Maine vs. Florida (Old Town, Lubec: house, to buy, YMCA) - (ME) - City-Data Forum

txmom · 06-11-2008, 06:20 AM

Well, we leave for Pensacola tomorrow to look around and decide if that is where we want to buy a house. I was so excited about Pensacola, but have heard a lot of mixed reviews about the place - visiting for a vacation vs. actually living there are two completely different things.

Since moving to Maine last July, I have felt very displaced here. I seriously don't know why I feel this way, as it is an absolutely beautiful state. I feel "unanchored" and very restless. I have no idea what is causing these feelings. Deep in my family tree I have family from Maine that were here for generations. My great-great-great grandfather left Maine and took his family to Minnesota in 1856. Recently, though, I have been seriously drawn to staying in Maine to raise our kids. My husband was born here in Old Town, but left at a very young age because of his father's military career. My father-in-law was in the Navy - submariner - I wish he was still alive so we could meet Forest at the VFW for some very interesting conversation. His family has deep roots in this area.

My mother-in-law also has very deep roots here. When we moved here from Texas last July, we brought her with us. It is very interesting to hear the memories that this move has stirred up within her, as she grew up in Old Town (and then left in her early 20's due to my father-in-law's military career). I have seen the house on Oak street where my husband was born.

Well, I'll hang around this board and update you on our decision. I have grown very attached to people on this board. Sociologists need to do a study about online communities, and how they are changing the way we connect. It really astonishes me how close I feel to all of the regular posters

.

mollysmiles · 06-11-2008, 06:37 AM

txmom, this may sound very freaky and strange, but when I read your post the first thing I wondered is if you feel "at home" in your house. You know how you can walk into a house and you just don't feel like it's home to you, like you're unsettled? I may be waaaaay off here, and it may sound really strange, but certain places have always had me feeling certain ways. I wonder if you're feeling unsettled in your house and that makes you feel unsettled everywhere?

txmom · 06-11-2008, 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mollysmiles

txmom, this may sound very freaky and strange, but when I read your post the first thing I wondered is if you feel "at home" in your house. You know how you can walk into a house and you just don't feel like it's home to you, like you're unsettled? I may be waaaaay off here, and it may sound really strange, but certain places have always had me feeling certain ways. I wonder if you're feeling unsettled in your house and that makes you feel unsettled everywhere?

Yes, that thought has crossed my mind. My husband's grandfather and grandmother bought this trailer in 1968, after they handed over operation of the fuel company to one of their sons. They had a lot of money, but liked to live frugally. They lived in Maine in the summer, then went to their trailer in St. Petersburg for the winter. My husband's cousin says she can still feel the presence of her grandmother in the trailer, and it disturbs her greatly to come inside

My husband thinks she has moved on, though. He doesn't feel her presence at all. He says that his cousin was very close to their grandmother, and it is probably the memories that overwhelm her when she comes inside.

maine4.us · 06-11-2008, 09:09 AM

Stop, whoa, listen to what people are telling you! We instantly fell in love with the spirit of our house in Maine. It was restored with love. I know I am getting off on a tangent here, but listen to the cousin. I don't know what the circumstances of the grandmothers life were, but, I believe that your cousin may be more sensitive to your grandmothers essence. Have you had the house blessed since you moved in? I don't know your religious preference, but we plan to bless our home with holy water and ask all the spirits who have lived in this house to depart. I went into a house in Lubec when we were house hunting that gave me the willies. My wife and I both sensed the presence of a little girl sitting in a small room looking out a window at Campobello Island. The house was very nice, and the price, while out of our budget, was reasonable. We couldn't wait to get out of the house. I almost passed out from holding my breath while in the house. The house had a sense of sadness and forboding. We later found out the lady who had lived in the house for decades had just passed away. Her children were wanting to sell the house and get the cash for it. They had not removed any of their mothers things, which I found unusual. Children usually want to take certain things that were their parents, but they took nothing. There is no way I could have spend the night in that house!

Maineah · 06-11-2008, 09:32 AM

txmom you said you felt your childern were being picked on somewhat . Is that still the case? Do you perhaps on a subconscious level think they would be more at ease with other kids they could identify with more readily? It must be kind of hard to be African American in Maine.

msina · 06-11-2008, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maineah

txmom you said you felt your childern were being picked on somewhat . Is that still the case? Do you perhaps on a subconscious level think they would be more at ease with other kids they could identify with more readily? It must be kind of hard to be African American in Maine.

