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No one wants to hear others whine and moan about their problems to put it bluntly.
No, not if peole are merely whining and moaning. But I am not averse to hearing people speak of their genuine pain. Those who struggle through times of great psychic pain yet manage to survive and find a deeper meaning of self and their relationship to the world at large are capable of far more insightful and interesting conversation than those, for example, who want only to speak about the great bargain they got at 3 a.m. at Target on Black Friday.
And some of the people on this forum do seem to be among those struggling yet expanding their perceptions.
No one wants to hear others whine and moan about their problems to put it bluntly.
Some people get stuck in self-pity and they become "toxic." They want to hold on to their anger and blame and resentment and it becomes their identity...Other people work to heal their anger and disappointments in life so they can go on to be "happy again" at some point...It takes time to work through grief and "losses." We have to pass through many different stages. And it can be painful at times...It helps when we have "support." (Emotional support and caring and compassion and empathy.)...If we are around people who try to make us feel stupid and weak and "bad" for wanting to "feel" our feelings this can push some people "off a cliff." (Because they feel so "alone" in their pain and unloved.) ...Some people grew up in a "no feelings allowed" family and they carry this mandate with them into adulthood. They weren't allowed to cry or "feel much" and they expect everyone else to "be like them" and follow their mandate and views. ("Keep a stiff upper lip!" "Play soldier!" "Don't be a sissy!" And so on!)
No, not if peole are merely whining and moaning. But I am not averse to hearing people speak of their genuine pain. Those who struggle through times of great psychic pain yet manage to survive and find a deeper meaning of self and their relationship to the world at large are capable of far more insightful and interesting conversation than those, for example, who want only to speak about the great bargain they got at 3 a.m. at Target on Black Friday.
And some of the people on this forum do seem to be among those struggling yet expanding their perceptions.
I totally agree with you! All of my "losses" and so-called "misfortunes" have broadened my perspective about life in general. I am more modest and humble today. And I have a lot more empathy for other people...I'm no "saint." I'm not "better" than others because I have gone through so much. But I can offer someone my "shoulder" and my "ear" when they need comfort in more expanded ways today. I like to offer other people what I haven't always had myself. (Emotional support.)...I don't want to become "hard" and bitter. I don't want to say:."Why should I 'be there' for anyone else when people weren't always 'there' for me?" This kind of thinking hurts everyone. And creates a "dog-eat-dog" environment. Don't you think??
I am alone because I trust myself more than anyone.
People are usually self-centered, fake, back-stabbing, malicious, etc. I don't want to chance getting close to anyone like that. You can never tell what a person is like, so I don't have the will nor energy to find out.
With my problems, I'm alone. When things are good, I'm alone. When things are average, I'm alone.
There are some nice folks out there, but I don't have the time, trust, nor energy to find them.
I'm safe with myself.
Why do people isolate when they have problems? What are some of your thoughts about it? Thanks...
I don't think most people want to isolate themselves when they have problems. Maybe for a short time to try and think things through but certainly not long term. How many have had friends and or relatives distance themselves from you when you have had major problems? That's when you find out if you have any real friends at all, many end up hurt and disappointed in people they believed in. So you are left alone with your problems. Some of you have probably heard the old line, "get out and meet some new people." Depressed with a basket full of troubles isn't a drawing card that's for certain. Good true friends aren't made instantly or available off the shelf at the grocery store. After being hurt by people you thought cared its hard for some to trust and open up again. Long term isolation isn't planned it just happens.
Thanks for caring! I'm sorry that life has been so hard for you lately...Some people "mean well" but they don't really understand what we are going through. It's hard for me to settle for endless "chit chat" right now. Diversions can be good but I don't want to limit what I say just so I won't make other people feel uncomfortable...Do you feel this way too?I spend most of my time alone. Except I'm here sharing my thoughts and feeling. (In an effort to "stay sane!") But it's time for me to get up and "do stuff" in the larger world now! Take care and thanks for writing. I hope things "turn around" in your life soon. I'm sure hoping that my son can talk soon and regain all of his brain functions.
