Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I know it's not in my nature, but my GF and I are coupling a vacation with the wedding, so at this point the wedding is just something we are going to do in the middle of the vacation. I'm going to tell my brother that I can't because we have other plans and our schedule is tight. I doubt he will ask, but at this point I am going to put our vacation, time with my GF and my stress level first.
PERFECT!! Hope we get a pic or two...and yes, it'll be a nice break for you both...especially without her mama, your bro, strange family...you deserve it!
That's a great plan! Hope the trip is fun & enjoyable for you & your partner! Wish I could remember the name/location, but in one of the main touristy street areas of Denver, I wandered off the path a bit and found a nice restaurant with a brick courtyard. Think the restaurant name was French for bicyle. But this was back in 2004 or so. I had a nice, leisurely lunch with a couple of glasses of wine and did some people watching. It was beautiful weather (summer) and the courtyard had pretty containers of flowers in it.
I just re-read this and I'm utterly confused. Yes, I think it is unacceptable for me to be late all the time, not to follow through on things I said I would do and to do things that would irritate or distrub people that I live with. Am I supposed to find this acceptable? Where I come from, this is common courtesy. I'm thinking that if you worked all day and were tired and I came home and started banging pots and pans and watching TV on the loudest setting, you might not find my behavior so acceptable either. Or, if you tell me you are starving and I'm supposed to meet you for dinner at a certain time and I show up an hour and half late, that might be a bit unacceptable also? But people seem to do this all the time.
From another thread, I came to the conclusion that people behave this way because they really don't know any better, what's frustrating to me is that I do know better. Like with my current MIL situation and her blasting the TV all the time, I don't do that to her. She always says how she never knows if I'm home or not, that's because I don't make noise like her. My parents taught me it was rude to be in the house making noise at all times of the day.
I recall stating that people can be inconsiderate, unmindful and rude, I stated that because I believe it to be true.
I don't know that you're supposed to find such behavior acceptable but you titled your thread, "is it me or them?" perhaps your point was to really say, "it's not me, it's them and here's why" because you then give an outline of how considerate you always are. You may be, and if so good for you, perhaps others can learn from it. When the behaviors of others frustrate us to the point that we state and then qualify--(if you will) our own behavior--then we have a problem independant of what others are doing. As you live and learn you'll become less confused about it
I'm guilty of the late thing - the problem is, I have to depend on others for driving and then "they" run late so it's a domino effect - I feel I can't say anything b/c they're helping me out. Your post made me think about saying 15 minutes earlier to everyone. Probably not a bad idea.
I just thought of a family wedding we went to last September. I'm in Florida; it was in California. Our daughter wanted to rent a 3 or 4 bedroom house and have 10 people split it. Since most of my nieces and nephews are all in their 20's, I decided to just let my daughter handle the whole thing.
(There are 4 of us - mom, dad, brother, daughter)
Five days before the wedding, people started dropping out. Again, I just told my daughter - you can handle it; it's good experience. Well, as it turned out, the place was totally amazing - our family ended up just staying there by ourselves and we had such a nice, very unexpected time. (It was also quite funny that several others visited us there and were quite upset at cancelling b/c where they were staying was quite travelled and run down).
At the end of the trip, she was so gracious to everyone and to us and told us how much she enjoyed the whole time. So, it was worth it.
(It was worth it for a lot of other reasons b/c 10 days after arriving home, we had horrible news - so we'll always such a good memory of this nice, unexpected time).
I just realized something after reading another thread and from my personal situation. Because of the way my parents raised me or my genetics or whatever, I am very respectful of other people in many ways: I am always on time, in fact for me on time means 5 minutes early; I always show up if I say I will be somewhere; I always come through on my promises; I always help if needed for friends and family sacrificing my own time; I am always respectful of people I live with, most of the time you won't even know I'm in the house; I do nice things for friends for birthdays and other occasions etc.
My problem is that as I meet more people and get a little older most of the people are completely not like this and this is becoming very frustrating to the point that I don't want to do anything with people. I don't have any friends where we are living now and if my GF is working, I just hang out by myself. I've thought of checking out a club or something, but I never do because I just don't want to listen to people talk about themselves, be late and never reciprocate anything I do for them. We met another couple, the girl works with my GF and they are cool and fun to hang out with, but the last two times we invited them over, they cancelled on us at the last minute because they didn't feel like leaving the house, so now we don't invite them over.
My family is the same story. We are going to my brother's wedding and he lives far away from me. I asked if he could do two things for me, he said he doesn't have time and it's on me to take care of what I need. Fine whatever! I would have never said that to him if the situation was reversed, I would have done whatever I could to make the experience better for him. My parents are the same way. I always went out of my way to help them when my youngest brother was small, babysitting and other things. It so turns out that we are getting to Denver for my brother's wedding at the same time as them. My mother offered a ride from the airport, and when I tried to confirm with her last week, she first off forgot she did this and now says that they'll "think about it." WTF.
Does anyone else feel this way? I just feel like I should be like this then too, since everyone else, self absorbed with no respect!
I'm in a similar canundrum...after 23 years extended family surfaces two days ago...all I can worry about is 'what's wrong and what do they want me to do about it'... I feel like a horrible person. Maybe we'll figure all this out together, huh?
Koale
I just realized something after reading another thread and from my personal situation. Because of the way my parents raised me or my genetics or whatever, I am very respectful of other people in many ways: I am always on time, in fact for me on time means 5 minutes early; I always show up if I say I will be somewhere; I always come through on my promises; I always help if needed for friends and family sacrificing my own time; I am always respectful of people I live with, most of the time you won't even know I'm in the house; I do nice things for friends for birthdays and other occasions etc.
My problem is that as I meet more people and get a little older most of the people are completely not like this and this is becoming very frustrating to the point that I don't want to do anything with people. I don't have any friends where we are living now and if my GF is working, I just hang out by myself. I've thought of checking out a club or something, but I never do because I just don't want to listen to people talk about themselves, be late and never reciprocate anything I do for them. We met another couple, the girl works with my GF and they are cool and fun to hang out with, but the last two times we invited them over, they cancelled on us at the last minute because they didn't feel like leaving the house, so now we don't invite them over.
My family is the same story. We are going to my brother's wedding and he lives far away from me. I asked if he could do two things for me, he said he doesn't have time and it's on me to take care of what I need. Fine whatever! I would have never said that to him if the situation was reversed, I would have done whatever I could to make the experience better for him. My parents are the same way. I always went out of my way to help them when my youngest brother was small, babysitting and other things. It so turns out that we are getting to Denver for my brother's wedding at the same time as them. My mother offered a ride from the airport, and when I tried to confirm with her last week, she first off forgot she did this and now says that they'll "think about it." WTF.
Does anyone else feel this way? I just feel like I should be like this then too, since everyone else, self absorbed with no respect!
You sound very commendable. Your Mother raised you, and she did a good job. Perhaps they don't want to have to drive you around the whole time you're there in Denver...Maybe having your own rental car would be best. Don't let this ruin your good time w/ family on a special occasion.
You sound very commendable. Your Mother raised you, and she did a good job. Perhaps they don't want to have to drive you around the whole time you're there in Denver...Maybe having your own rental car would be best. Don't let this ruin your good time w/ family on a special occasion.
Perhaps she didn't expect that...and she's already solved that issue. I'm wondering if you actually read her post on her solution.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
People are so busy these days....
oh, I just don't know...
