Can't stand it here? Leaving? Moving back? Check it out... (Bayonne: rent, crime)

[j1n]

see...I've got to think that this is the best and most positive useage of this board! Thanks for the kind words, stevemorse; and summering too...very thoughtful and compassionate. Nice to see people being encouraging.

stevemorse...I think it's cool you used the term "woodswoman". One think that I suggest you do is read any of Anne LaBastille's "Woodswoman" series of books. She's a modern lady living with a couple dogs in a cabin in the Adirondacks...and writing about it. You'll be able to find those books in probably any bookstore on your way up to your new home, as well as online.

Honestly, we picked the Roanoke Valley because it is beautiful, mountainous, has the four distinct seasons, has basically all the outdoor activities we could ask for, has a slower pace, has an active job market, and the cost of living is so much less than here in NJ. We were looking at moving upstate awhile back...to the Adirondack park. We have also considered Utah, CO, and Wyoming. But we also have some east coast friends and family we'd like to stay closer to...and the Blue Ridge, I think, are similar to the Adirondacks.

About what summering mentioned...about feeding your heart of natural beauty...
Every summer, the trip(s) to the 'dacks felt like a "recharge". Like for a week, I could shake off the traffic and grime and attitudes and fast pace. I haven't had that as readily available for the past few years. So a buddy and I have taken these trips...these "bro-downs"...extended camping trips to the San Juans of CO, the LaSals of Utah, and this last June out to the Winds, Bighorns, Absarokas, Tetons, and Beartooths of Wyoming and Montana. You tend to come back recharged...and with a new outlook.
The trick is to figure out how to live somewhere awesome all the time...not work yourself to death for 11.5 months in suburbia so you can get your 2 weeks somewhere nice! So that's what we're trying to do...live and work somewhere awesome...where the mountains are right there.

And hey...I'm not really knocking NJ. I was just sharing my experiences there. I love NJ and NYC. I have just found that, in my experience (I'm not saying that this is an "across the board" experience, or that I'm speaking everyone or for all of NJ), the bad is outweighing the good.

[mike0421]

Originally Posted by stevemorse

Thanks your sweet. Where is your spot???? Now, what's bothering me is my parents and peoples negitivity. Comments like its so dumpy, have fun shoveling and yeah Walmart is a great place to work. I love my log cabin, and I am a loser here working for a low wage so at least my cost of living there is cheaper for the same ass wiping job. I am not a professional. It comes down to why are they so damn discouraging? I want out of here, I like the woods, I can blend with red necks, I think at times I am more of a red neck that a corporate ceo type. Yeah I graduated college yeah Im smart but Im not motivated to kill myself working. I would rather hike, lift weights, and plant trees. I think that all these negitive people convey what they like to me or they think thats what I should be. I dont care if I dont have bloomingdales. But they care. They can't conceive living in the woods, they will miss shopping and fancy crap. I wont. Now what worries my husband is will the people accept him. But he is not a yuppie either. I want to be positive and who cares if I work at a ****ty job, at least Im working.

Thanks I will fill you in Im excited to leave.

This post is so reminscent of members of my family/friends etc. Many in NJ have an extremely provincial view of the world, thinking there is no other place worth living within a 30 mile radius of their neighborhood. It's quite frustrating. Bergen County residents are doubly guilty of that stigma. Many think anyone who lives south of the Raritan River, for instance, have no teeth, the usual stereotypes, etc. You are choosing your immediate family over possessions, the 'we've been so busy keeping up with the Joneses, four car garage and we're still building on' mentality. My wife and I made the conscious choice, too, like Diane, to get out. And what it comes down to, it's not the best pork roll or best pizza or distance to the nearest mall that's going to pay your bills for you. You have to look out for your own, ultimately, the tangible factors in your life, immediate family topping the list. I wish you all the luck in the world with your move. You'll be just fine.