You are very welcome and your story touched me and I really hope that your son gets better soon!!!! I find that this forum is helpful to me also..I dont like talking to people and telling them my troubles..I like to be the one to make people smile or laugh andsometimes if I'm talking to my cousin I do end up sharing the ugly details of things and I end up feeling guilty for causing her to worry or get upset..The "turn around" I am hoping for is with someone that I love being a drug addict and I am hoping that they get help I hope that you have a Blessed weekend!
I don't want to become "hard" and bitter. I don't want to say:."Why should I 'be there' for anyone else when people weren't always 'there' for me?" This kind of thinking hurts everyone. And creates a "dog-eat-dog" environment. Don't you think??
The funny thing about what you said here is that I know personally that I have become pretty cold, hard, and at times..bitter.. I feel as though giant walls are up protecting me and its mainly from watching someone destroy themself on drugs..I never saw them use drugs, ofcourse, and they dont live with me, but when I visit them at the hospital and when I am verbally attacked because of their withdrawals or whatever..From all that I have gone through with this person I feel that a hard shell around my mind and heart will help to protect me..But when people like you share their story it helps to soften the walls because it makes me realize and aware that other people suffer too..and I want to be someone who can help to put a smile on someone's face..Also, if you ever want a friend I am here and Im not a weirdo lol I dont think so anyway !
It's also the loss of all you ever hoped for in the future. That is painful. I too try to see how I am luckier than some others. I have a decent job--won't ever be rich, but my bills get paid every month. I also have a daughter who is overseas at school right now who turned out to be a thoughtful, intelligent human being. If not for her, I might have already chosen to check out.
I hear you on the faith in God thing, too. I'm trying. It's hard to believe that God loves you when the evidence just isn't there.
Mightyqueen, you are not lucky, you are blessed! Your needs are being met, and you have a daughter who will always be there for you, with possible grandchildren to look forward to in the future. God has more planned for you in the future, AND for ALL who believe in him. This is where faith comes in......Hebrews 11:1 NIV "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see". In other words, Faith is knowing He will.
Please pray daily in your prayers for your faith to endure and increase in strength. I have made a small change in the above, as God gave me 2 miracles during my current tribulation, I now say "Faith is knowing He DOES"!
OngletNYC, I hear ya. I still have it better than most. Thats only because I saved money my entire career and now I'm living off of it. It will be gone over the next year and there will be nothing left. Then I won't be able to say I have it better than anyone. My plan is to just end my life at that point, if not before. All the education, trying to do the right thing, hard work, self improvement efforts, etc. is just wasted. I've tried to increase my faith in God. It sounds bad because it was out of desperation and brokeness (even though I've always believed). But it doesn't matter. God isn't with me. You're right, it is worse during the holidays. It makes you think about all the people who have abandoned you (for me, my wife, who I adored). I'm more alone now than ever and I just want the pain to stop.
If I was you I'd rent my house and move overseas, take a job teaching English. Meet new people on the other side of the world, it might change everything for you. You might meet a nice woman. I hope you are still trying and not just waiting it out.
Life isn't fair all you have to do is look around and you'll see evidence of it. My gal lives in the Philippines, I've come to know about how hard life is for most there. Homeless kids with nothing, literally going though the garbage to find food. Sick people without money for basic care and a system that doesn't care at all. Many don't go to school or have to quit to work to help the family survive. They have no chance for a better life. I've also been deeply hurt by people and its hard to let go of it when life hasn't moved forward after the pain. Still I think its important to realize what others are going through, sometimes it can give one strength to endure and try harder.
You do have options besides ending your life. They may not be what you had planned and hoped for, but perhaps a different road would be better in the long run anyway. If you haven't read anything on Buddhism, I encourage you do to so. You might find looking at life a different way helpful. Hope things get better for all of us.
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I hope that you have a Blessed weekend!
