figured it out the time I went back to New Jersey and somebody made me cry not one hour inside the state, LOL. I'll make this as brief as I can but it's sort of funny...
I flew back to NJ for the second time; the first time had been for my BIL's funeral so I wasn't thinking of myself really. But the second time had an impact on how I actually felt being there. I picked up my car at the rental and started driving north on the Garden State Parkway. It's a toll road. It was 1:00AM so most of the booths weren't manned.
When a booth isn't manned, it either has a red light meaning you can't go through it, or it's "exact change only" and they mean that. So heaven help you if you don't have exactly $.35. (It may be more than that now, actually. This was in 2007, for reference.)
So my very FIRST toll booth it's two red, one exact change, and one big, scary dude. I drive up, 1:00 in the morning, fresh off a changeover plane following 8 hours of travel and I smile. "Hi! Can I buy tokens? I only have this $.35 for you and I won't have change for the next place. And it's late at night so none of the booths may be manned."
The dude gave me...a look. A "WTF?" look. An "Is she crazy?" look. A standard-issue northeastern "Why are you wasting my time when I could be, well, continuing to just stand here?" look.
And he answers me with:
"No."
Just no. Nothing else.
I sat there for a second. Why couldn't I buy tokens? I hadn't been on the GSP in some time (even back in NJ I'd avoid it 99% of the time and I surely never went on it often enough to need to buy tokens, like people did in the old days) so...what was I doing wrong?
After a pause of silence while the toll booth man stared at me, I said, "Oh. Okay. Will I be able to buy them at the next booth then?"
"Lady, I SAID NO."
Okay. Um...I said half-heartedly, in a reeeeeeeeeeally meek voice because I really needed to get this issue resolved somehow and I didn't want to get a ticket for going through a booth and not paying, "Can you...can you tell me if there's a person at the next booth then who can give me change for a dollar?"
And he SCREAMED, I am talking screamed, "NO, lady! What the f*ck is wrong with you? I TOLD YOU NO! Are you f*cking deaf?"
I drove off quietly. And cried all the way up the Parkway. Yes, cried. LOL. (For the record, there was in fact a person at the next toll booth up. I didn't say a word. I shoved my dollar at him and he threw change back at me. Just like old times. I later found out that they no longer sell tokens at booths. But the guy couldn't just say that. "Lady, the Parkway doesn't sell tokens any more.")
It wasn't my only such experience during that particular trip, though it was the only one where a big frightening man told a woman to go f*ck herself, basically. I bought coffee at the airport on my way off...the woman glared at me, refused to speak to me, THEN when I gave her a tip she smiled...and I remembered...Oh yeah, out here, you tip them because you want them to smile, they make you tip them that way. And all of a sudden that seemed so bizarre whereas when I lived there it didn't. And other similar things...
I had NEVER realized until that very moment that there was a lot wrong with NJ. Or, well, yes I had, but I'd always tempered everything with "...but the houses are so pretty and colonial and the seasons are so pretty."
All of a sudden I remembered all the things I *hadn't* liked about northern NJ. And one was that people were mean. They just were. I hate to say that. It's so true. Big frightening men did scream at small women from toll booths. They did swear at them. I used to think it was just par for the course. Now that I'd been away from it, I realized: no. It wasn't. Not everywhere.
I remembered other things, too, that I hadn't liked at all. But I've already made this way too long. The upshot is: you can love being in a place even if there are "things wrong with" it. I did. (I still have an enormous affection for NJ! Especially the autumn.) I believe when transplants, like me, say "I don't like L.A. because of the traffic, the smog, the prices of homes," blah blah, we're really just trying to justify that it's not the northeast.
It took me a lot of years after that experience to really like being here. For it to feel like home. Now I can joke about what's wrong with it in sort of the same loving way we joke about relatives and the like. It doesn't mean I don't want to be here and it's no longer an excuse.
Awww, I feel so bad the way that nasty toll booth clerk treated you (and they are all like that, I have rarely come across a friendly one)! See, that's why I don't feel like I'm cut out to live here in the Northeast (I am in NYC, currently). That kind of behavior is uncalled for and just cruel. I am born and raised in NYC, and I still can fathom these people that walk around with these enormous attitudes and chips on their shoulder. It makes me feel like a meaner person sometimes too, because my attitude changes just having to deal with them, and that is not my nature at all. There is no reason why nice people should have to put up with that kind of attitude on a regular basis.
I had a situation happen to me a few weeks ago by my job in Manhattan. I was leaving work and carrying a few envelopes in my hand to mail on the way to the bus stop. Some JERK walks by me and knocks into my hand, HARD, and practically knocks the mail out of my hand. Then, he proceeds to turn around and give me a dirty look!! I was so furious that I called him an a**hole TWICE and he didn't even turn around. I guess he was used to people screaming obscenities at him, but I was kind of shocked at myself, like I said, it is really not in my nature to behave that way.
I know there are rude people everywhere, but I honestly feel the majority of them are crammed into this hellhole known as the "Northeast".
I know there are rude people everywhere, but I honestly feel the majority of them are crammed into this hellhole known as the "Northeast".
Well, you're also in the most crowded city in the nation (I believe...pop. v. geography), so that may be the seriously condensed effect you're feeling. All those attitudes, which are bad enough on their own, will be felt times ten and right in your face in NYC!