[JerseyM'Fers]

Originally Posted by stevemorse

Nj1 thanks I am feeling less nervous.You are such a good writer, you also bring tears to my eyes especially the last lines. I told the bunch, I want no more bad mouthing this idea. I am excited, its was a vacation home first, so I have spent all my weekends up there so I know what I am doing. I just need to land a small job thats it. Not impossible, so I told them shut up. My spot is so great huge trees, the Salmon River in my back yard rock ledges by the river for me to sit, I am gone. But most important I dont like NJ. I have felt this way for awhile. This is for the lifestyle of the rich and famous type (look at me) I am a woodwomen. I could care less about your BMW!!!! I just hate it. So my mind is made and I am cutting the strings and not looking back. I am killing myself just to keep this house, I paid the mortage off , Im young, and healthy I can shovel, but I am tired , tired of all this stuff. A house full of stuff, it does not love me, it does not hold me, I want out. I am doing a major life scale down here to a small 1000 square foot log cabin in the woods. How many nj women do that???

Thanks and I have been to your moving area, Drove and hiked a lot of the Blue Ridge. Why there and fill me in on how you picked that area. Its a nice area too!!!

Hey congrates to you for finding your smile. Life is a very short thing that should not be taken for granted most people spend there whole livies buying materialisticitems thinking it will make them happier. I'm secure when I say i'm happy to see you've found a place that fits your style New Jersey is not for everybody and as I get older although I love NJ I might begin to realize it may not be for me either but only time will tell so as for right now this is home my life and I love it bottom line. So again congrates on finding your happiness I wish more people had as much heart as you do for making a big life altering change as you are about to do

[annelid]

The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
I've been down in Central Louisiana for over 2 1/2 yrs and to be honest, it stinks here.

Low pay, most jobs around here don't offer any sort of benefit packages, everything is a schlep to get to. Shopping is great if you want to spend what little $ you have at Walmart.

I spent my whole life in NJ and about 2 1/2 yrs ago (give or take) the company I worked for decided to outsource my job (with some others) to India. My gf decided to move back to La to be with her kinfolk (as they say here around these parts ). I figured after getting my job outsourced, I would move down there. Big mistake. Think "My Cousin Vinny" played out over a span of 2 yrs. Heh. I never felt so out place in my life.


The town where I live is pretty much propped up by Fort Polk so any decent jobs are on base. The problem is that to get a job there you :

a. Have to know somebody
b. be prior military.


So I decided to move back to NJ. Yes, traffic blows in NJ, High Taxes and all that, and good luck ever trying to save $ to purchase a house there. But then again, it's what I'm familiar with, people,food, places,etc.

[stevemorse]

Thanks to all three of you Nj1, Summer, Mike. I feel pretty confident. I have read the Woodwoman, thats kinda why I used it. One tough Lady!! I have also read an author called Louise Dickinson Rich, another woodswomen. Thanks and I will keep all informed. Marilyn

[Diane Giam]

Originally Posted by stevemorse

Thanks to all three of you Nj1, Summer, Mike. I feel pretty confident. I have read the Woodwoman, thats kinda why I used it. One tough Lady!! I have also read an author called Louise Dickinson Rich, another woodswomen. Thanks and I will keep all informed. Marilyn

I hope you enjoy your new life as I have. I love it here in Nashville and when I want to feel like getting away from it all I hope in my car and in 20 miles or so I'm out in the Country,
A favorite spot of mine iss the senic Historical resting areas on the Natchez State Parkway which starts in Nashville, Ends in Tupilo, Miss.

