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I think the only true unconditional love is from ones pet. I'm not able to do a thing yet, I get this way frequently with anxiety. Being alone makes it worse, nervous and no one to talk to. Then your mind goes and the bad thoughts come, everything connects. They have taken lots of old movies and shows off YouTube, thats my only source for stuff to watch now. Hate those commercials on Hulu, they are all too frequent, its irritating.
I have to get with the program here. I just can't focus on anything, or feel motivated to do stuff right now. I am in "lump" mode.
Need to get off the sofa, and pretend to give a rat tail.
I lucked out and got sick, ( at my own idiocy of thinking that way) so I had a good excuse to be a lump for a few days. It was great. Except for the snot and the coughing and the aches in my body.
Well I'm checking in here this evening. Feel very alone this new years eve.
I've got a few dogs here keeping me company infront of the fire but being in my 30's I'm sitting here watching tv wondering if I'll ever have a family to be on vacation with (as everyone I know is).. will fall asleep early and wake up to go about normal things tomorrow. Def depressed tonight though!
Well I'm checking in here this evening. Feel very alone this new years eve.
I've got a few dogs here keeping me company infront of the fire but being in my 30's I'm sitting here watching tv wondering if I'll ever have a family to be on vacation with (as everyone I know is).. will fall asleep early and wake up to go about normal things tomorrow. Def depressed tonight though!
It's easier if you forget it's New Year's Eve and simply do what you'd do on any Monday. I don't watch any of the New Year's ball drop type shows. They're boring, for one thing. Watch a movie or make some cookies or clean your sock drawer--anything to forget that it's a "couples" holiday.
It's easier to forget about if you aren't watching the time. I wanted to sleep but couldnt, as long as I have something on, some old show, my mind isn't as engaged with all the past losses of the year and the on going stuff. Trying to go to sleep when ya cant and all I do is go over it all, and do some pretty dark thinking about some people in this world too. I don't know how people can watch that crap on New Years Eve year after year, ya its dead boring and pretty repulsive too. I've been taking chamomile capsules, they help for a short time. But not enough. Hope everyone has a better new year. This last one has been a sad one and big disappointment for me. And I'm pretty tired of that tune.
New Years is a time of reflection for me. Look back and think of the past year and how time moves forward though ones own life still remains in a stuck in da muck state. Pollyana types online can preach about the future, but they don't really know that individual and their life. The year changes but its not like all the same problems aren't carried on with it. It's basically just another day of the same thing. One hopes and tries to figure how to make it better, but in some cases others control things, waiting on contractors that don't keep their word, on houses to sell, or on government bodies that creep slower than any animal ever alive. Nothing gripes me more than Pollyana types that spew optimism without knowing any of the facts of a situation. When you present them with facts they become angry and say you are being negative, no I'm being realistic based on the situation. Ever have anyone do that to you? It's easy to discount the wasted time when its not you that has been waiting, when its not your life.
I'm usually at my worst on very pretty, nice days, it makes me more aware I'm missing out on things. I haven't lost the anger for the ex, maybe when things get better I will.
Todd, I totally understand and can relate. I consider myself a realist too. I was thinking about what I did the last 4 New Year's after my wife left, and could only remember 1 of them. I feel like I stopped living when she left. I stopped celebrating everything, birthdays, Christmas, New Year's. Its f'ing sad. I also reflect on the previous years and always pray next year is better. It never is. This may finally be an exception because I got a new job in a new city and will never see my ex-wife again. I need a new start with a new woman. I have the jiob, finally, now I need the woman and maybe I can start being more optimistic. You need some good things to happen to you too, and I hope they do.
I have a long way to go. I'm still not confident, am an introvert, and know practically nobody in my new city. I have to work on these things and force myself out of my comfort zone. There is no choice now.
It's easier to forget about if you aren't watching the time. I wanted to sleep but couldnt, as long as I have something on, some old show, my mind isn't as engaged with all the past losses of the year and the on going stuff. Trying to go to sleep when ya cant and all I do is go over it all, and do some pretty dark thinking about some people in this world too. I don't know how people can watch that crap on New Years Eve year after year, ya its dead boring and pretty repulsive too. I've been taking chamomile capsules, they help for a short time. But not enough. Hope everyone has a better new year. This last one has been a sad one and big disappointment for me. And I'm pretty tired of that tune.
Todd, I have the same sleep problems. Try melatonin, benadryl, or a prescription for Lunesta. Read before going to bed. No tv. Make your bedroom very dark. These are all things I've done, and they work.
Todd, I have the same sleep problems. Try melatonin, benadryl, or a prescription for Lunesta. Read before going to bed. No tv. Make your bedroom very dark. These are all things I've done, and they work.
Yes- the body responds naturally to light, any light, not just sunlight. Trying to watch TV or browse the internet right before you sleep won't work because your brain is stimulated and still thinks it's wakey wakey time.
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at my own idiocy of thinking that way) so I had a good excuse to be a lump for a few days. It was great. Except for the snot and the coughing and the aches in my body.
Forget What Day It Is