It doesn't matter if you live in the most diverse place in the world. People are people and there will always be cruel comments made at others expense. If it's not color it's weight, sex, religion, freckles, whatever. I have heard more racial epitaphs in diverse areas, where it's accepted as part of everyday language, than I have ever heard in Maine. Try any city with a black (Afro-American), Asian or hispanic population. The "N-Word" as it's now refered to, seems to most times come from someone within the group itself.
That doesn't mean I don't understand the hurt felt, particularly by a Mom. I DO understand how it feels. Don't make a big deal of it to the child. Let them know it's okay to tell the speaker that it's unacceptable and that you won't tolerate it but in the grand scheme of things,.. it's not important. (One of the better comebacks btw is "Oh, you're jealous cause I'm so good looking you poor thing"

) The world is becoming more "mixed" and many of us don't even know our full ancestry.
My DH was born in the late '30's. His mother was caucasian, his father was dark skinned. His birth certificate says "colored" though he (my DH) appears olive complexion. That was a rough time to be "bi-racial". In comparison, these days it's not only accepted but celebrated.
I wish you every happiness. When we were "away down in Massachusetts". I was miserable. Though I had my kids and Grands, I felt closed in, as though I were suffocating. The people were rude and mean (imho), and I heard the "N-Word" on the street constantly. Wherever you find a place you feel comfortable in, that's Home. I sincerely hope you find a lovely place that fits you, though it would be a loss to Maine if you left.

flycessna · 06-11-2008, 10:42 AM

Hello Txmom, I know the confusion you have, I have felt displaced here in Maine since I moved.

I have also grown extremely fond of this little online community. I must say at least in the other states forums I have posted in it does not seem to have this connection.

I have attributed it to maybe its because Maine is so spread out that Mainers are better adapted to loose knit relationships like this forum, and more uncomfortable in close quaters like you might find in more populated states.

I know I have a difficult time with the winters....every spring summer I feel better about where I live and can see the positives of raising children here. But unfortunately every Winter I go back to wanting to relocate. Someday I will spend summers in Maine and winters elswhere

dmyankee · 06-11-2008, 10:51 AM

Fly is right on the money. Mainers, not unlike most New Englanders, have no problem forming casual or even dependent relationships. Cozy or intimate relationships are not the norm.

Maineah · 06-11-2008, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by msina

It doesn't matter if you live in the most diverse place in the world. People are people and there will always be cruel comments made at others expense. If it's not color it's weight, sex, religion, freckles, whatever. I have heard more racial epitaphs in diverse areas, where it's accepted as part of everyday language, than I have ever heard in Maine. Try any city with a black (Afro-American), Asian or hispanic population. The "N-Word" as it's now refered to, seems to most times come from someone within the group itself.
That doesn't mean I don't understand the hurt felt, particularly by a Mom. I DO understand how it feels. Don't make a big deal of it to the child. Let them know it's okay to tell the speaker that it's unacceptable and that you won't tolerate it but in the grand scheme of things,.. it's not important. (One of the better comebacks btw is "Oh, you're jealous cause I'm so good looking you poor thing"

) The world is becoming more "mixed" and many of us don't even know our full ancestry.
My DH was born in the late '30's. His mother was caucasian, his father was dark skinned. His birth certificate says "colored" though he (my DH) appears olive complexion. That was a rough time to be "bi-racial". In comparison, these days it's not only accepted but celebrated.
I wish you every happiness. When we were "away down in Massachusetts". I was miserable. Though I had my kids and Grands, I felt closed in, as though I were suffocating. The people were rude and mean (imho), and I heard the "N-Word" on the street constantly. Wherever you find a place you feel comfortable in, that's Home. I sincerely hope you find a lovely place that fits you, though it would be a loss to Maine if you left.

Great post msina. I would hate to think Mainers would make anyone feel uncomfortable because of their ethnicity or skin color. We're as white as you can be around here and pretty ignorant of others plights I'm afraid. I hope txmom isn't thinking of leaving Maine because kids continue to treat her kids cruelly . Kids (and adults) can be nasty and down right hurtful. In this day and age we should be past all of that racial stuff.

txmom · 06-11-2008, 11:40 AM

Thanks to everyone for replying. It is so breathtakingly beautiful and green here this time of year, it's hard to leave

. There are some lilies blooming out back, and it's reminding my husband of his father (who lived here for a number of years after he retired from the military). The purple lilacs are also blooming - I absolutely adore lilacs. When we first moved to Texas I missed lilacs a lot.

Our kids have been well-accepted at the school and in the community - there have been a few rude comments from kids who really don't know any better. I know I shouldn't let it bother me so much, but I feel like my little guys are so vulnerable out there. However, they love their school and the YMCA, and have made a lot of friends. My youngest recently had a pool party for his sixth birthday at the YMCA and he had a great time. On Monday he went on a kindergarten trip to Moose Point State Park and saw crabs and sea stars. He was so excited about everything! To live around such natural beauty is very special - I do not take this for granted at all.

As far as me being unsettled, I'll have to sort that out soon. My kids need to have roots as they grow up. I feel extremely fortunate to have the choice and the opportunity to explore a little. Thanks again to all on this forum for the help and encouragement!