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Good posts! I'm isolated now because I have the flu. I feel like a leper! (Without a leper colony!)...Good thing I have cats. People are probably afraid to call me because they assume I'm sleeping or ?? And I do try to stay down as much as I can. Don't want to end up with pneumonia! ...I haven't been sick and all alone since I was 17 or so. I was staying with my Aunt at the time. I came down with something right before my Aunt was set to take a vacation with friends. I told her I'd be okay. But I ended up getting sicker and sicker after she left. I didn't have the strength to get up and get myself water. And it was hard to get up and use the bathroom. I started hallucinating...I didn't want to call my parents because I knew they'd be mad at my Aunt for leaving me alone. Guess I was trying to cover for her..Eventually I really got scared and decided to call my parents before I ended up dead...I couldn't even sit up in the car when my Mom came to get me. I had to lay on the back seat. My Mom took me to the hospital...I don't want to get that "bad" now! So I'm trying to be a good nurse to myself! I did have a "guardian angel." My friend with the "least" brought me a plate of turkey and food over from her Thanksgiving dinner with relatives! That was so nice of her! I'll never forget her caring and kindness!...My son got special attention from his nurses (in the hospital) on Thanksgiving. We were able to talk for a little bit through the speaker phone. He can't say too many words yet but he is more alert. (YEA!) He is able to say "I love you" now! And he said it to me over and over again. We made a pact to have a "make-up Thanksgiving" when he gets better!
I don't think most people want to isolate themselves when they have problems. Maybe for a short time to try and think things through but certainly not long term. How many have had friends and or relatives distance themselves from you when you have had major problems? That's when you find out if you have any real friends at all, many end up hurt and disappointed in people they believed in. So you are left alone with your problems. Some of you have probably heard the old line, "get out and meet some new people." Depressed with a basket full of troubles isn't a drawing card that's for certain. Good true friends aren't made instantly or available off the shelf at the grocery store. After being hurt by people you thought cared its hard for some to trust and open up again. Long term isolation isn't planned it just happens.
The funny thing about what you said here is that I know personally that I have become pretty cold, hard, and at times..bitter.. I feel as though giant walls are up protecting me and its mainly from watching someone destroy themself on drugs..I never saw them use drugs, ofcourse, and they dont live with me, but when I visit them at the hospital and when I am verbally attacked because of their withdrawals or whatever..From all that I have gone through with this person I feel that a hard shell around my mind and heart will help to protect me..But when people like you share their story it helps to soften the walls because it makes me realize and aware that other people suffer too..and I want to be someone who can help to put a smile on someone's face..Also, if you ever want a friend I am here and Im not a weirdo lol I dont think so anyway !
Thanks for your kind words! I'm sorry that you've been going through so much with your relative lately...I don't think that we should just let ourselves become a "punching bag." If someone treats me "badly" I tell them to "stop!" If they don't "stop" I back away. (For my own "good" and peace of mind!) ...I had to teach my Dad some lessons late in life. People always say that "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" but i never believed this!....My Dad had a lot of wonderful qualities. He was great most of the time. But I had to live with his periodic "rage-attacks" all my life and so did my Mom. After my Mom died my Dad would "pick on me" at unexpected times. This made me mad because I went out of my way to "be there" for my Dad even though I lived far away. I literally "gave up my life" for awhile to help my Dad. And it all came from my "heart!" (I was an only child.)....Eventually I told my Dad that I wasn't going to come up and see him anymore. (Not even on holidays.) I told him that I was going to "boycott" him until he started treating me with the love and respect I deserved!...It was hard to stay away but I did. I "meant business" as my Mom used to say!...It took about 5 months. He had to go through the holiday season without me and my husband. (He loved my husband!) When January rolled around he called and said that he'd like to have a "make-up dinner" for the holidays and my birthday. He never "raged" at me again! And he never treated me with disrepect after our time apart...We had some great years together before he died. (Minus his "rage-attacks!")
That was very wise of you to "boycott" him unless you received the respect that you deserved! It's so true that sometimes we do have to make clear boundaries with certain people and demand respect..I ended up letting this person know that I do not allow anyone to treat me that way..and that they will either show me respect or I wont be around them ..On Thanksgiving the person came over and was respectful but obviously still using drugs..and wasting away with stick-like legs and vertabrae poking out..The kids and I were all horrified to see this but not really shocked or surprised..I ended up confronting him in a very nice way and ofcourse the reply was that he didnt have money for food..I gave him 20 for gas and told him that he can take whatever food he wants.. He wasnt happy about only getting 20..but we know what he really does with the money
That was very wise of you to "boycott" him unless you received the respect that you deserved! It's so true that sometimes we do have to make clear boundaries with certain people and demand respect..I ended up letting this person know that I do not allow anyone to treat me that way..and that they will either show me respect or I wont be around them ..On Thanksgiving the person came over and was respectful but obviously still using drugs..and wasting away with stick-like legs and vertabrae poking out..The kids and I were all horrified to see this but not really shocked or surprised..I ended up confronting him in a very nice way and ofcourse the reply was that he didnt have money for food..I gave him 20 for gas and told him that he can take whatever food he wants.. He wasnt happy about only getting 20..but we know what he really does with the money
Having an addict in your life is painful. You are doing the right thing by setting boundaries even though you still have compassion for the person. I know what you mean about growing a shell around your heart.
