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I rarely talk to my brother even though we are close in age and not estranged. Like Sonic Spork, we just don’t have much to talk about with each other due to having different lifestyles and priorities.
Visits occur rarely, measured in intervals of years. We do live very far apart, so that is part of it. However, even if we lived within 500 miles of each other, I doubt we would get together more than once or twice a year.
I am the oldest and only girl. I have two younger brothers. One is adopted and is half Korean, and we adopted him when he was nearly three and I was nearly six. The other is ten years younger than me and is my full biological brother.
To further complicate things, my mother was mentally ill and my dad was totally an enabler of her mental health issues, including going along with her not being treated for that mental illness, and him shielding her as much as possible from ramifications of that mental illness (bipolar 1 disorder). Also, my youngest brother is seriously mentally ill (bipolar 1 and schizophrenia). These manifested when he was a late teen but he was always what I would call "off."
Nowadays, my parents would almost certainly not pass the rigorous background checks of an international adoption but in the 60s there was less of a procedure.
Anyway, I was thrilled with the adoption and my new little brother. There was a language barrier at first but for two kids, that didn't much matter. He and I always got along well and still do to this day. We are both in our fifties now and he has a very serious form of cancer. We talk several times a week. Prior to his fight with cancer, we talked about once a month. He lives several states away and has for decades. I really, really like his wife - she and I have always gotten along well. In fact, she is older than him and people nearly always assume that we are sisters - we look and act very much alike and have many common interests and enjoy hanging out when we get the chance. And of course, my brother and I do not look alike since he is half Korean and I am not!
Neither of us is close to our youngest brother, who wreaked havoc on our lives and on relationships and our family till he finally snapped so sensationally in his forties, that he was arrested and involuntarily committed and in the state he was in, they had a program which treated the mentally ill and if they complete five years in that program, their record is expunged. So he did that and is still receiving treatment.
Our parents died in the last three years, and due to distance and my brothers' illnesses, I was their main caregiver. But I talked more with my brothers over those years and neither of them seemed to be ungrateful or take me for granted, which I really appreciated and still do. I understand why they were not as involved in our parents' care. But I have become closer to my youngest brother through this and now that he is finally in a treatment plan. I am still not as close to him though as I am to my middle brother and I probably never will be because he is only about half way compliant with a treatment plan and well, he's seriously mentally ill and that makes it hard to have a balanced, adult to adult relationship - plus he's done our relationship a lot of harm over the decades, especially when he was untreated, an adult, and was busy manipulating our parents while I watched from the sidelines occasionally yelling out "Y'all do know he's mentally ill, right?" But he and my mother, who was also seriously mentally ill, manipulated and totally jacked up my dad, working together, along with anyone else who said, "Hey. You need help." SCORCHED EARTH POLICY whenever anyone said that, and my enabling, increasingly miserable dad just dug a deeper and deeper dysfunctional hole for himself - and I refused to join him there. And my middle brother said "To heck with all this," and moved far away from them. I don't blame him. Adults have to build their own lives.
So now, both parents are gone, and we each live in different states, and I only see my mentally ill brother about once a year but I talk with him several times a month. He keeps trying to finagle his way into a situation where I take Mom's place as his emotional support and Dad's place as his financial support but I refuse to do that - good thing I learned all about healthy boundaries - finally - when I was in my thirties! So I don't go there, but it's not for his lack of trying! I talk with my middle brother several times a week now, but if it wasn't for his illness, I'd probably talk with him a few times a month too. I go visit him about once a quarter. We are closer now than we have been in the past but we've been through a lot emotionally over the past few years together. Also I like his wife so much and I want to be there for her too emotionally. The last time I went to see them, he was so sick and tired from the chemo but he kept saying "Your sister will be home soon though and she will keep you entertained!" I finally said, "I didn't come here to be entertained - I just came here to be with people I love, but you're right - I love her too and can't wait to see her!" She and I will talk the hind legs off a billy goat as the saying goes!
I almost never speak to my brother. He and I are just too different. I'm the responsible one, yet he is the one who has a family. He's impulsive, selfish, and lacks self awareness. Not interested in becoming a better husband/father. Its a shame. I only speak to him to stay in touch with my niece. If it weren't for her, we'd have no relationship. Shame since he's the only remaining immediate family member.
I almost never speak to my brother. He and I are just too different. I'm the responsible one, yet he is the one who has a family. He's impulsive, selfish, and lacks self awareness. Not interested in becoming a better husband/father. Its a shame. I only speak to him to stay in touch with my niece. If it weren't for her, we'd have no relationship. Shame since he's the only remaining immediate family member.
I'm a single child and both of my parents are gone. I have literally no one besides Mrs. Chow. She has two brothers, used to be three as one of them has since passed away and she talks to them but not every day or even every week for that matter. When I was growing up I always assumed that siblings would stay in touch or be friendly toward each other throughout life.
As I've gotten older I've seen and heard of plenty of people that flat out dislike their siblings and have nothing to do with them. I think it's probably a bit more common that people like me would assume or think.