I'm so sorry about that idiot knocking into you. As you said, it's the insult added to the injury that's so infuriating...the person acts like it's YOUR fault. And then you start getting nasty too because you've been the recipient of it...and round and round it goes; possibly, that guy started off a nice guy but has been kicked around enough that now *he's* the *ssh*le.
I did love the northeast despite all the issues...so that's what I meant by loving L.A. too despite issues...it's no Utopia here (and remember I'm in the protected, cushy little suburbs!), but if you just love a place generally, then you're going to put up with (to a point) the negatives.
Well, you're also in the most crowded city in the nation (I believe...pop. v. geography), so that may be the seriously condensed effect you're feeling. All those attitudes, which are bad enough on their own, will be felt times ten and right in your face in NYC!
I'm so sorry about that idiot knocking into you. As you said, it's the insult added to the injury that's so infuriating...the person acts like it's YOUR fault. And then you start getting nasty too because you've been the recipient of it...and round and round it goes; possibly, that guy started off a nice guy but has been kicked around enough that now *he's* the *ssh*le.
I did love the northeast despite all the issues...so that's what I meant by loving L.A. too despite issues...it's no Utopia here (and remember I'm in the protected, cushy little suburbs!), but if you just love a place generally, then you're going to put up with (to a point) the negatives.
Are you considering relocating?
OH yes, I plan on moving to either LA or San Diego in the next year or two. I have been searching for jobs out there, and hopefully something will work out. I just love California, and hope to be a resident soon.
I know what you mean about putting up with certain things if you love a place. I just feel I am over NYC and all that goes with it, and ready for a change. Aside from the rude people, the weather here really bums me out, cold and frigid or humid and disgusting, or constant rain, for most of the year. Very rarely do we get pleasant, enjoyable weather. I remember when I was younger actually having seasons. It isn't really like that anymore.
Isn't it weird? The difference in attitude in the east coast vs. west coast?
When I moved back to Boston for a year I was shocked, absolutely SHOCKED by how rude people there were. I got screamed at several times. I saw a bunch of screaming fights between people. Within a week of living there, I was standing in line at a Dunkin' Donuts and the woman in front of me suddenly started screaming at the top of her lungs "SLOW SLOW SLOW!" I knew then that I had made a mistake by moving back.
A couple of weeks later, I was at a CVS and this old lady started screaming at a clerk because he couldn't help her. SCREAMING! People there think it's perfectly normal to answer the phone "WHAT?" or "Yeah?"
I've never seen so many miserable angry people in my life. I didn't want to raise my daughter surrounded by that much negativity.
Thing about LA, as we all know, even if people have bad intentions, they are usually always polite
Seems the difference is: In the northeast, they reflexively yell at each other. In L.A., people either ignore it or kick some ass.
The oft-stated claim that people on the west coast are generally more passive-aggressive compared to the more overtly obnoxious demeanor of those out east may have some merit, but highlights the reality that people out here want to live happy, easygoing lives. So when some a-hole decides to talk smack for no good reason, such a-hole is not given the victory of succesfully provoking a stupid, pointless screaming match with a random stranger. They are ignored or smacked. And after enough such reactions, the offender just may learn his/her lesson. Or move back out to Joi-Z.
Why is the northeast so rude? Maybe the weather is part of it. I'd be miserable and angry too living in those extremes.
That may be part of it. You're always running to escape the cold or escape the rain or escape the ice or escape the heat and everyone seems to be getting in your way.
Which is, I think, the second thing: the proximity. This particular area (NY/northern NJ) is just swamped with people. It is very, very densely populated. So somebody always IS in your way. Or that's how you start to see it.
It's a serious pity because it truly is beautiful in various parts there. I mean tear-bringing beautiful. Trees, rolling hills...the colors of the seasons...It is a true pity. I really do think it's the proximity that makes people feel hostile. Everyone feels like other people are in his or her "space" all the time...because everyone actually is in his or her space all the time.
OMG, the subway booths in NYC! Generally I don't have a problem, but when a problem happens it points up so many issues about urban life that are so unnecessarily abradant that it makes the people who preen about it sound like fools.
I don't even remember what the issue was but some lady in a Greenwich Village "information booth" completely set me off with that "why are you wasting my time" attitude. She wasn't busy. She was sitting there in an information booth and couldn't be bothered to answer a question. I finally got my answer in some sarcastic remark, but I ended up screaming, "Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place!!!"
Screaming is not me and I hate descending to it. I don't need it. There may be personality types who do, to feel in control. But I know I'm already in control of my life. Certain environments foster certain behaviors to the extent that the whole environment develops a personality, and maybe that's why I'm comfortable now tucked away in the 'burbs. I like city life but that crap just does not fly with me--and here I am sounding confrontational just thinking about it.
People from the NE refer to that behavior as "being real". They have a point, except they didn't add the word "a'holes".
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See, that's why I don't feel like I'm cut out to live here in the Northeast (I am in NYC, currently). That kind of behavior is uncalled for and just cruel. I am born and raised in NYC, and I still can fathom these people that walk around with these enormous attitudes and chips on their shoulder. It makes me feel like a meaner person sometimes too, because my attitude changes just having to deal with them, and that is not my nature at all. There is no reason why nice people should have to put up with that kind of attitude on a regular basis.