At this age, it just bothers me because it's become so evident that it's unlikely I will ever experience what love feels like. For many years, when I was young, and then even after my divorce, I thought for sure it would have to happen eventually. I know I'm a little odd and my interests are different from regular people's, and I'm not a beauty queen but don't need a bag over my head either, but geez, I never imagined I was so completely repulsive and unlovable. Having to accept that fact has been very difficult, but I'll get through it and then just proceed with whatever time I have left, I guess. I'm also abnormally tall for a woman--half an inch over six feet, which didn't help in the romance department much. I tried EHarmony years ago when it first came out, and they told me that because of my height, only 3% of the male species would be interested.
My first crush at 17 was a 6' 3" green eyed, blonde hair beauty. It didn't work out (she ignored me), but not all of us guys are height bigots.
I know this isn't what I am supposed to say, but I totally get it. I look around at my life these days and I think, wtf. I'm a bit of a health nut, but I'm starting to think that my love of fitness will keep me alive too long. I ****ed up, and now my life sucks. Yes, many people have it worse than me so that's why I just keep my mouth shut as I get on with life. I think back on my dramatic teen-aged suicide attempts and wish I'd have been successful - it isn't like I've done anything that matters over the last 25 years. And I sit here and realize, this is it. This. This is what it all comes down to. And it sucks because I really honestly believe there are many positive things about me... that makes it worse. Because even what good I have comes up short. I am hoping I am feeling extra bad because of the holidays.
Wow, I wish I could give both you and AtlGuy a big hug. If it makes you feel any better, you could always say "Well, my life's half over, midas well go out with a bang". I know that sounds cold, but sometimes when time is short is when you have the most fun.
I'm lucky in the sense that even though I'm only 24, I've been through the darkness in some ways already and life no longer holds it's innocence nor luster. But what happens is that your better able to focus on what truly brings you happyness and joy and not what society tells you should do it.
I don't search for a meaning in life other than what is written in the Bible. Ultamitley I accept and embrace the fact that some day (god willing, not soon I hope) I will pass from this planet as uncerimoniously as I came in, and no one other than the people I've touched will even know I was here. And that's okay with me....
Because no one gives a sh1t. People have their own problems, nobody wants to hear about mine. Only attention wh00res command that other people care about their problems. It isn't the healthiest thing in the world, but I just sit in my apartment, open a bottle of red, and look forward to the next day. This is your fate once you are over 40 and are unhappy. People have lives now, they have family and friends. For those who don't, tough luck.
Oh I hate this post but I think it's true! I do know there are still some good people out there willing to extend a hand - but only for so long, and this includes family members.
I do disagree with your attention ***** comment though. There are some people who still believe in the goodness of others and have the courage to ask for help (and it does take courage at times as one doesn't want to appear weak or needy) and some people out there still do want to help - but in limited doses. Having said this, there are some people who do not give one iota about someone else's problems too.
But I have to agree with your comment in large part about once you are over 40, etc.
I have been reaching out more to certain people and letting the people I trust "come in" a little more...I've sure felt "naked" and exposed since my husband passed away last year. We used to live in our own "little cave" a lot. It was great but probably not very smart. We weren't thinking in terms of "losing" each other...After my husband died it was mostly me and my son in a "cave." We have a few friends in the area and they've been good to us. But they don't really "do emotions" very often...My longtime out-of-the-area friend has sure helped me cope with things via frequent phone calls. She refused to let me "waste away" and "drown." (Or have a nervous breakdown!)...She brought in her sisters and family to show me that I am loved and not really all alone! Everyone is encouraging me to move close to them and be part of their family when my son recovers. They want to "adopt us!"....And I am so tired of "going it alone!" I think we all need help and emotional support at times. (Especially when we're going through crisis after crisis.)...Who is going to take care of the nurse when she (or he) reaches their "last leg" and barely has the strength or energy to keep going on and "doing for others?" Sometimes it helps to have a little "friendly support."...Anyway life has had lot of lessons to teach me lately. And one of them is throwing away "false pride."
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I do know there are still some good people out there willing to extend a hand - but only for so long, and this includes family members.
