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Maybe some of you all know the great singer/songwriter, Todd Rundgren. In any case I will quote one part of his song "Compassion". As I think its fitting we all need to feel compassion for one another on this board.
"Dying on your bed of pain
What will you have now"
"You'll get no judgment from me
I can only feel compassion
And if that's what you need
I will give you my compassion
Just don't forget about me
'Cause we all need some compassion
Open up your heart
So you can start to feel compassion
Get down on your knees
Pray to heaven for compassion
Yeah, yeah everybody needs compassion
If you want to be healed
Then you know you got to feel compassion
(Compassion, compassion)"
Thank you. It's hard not to blame myself, because I feel like I could have done so much better by him. He did go to see a therapist a few years ago, not because he was depressed (so he said) but because he has issues dealing with conflict and social anxiety as well.
We've been able to see him during visiting hours and talk to him on the phone. He seems to be doing a little bit better today. His sister lives with us and they are pretty close; he also remains good friends with his ex-wife and she was able to visit him today and lend her support. I haven't told him yet but he also has a lot of support from my immediate family (I didn't tell him this because I didn't want him to think I was broadcasting his issues all over the place). They all think he is a great guy and are pulling for him.
I think what makes me most nervous is that the unit he currently is in is at the local hospital, which isn't exactly great. However, he did say that if he is released prematurely from the 72 hour hold, that he'd like to go to a longer term facility to make sure he is okay. So that at least makes me feel better, that he is aware enough to know how badly he needs help.
I appreciate your kind words. Thank you so much.
Matilda,
I too am very sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers for both of you.
MatildaLoo
Since it is you posting here and not your friend, the most important thing is do not blame yourself!!
One of the saddest things about suicide is the guilt it leaves behind for those that think they should have done something or should have known.
The same signs, if there really were any, are exhibited by mentally healthy people and so often hard to discern the difference of the thoughts/feelings behind them.
Do not blame yourself!You could have been perfect and it still may have made no difference.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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I've had suicidal thoughts lately. It's a combination of severe anxiety, depression and a feeling that anything I've ever had passion for has been sabotaged. With my music, it's these weird OCD thoughts which prevent me from singing or even talking to much. Also OCD/anxiety related, I have actually little interest in sex a lot of the time/my libido is low. Indeed, if I miss my meds for more than 2 days I feel very agitated/anxious, my heart beats rapidly. I can't work, I can't volunteer, all I do is stay home, go on the internet, read, play my guitar. I rarely socialize, I feel society thinks nothing of me, but I know it's my 'fault' for moping around, but it just feels so hard to do it all alone. A part of me has already given up on love, having a fulfilling life. Some may say I'm ungrateful, that life is a gift and you should make the best of it, but it's suffering to, and fearing that I might lose my faith in religion I feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. I don't REALLY want to die, I don't want to go into oblivion, but this life just seems hollow, meaningless and boring.
I have empathy for people who are depressed, and suffer from mental illness. I do not have empathy for those who commit suicide, rather than seeking help and treatment.
That's like saying you have empathy for people with cancer, but no empathy for people who choose to die from it, rather than to get treatment for it.
Most who end up committing suicide have already tried the treatment route...and have done so for many years. Depression, like cancer, wins...and after the long and exhausting fight, they give into the concept of death, as a cure for their suffering. In their irrational minds, suicide becomes the clear thing to do, in order to end their suffering.
To me, clinincal depression is cancer of the mind.
We can't expect the rational mind to have idea what it is like. Consider yourself very lucky that you've never reached the point of wanting to end your life at your own hands...and I would not wish it on you, just in order for you to understand what it is like to be there.
That's one of those pat little platitudes that people dredge up to offer empty comfort. Sometimes it's a permanent solution to a permanent problem. That little canard needs to go away.
In my case, it was not just a phrase. Granted, my "temporary" period lasted about 10 years. But after years of therapy, about 10 different antidepressants, 2 hospitalizations and even ECT treatment, I have kept it controlled since 1993. In those 10 years of desparate misery, I seriously considered suicide about 3 times. Thank God, I did not go through with it...as, for me, it would have been a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I am one of the lucky ones who eventaully beat it. To your point, some are not so fortunate.
if a suicidal person were to list of 'what they have to live for' and it's nothing of merit, Usually the other person will start talking about their future, your pet, what about their job, what about flowers and trees and all that bullsh*t. When you have to start grasping at straws using nature -- no, that person clearly has nothing to live for. No idea why that's so hard for some people to admit. Frankly I wish I owned a gun so I could get the hell off this planet, there's nothing here for me at all, it's as simple as that. There's plenty of other people that feel the same way too. If a person commits suicide pretty sure the world will not stop turning and things will go on as scheduled as they always have in previous years. But people will act like the world is going to shut down or something. It won't.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,060,466 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
if a suicidal person were to list of 'what they have to live for' and it's nothing of merit, Usually the other person will start talking about their future, your pet, what about their job, what about flowers and trees and all that bullsh*t. When you have to start grasping at straws using nature -- no, that person clearly has nothing to live for. No idea why that's so hard for some people to admit. Frankly I wish I owned a gun so I could get the hell off this planet, there's nothing here for me at all, it's as simple as that. There's plenty of other people that feel the same way too. If a person commits suicide pretty sure the world will not stop turning and things will go on as scheduled as they always have in previous years. But people will act like the world is going to shut down or something. It won't.
If you really wanted to kill yourself, and had the courage too, I think you would have done so by now.
I've had suicidal thoughts lately. It's a combination of severe anxiety, depression and a feeling that anything I've ever had passion for has been sabotaged. With my music, it's these weird OCD thoughts which prevent me from singing or even talking to much. Also OCD/anxiety related, I have actually little interest in sex a lot of the time/my libido is low. Indeed, if I miss my meds for more than 2 days I feel very agitated/anxious, my heart beats rapidly. I can't work, I can't volunteer, all I do is stay home, go on the internet, read, play my guitar. I rarely socialize, I feel society thinks nothing of me, but I know it's my 'fault' for moping around, but it just feels so hard to do it all alone. A part of me has already given up on love, having a fulfilling life. Some may say I'm ungrateful, that life is a gift and you should make the best of it, but it's suffering to, and fearing that I might lose my faith in religion I feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. I don't REALLY want to die, I don't want to go into oblivion, but this life just seems hollow, meaningless and boring.
Don't give up Trimac. You can fight it. I commend you for dealing with your anxiety. I have a form of depression that shows up here and there. It stemmed from my father's death and me giving him cpr. And he still died. I have many times that I am not good enough for anything.
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