Natchez Trace Parkway - Directions (U.S. National Park Service)

Its beautiful Country here !
Diane

[tahiti]

Originally Posted by j1n

hey tahiti,
if you go back near the top of my post, I wrote..."I am going to share my experiences".
The bad experiences are not the whole of my experience here, but...
the NJ I was brought up in is essentially gone. The NJ neighborhood that I was raised in has gone from a pretty affordable place (my folks did ok, but weren't loaded by any means!) to someplace I would be hardly able to rent in, much less buy.
Sure, you can still pay (a lot!) for a backyard that backs up onto someplace pristine...or a neighborhood where the kids are safe and the streets are clean. My point is that those places are not easily had here anymore, and are getting fewer and further between.
The incident with the threat to my child? Isolated? Hopefully! Indicative of all kids in NJ? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But did it happen in a good school system?? YES! And did the school respond? Not really.
I also wanted to share my moving-away-and-back-again experience because I have seen so many others post about how they felt that their move away from NJ was a mistake...and that they couldn't wait to come back. Well...there were very valid reasons you left to begin with. And although they may be clouded by a new experience in a new place that may not have turned out exactly as you planned, they are still valid!

i never said they weren't your experiences. but you did say that since you've moved out of state "I'm going to be thankful that my kids can go out and play.", which IMPLIES that can't be found in NJ. You also said "In 2nd grade, a classmate of my daughter's threatened my little girl...told her "she would wake up breathing through a tube". TV is the option because outside play now means foul graffiti and broken glass on the playgrounds. Going for a run or a walk means dodging broken glass and inhaling car fumes every third or fourth breath. The Watchung Reservation has beer cans, bottles, cigarette butts and trash everywhere. Should we have to drive 5 hours to get somewhere pristine?". I'm mean, seriously, do you really think you need to drive *5* hours to get somewhere pristine? And you had to leave the state so your daughter wouldn't be threatened in school? THAT is what I'm challenging. It's insulting to people who live here or contemplating moving here that there is NOWHERE safe, clean or pristine.

You also say your point was "nice" places are not easily had here - well, you NEVER said that in your original post. But there are nice places easily had here, just go west and south of NYC, where the COL is lower.

Again, if you want to move to embrace new cultures, get a lower COL, more power to you! Don't spread untruths about the entire place.

BTW - I'm not one of the ppl who moved and came back.. You have me confused with someone else.

[j1n]

2nd grade was 3 years ago for her. We've since moved out of that town. We are leaving NJ next week for our new home. We haven't fled because of one incident.
5 hours puts me in upstate NY. About as pristine as can be found within a day's drive of NJ. If you like rolling farmland, PA is nice. Not for me...I like mountains. The beach...the Shore? Sure it's great. Just not really my thing. If I wanted to pay an arm and a leg to live in close proximity to the beach, I'd head for San Diego or Oahu.
My post was meant to reach out to folks who felt disenchanted here...folks who love it, but just can't afford to live it anymore. I'll always love NJ. I was born and raised here. But I've seen it get really expensive and very crowded. At least for me.
Again, it was just my experience and not meant as an across-the-board judgement. I've lived around this state, and these are the things I've experienced.
My comment about initial reasons behind moving away was directed at bdpop. He and I have both left NJ for FL at some point, and it hadn't turned out the way we had hoped it would.

[Summering]

I think that you all should have a new thread about "What cities I love in NJ and WHY"........( Tahiti, you would be a good one to start this, LOL)
Because even though I left NJ too......
I was born and raised there, raised my kids there........and Jersey will always be a huge part of who I am. I'm still a Jersey Girl.......
People leave for different reasons........
It sure doesn't mean they hate the state, they just have personal reasons to leave. ( then again, some might just hate the state, but whatchagonnado)
There is much that I love about NJ ,and of course the biggest draw for me is the ocean........Seaside, and Wildwood, even Cape May.
All states have bad towns, bad areas........
I have some favorite towns in NJ for sure.....many by the ocean, many by a lake.........( waiting for Mr. Tahiti to start a new thread on that )
Good Luck to SteveM.......the blue ridge sounds great to me.

[stevemorse]

I must be strange I have no real attachment to NJ. I actually really do hate it. I don't feel good here at all. The only thing that kept me here was not my parents but jobs and not even good jobs. I think you sort of get trapped here.