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What rule says that family members have to talk everyday?
When most people don't speak to their family, there is normally a very good reason. It's one thing to not be able to relate, but I don't think that people should be judged if they have not had the same experiences.
I don't know what 'rule' that is either, but it's not one that I follow.
I agree with you that people shouldn't be judged if they have not been LUCKY enough to have those experiences. But I'm telling you there's more people that think like stan (no offense) then feel the way we do. There was a thread about messed up families in the dating section and you wouldn't be beleive how everyone wrote people off that didn't have the standard family relationships as 'bad news' and 'probably too much trouble to deal with.' They came to those conclusions based on the actions of someone else in that person's family WTH?
My brothers and sisters and I are very close and we talk by phone at least once a week and by email even more often. Even though we live in different cities we make an effort to see each other often.
So when I met my wife I was shocked how little she talks to her brothers and sisters. They only see each other at Christmas and don't communicate at all the rest of the year. They spend most of Christmas staring at the TV and making small talk that is incredibly shallow and boring. We put in an appearance and spend lots of time looking at our watchs figuring out why our four hour obligation seems like a lifetime. (There must be something wrong with our watches!!)
So how common is the family that only sees each other on Christmas and does not talk any other time of year?
This is something I think about now and then. It really puzzles me as to HOW my family managed to drift so far apart.
I am the oldest of six kids and was more a '2nd mom' to my younger siblings before I left home. I am 18 mos. older than #2 sib...a sister...and 11 years older than #6, a brother. When we were young I was close to my brothers but my sister absolutely hated me and, to this day, I don't know why. I know she didn't like the idea of me being 'in charge' when parents were gone/working, etc.. Her favorite saying was "You're NOT the boss of me!". Fast forward, lo these many years, and NONE of us seem to be 'close' anymore. They aren't even THAT close with my mom anymore and that bothers me a LOT. Ignore ME all you want but NOT your mom! Even so, my mom talks to all of them often and tells the rest of us what everyone is 'up to'. When she goes none of us will know what the others are doing. I'm sure of that. I guess what I mean by them "ignoring" Mom is that they NEVER come to see her. All communications are by phone or e-mail and we all live in the same town within a three mile radius. They will SAY they are coming over but not show up, etc.. Makes me mad sometimes.
Funny things is, though, even if I rarely ever see my brothers when we DO get together it's like we just got together last week! We just pick up wherever we left off 'last time'. I do try to keep up with them on Facebook but only one posts very often. Our political views are 180 different so that's a taboo topic. I am a left leaning Independant in a sea of Conservatives! lol
From my childhood I put MUCH store in "family". As an adult I was the one who planned and executed ALL the family get togethers and I was the one who ALWAYS stayed in touch. When I realized that the rest really couldn't care less I quit doing it and that's been about 15 years now. I think that's why I carry so much nostalgia for the years when my grandparents were still alive because my dad and his sisters were the complete opposite of the family today. No matter where they lived they were ALWAYS 'home' for holidays, special occasions, etc.. I miss having that family connection, knowing all my cousins as well as I knew my siblings, etc.. I still get along with ALL my cousins but don't see them much either...not even the ones who live in town too. Maybe I've always had an 'idealized' vision of what family should be but what we have now is the actual reality??
I confess my sister is not allowed to have my phone number. I simply cannot deal with the ongoing, neverending, constant barrage of DRAMA from her. Mom talks to her several times a week so I always know what the latest 'drama' is but if I talked to her I'd just make her mad by not being sympathetic. I USED to be but after many years of it, it got old, old, old. She hates everybody; everybody hates her; her kids don't care about her...not true!...her grandkids are brats...partly true...lol She picks the WORST men and then spends her time complaining about them but won't let go because she "needs" a man in her life. At 67 I'd think she's be "over that", but no.
So...that is how it stands today. I feel bad that my family isn't closer but there's nothing *I* can do about it so it's been put into a 'box' and will stay there, I guess.
i think that is a bit sad treating siblings/family as a stranger, even if you perhaps don't like them. I wonder how many aquaintences or facebook friends will be at your funeral
i think that is a bit sad treating siblings/family as a stranger, even if you perhaps don't like them. I wonder how many aquaintences or facebook friends will be at your funeral
Don't know which poster you are replying to here but, as for me, there won't be a funeral. It's in my Will. I couldn't care less who doesn't like it either. If people can't be bothered coming to see me when I'm alive then they needn't bother when I'm dead 'cause I won't know or care.
I don't really talk to any of my siblings. My oldest half brother is really nice. but we don't have a ton in common. Usually when we talk, there's a reason behid it like birthdays or something like that. Even when I visit on holiday we don't say much. We just don't have much in comon. I get along best with my sister and we don't really talk that much, but part of the reason being that she lives in France, every so often we chime in on facebook and birthdays, we enteract a buch when we see each other on holidays, but thats about it and my last brother, we don't get along, We only really talk when we see each other on holiday, but half of the time we end up arguing anyway.
I see my brother every week and my sister and I stopped speaking four years ago, she lives in CA, I live in MN, so making up is not likely going to happen. My husband rarely see's his sister and two brothers, his younger brother is like the forgotten one, he is 11 years younger and I have seen him maybe 7-8 times in the past ten years. They all live within one hour of each other.
I have many half brothers, but don't have any kind of connection with them. The two younger ones were heavily favoured by our mother, they are happily married, good looking with decent careers. I have nothing in common with them and no desire to contact them and I believe the feeling is more than mutual.
i think that is a bit sad treating siblings/family as a stranger, even if you perhaps don't like them. I wonder how many aquaintences or facebook friends will be at your funeral
That's all my family is the equivalent of = Facebook friends.
I would be dead for weeks or even months before any of them would even bat an eyelid (just the truth). Parents often put these wedges in families by picking favourites, which often leads to resentment that carries on into adulthood, if left unchecked and unaddressed.
i think that is a bit sad treating siblings/family as a stranger, even if you perhaps don't like them. I wonder how many aquaintences or facebook friends will be at your funeral
You assume that the only options are Facebook friends or aquaintances. Believe it or not, many people forge relationships with others that feel as close as blood. Ever hear the term "I love her like a sister"?
I am very close to my husband's family, esepcially his sisters. They "get" me. My own sister does not. It's not anyone's fault; it just is. But if my sister needed me, I would be there in a heartbeat and vice versa. That's not treating her like a stranger at all.
Don't know which poster you are replying to here but, as for me, there won't be a funeral. It's in my Will. I couldn't care less who doesn't like it either. If people can't be bothered coming to see me when I'm alive then they needn't bother when I'm dead 'cause I won't know or care.
The people I would have cared to have attended a funeral I never planned to have are mostly deceased and I certainly don't want people weeping over my ashes. Don't cry for me Argentina. Sometimes resting in peace, when it comes to certain folks, is just that, leave me the alone. There are times when distance can even keep a smithering of fondness alive.
There's a reason we have agencies that sometimes interfer in families for the sake of their well being, not all should keep ties alive. Sometimes it's just too toxic. For many, friends fulfill the roll of family and often they're better off never being in contact with the toxic family member/s.
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The people I would have cared to have attended a funeral I never planned to have are mostly deceased and I certainly don't want people weeping over my ashes. Don't cry for me Argentina. 
Sometimes resting in peace, when it comes to certain folks, is just that, leave me the alone. There are times when distance can even keep a smithering of fondness alive. 