It's a shame that we can't hang out with her brother more often, the one that lives here locally. His wife is just unpleasant to be around for any length of time. The three of us can have a good time and have a similar sense of humor but his wife, she is just a buzzkill of the highest order. I think she's got a touch of anti-personality disorder, or sociopath in her, I'm not sure what the current term for it is these days.
Everytime we're around her at family functions I feel like I need to bathe, she just wallows in negativity. Can't tell a story without it having something bad in it. She's actually pretty slick, she initially comes off friendly and outgoing, but again, she's just no fun to be around.
I'm a single child and both of my parents are gone. I have literally no one besides Mrs. Chow. She has two brothers, used to be three as one of them has since passed away and she talks to them but not every day or even every week for that matter. When I was growing up I always assumed that siblings would stay in touch or be friendly toward each other throughout life.
As I've gotten older I've seen and heard of plenty of people that flat out dislike their siblings and have nothing to do with them. I think it's probably a bit more common that people like me would assume or think.
It's a shame that we can't hang out with her brother more often, the one that lives here locally. His wife is just unpleasant to be around for any length of time. The three of us can have a good time and have a similar sense of humor but his wife, she is just a buzzkill of the highest order. I think she's got a touch of anti-personality disorder, or sociopath in her, I'm not sure what the current term for it is these days.
Everytime we're around her at family functions I feel like I need to bathe, she just wallows in negativity. Can't tell a story without it having something bad in it. She's actually pretty slick, she initially comes off friendly and outgoing, but again, she's just no fun to be around.
I'm sure plenty of people have said the same about me, especially right after my divorce. Now I live in a place I hate, so I try to catch myself when sounding negative about where I live. Its not easy. At least I'm aware I guess. But in general I wouldn't call myself a buzzkill. People seem to enjoy being around me when I'm relaxed and not stuck in my head.
I'm sure plenty of people have said the same about me, especially right after my divorce. Now I live in a place I hate, so I try to catch myself when sounding negative about where I live. Its not easy. At least I'm aware I guess. But in general I wouldn't call myself a buzzkill. People seem to enjoy being around me when I'm relaxed and not stuck in my head.
People can mention some negative things during conversation is just not harping on it constantly. Most people in life are reasonable and can have interesting conversations. That at least has been my experiences, generally speaking. I have a co-worker that I've been lamenting about here on CD lately because the guy drives me nuts and if I didn't have deal with him outside of work I don't and don't plan on it in the future. He's such a conversational bore, drones on and on about the most obscure boring crap. I constantly have to try and change the subject when he gets going.
This guy is so lacking in self-awareness and he just doesn't have a clue that he's one of those types that people try to avoid and not be like.
I mention him because he is a buzzkill. I don't get the sense that you'd be a buzzkill in real life.
People can mention some negative things during conversation is just not harping on it constantly. Most people in life are reasonable and can have interesting conversations. That at least has been my experiences, generally speaking. I have a co-worker that I've been lamenting about here on CD lately because the guy drives me nuts and if I didn't have deal with him outside of work I don't and don't plan on it in the future. He's such a conversational bore, drones on and on about the most obscure boring crap. I constantly have to try and change the subject when he gets going.
This guy is so lacking in self-awareness and he just doesn't have a clue that he's one of those types that people try to avoid and not be like.
I mention him because he is a buzzkill. I don't get the sense that you'd be a buzzkill in real life.
Thanks for that. I remember you mentioning him before. I'd stab my eyes out working with a guy like that. There's a guy I work with who is similar, and I just avoid him. I know you can't do that with your coworker. I've been around a lot of people like your coworker. I'm probably too much in the opposite direction at work, not engaging in much small talk except with one guy who I consider a good friend. Self awareness (for me) came from a lot of reading about emotional intelligence, therapy, and relationship failures. But you have to have the desire for self improvement and most people don't at all.
Thanks for that. I remember you mentioning him before. I'd stab my eyes out working with a guy like that. There's a guy I work with who is similar, and I just avoid him. I know you can't do that with your coworker. I've been around a lot of people like your coworker. I'm probably too much in the opposite direction at work, not engaging in much small talk except with one guy who I consider a good friend. Self awareness (for me) came from a lot of reading about emotional intelligence, therapy, and relationship failures. But you have to have the desire for self improvement and most people don't at all.
I just got in from lunch with this guy and he was droning on and on about the finer points of self-driving cars. I don't know how we even get into these subjects, next thing I know he's been droning on and on and I feel like saying "you know, I couldn't give a F" about that subject, but I have to sorta just suck it up. I work so closely with him. If I had known how glued to the hip I'd be with this guy I might have had some reservation about working at this company. I made a career shift last year and I need to get some experience on my resume with this new job title. Damn this guy makes it hard. Some days are easier than others.
I'm at times preoccupied with not being a bore when I talk with people, this guy, not a thought in the world about droning on and on about some obscure boing subjects. Doesn't occur to him. I've seen him in meetings and interacting with others and I can see the glazed over bored look on peoples faces. Nope, he doesn't get it.
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