Anyone rarely if ever talk to their adult brothers and sisters? (gatherings, influenced)

[veuvegirl]

I think every family is different. I talk to my parents once a week at least. Hubby calls or they'll call him whenever. I never talk to my sister.

[TRosa]

My Narcissistic, (which is putting it mildly,) brother just this morning, wrote on my facebook wall "I love you sis" and I back to him. Just because I know what he's capable of doesn't mean I don't love and won't be there for him if the need arises, but I personally know my brother and his issues, better than those that haven't a clue to the dynamic, so I will keep the distance for what's left of both our sanity. I'm the older one that has to set the boundaries in the relationship. He likes to guilt me into getting his way, it doesn't work, he pouts, gets angry, I ignore it, he starts digging in using mean names comparing me to how awful I am compared to my deceased sisters of who's households he wrecked havoc on, never taking responsibility for the stress he brought to their lives . Yeah, I should be in constant contact.

Family means more to me than I could ever explain here, there was a time in my life, I couldn't understand how anyone could not love and want to be with family no matter what. I actually lost sleep over it because I met this girl, (high school days,) that truly hated her sister, she and I had many arguments about it to the point, she tried to cause a divide between my baby sister and myself. That gal tried to buy my sister's affections to split us up. Very complicated what went on, but eventually my sister came to her senses. That young lady (actually changed her name to lady,) taught me some big lessons. In addition I grew up and learned to understand the various dynamics that contribute to this being something that keeps people trapped in abusive destructive situations. Some riffs, I agree, aren't worth cutting ties over, but toxicity, family members that are sick in the head and mean you harm, you can't help them if you are falling prey to what they are piling on you.

Some people give up too easy in some situations, but I don't think that's the norm for most families, just some and you are right in those instances, it has a lot to do with family values and upbringing. BTW, my siblings and I were separated at young ages, we came back together later in life, but as kids, we developed a deep closeness and fondness for each other that never vanished and yes it was partly due to my parents loving tenderness toward us. I'm the white sheep of the family when it comes to my baby brother because, I developed skills that my sisters didn't, which would be not going to let you walk all over me. They were stronger than me in other areas, but I excelled in the no crap from anyone department.

[molochai2580]

I have a step sister whom was in and out of the house while I was growing up, not really close to her. I have a 1/2 sister whom I've only talked to on the phone once for less than 10 minutes, I wasn't impressed and didn't feel the need to keep in any further contact. I also have a 1/2 brother whom I've only met once for about 20 minutes. He didn't seem too bad, but not going to go out of my way to forge a relationship with him. My final sibiling is another 1/2 brother whom I actually grew up with. He's two years younger than me and I have never gotten along with him. He's a sociopath and I see no reason to keep in contact with him. It's been 16 years since I have had to deal with him and I'm much happier now. Just because he's related to me doesn't mean I have to subject myself to a sociopath.

[jobaba]

I have one sister. She's 2 years apart. I don't talk to her too often, but it's more because of the way we were raised.

We were raised to love and respect each other but my family is one of few words. Some people talk on the phone with their friends and relatives every day or every week and discuss every nuance of their life. That ain't us...

We're close though. If I have a big problem, she's one of the people I'd turn to. And we see each other often enough, have some decent common ground, and hang every now and then.

It's a pretty normal sibling relationship I'd say. We definitely have a lot more in common now than when kids.

This thread has really done 2 things to me...

1) Made me feel lucky that I am friends with my sister and that I we can totally rely on each other in a bad situation (although she is a doctor, totally has her sh@t together and I can't ever see her 'needing' me for anything.

2) Made me realize why it's hard for me to find loyal friends. I think if people don't put in the effort to stay friends with someone you grew up and lived under the same roof with, why would you care about someone you just kind of hung around with for a few years...

[Ceece]

I probably wouldn't talk to my brother often except we both live near our aging parents and meeting at their place for dinner has become a custom over the last few years. He also never married or had kids so when he hit midlife he got a little isolated and became more proactive about keeping in contact.

My ex never talks to his sister. No reason, they just have nothing in common and live in different states and completely different lifestyles ( city boy, country girl). His family mostly bores him.

[Koale]

Originally Posted by life time student

My brothers and sisters and I are very close and we talk by phone at least once a week and by email even more often. Even though we live in different cities we make an effort to see each other often.

So when I met my wife I was shocked how little she talks to her brothers and sisters. They only see each other at Christmas and don't communicate at all the rest of the year. They spend most of Christmas staring at the TV and making small talk that is incredibly shallow and boring. We put in an appearance and spend lots of time looking at our watchs figuring out why our four hour obligation seems like a lifetime. (There must be something wrong with our watches!!)

So how common is the family that only sees each other on Christmas and does not talk any other time of year?

I speak to my sister at least every third day...my older brother I haven't spoken to in over 35 years because he's an Ass.
Koale

[auntieannie68]

MY BROTHER
AND I ARE DISTANT IN MILES and he chooses little contact----maybe guilt on dipping into all of dad's money and his not honoring the will to share it with me knowing i could not afford an attorney----on the other hand he will work himself into the grave cause he supports his wife's family and all the kids(he only had 1 with her)

UNTIL LAST YEAR WHEN HE TRIED TO GET MONEY FROM ME(i live off SS)---I COULD ONLY RELAY MESSAGES TO HIM THROUGH HIS CHARMING WIFE MALIFICENT

[Peacelilies]

Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948

not much. my kid sister and brother decided long ago that i was a fool and knew nothing and that they had all the answers. its been a rough life for the both of them and a great life for me. i can only offer a bit of cheese with their whine.

Your post cracked me up. Good for you for succeeding.

[Peacelilies]

You know, reading all the replies on this thread has been very comforting to me. I found myself nodding my head to quite a few of the stories since I have experienced portions of it.
A while back I actually did some research on family dynamics and found that family estrangement is actually not that uncommon. There are many people who are not close to their families, but holiday ads make you think otherwise and make you feel odd for not being close.

As for me, coming from an African household where family was EVERYTHING, it was extremely hard to make the decision to limit contact with some family members but when you have members in your family who
-Believe that your entire existence is to serve them
-Take you for granted
-Take and take from you
-Steal from you
-Are jealous of you
-Compete with you
-Deliberately try to steer you down the wrong path
-Gossip about you
-Steal your girlfriend/boyfriend
-Disregard and disrespect you
-Abuse you.
-Turn their eyes away when you're suffering

Then there's a problem (now, not all of these happened to me, but many of them). Family members should nurture and support you, not leave you agitated, worried, abandoned or worse off. I was maintaining a code of making the family look good outside, meanwhile inside I was hurting. I had to cut off some of those people to save myself and I must admit it was hard to do. I felt like I was betraying the code, but overall, I feel a lot more peaceful since I made that choice.

[jprich0000]

I like the saying " God gave us friends to apologize for family" ......or something like that, lol