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Yes, you are overreacting. I ask because I like to know who I'm talking to.
Perfectly illustrating why some don't like being asked that question Why wouldn't you just ask about what they do for fun or on the weekends if yo uwant to know who you are talking to? I'm sure knowing that someone loves hiking, tennis, and running will tell you a lot more than knowing they are some office drone.
I remember one time going out for a happy hour with some coworkers and one woman stopped someone who started talking about work, "if this is going to be all about work, I am leaving". When you're in a social situation many just don't want to talk/think about work.
For some reason I feel the need to point out that talking about work during happy hour with colleagues you just spent the day with at work is QUITE different from describing your job to someone you JUST met.
Certain occupations certainly should dread this question the most, I guess. I can understand how physicians would want to avoid being asked for a diagnosis by a stranger while standing over the dip bowl at a party, but interacting with others requires that you develop ways to get out of situations like that also.
For some reason I feel the need to point out that talking about work during happy hour with colleagues you just spent the day with at work is QUITE different from describing your job to someone you JUST met.
Certain occupations certainly should dread this question the most, I guess. I can understand how physicians would want to avoid being asked for a diagnosis by a stranger while standing over the dip bowl at a party, but interacting with others requires that you develop ways to get out of situations like that also.
This is all very true and makes a big difference in how we're discussing this.
The work I do makes me extra susceptible to wannabees and climbers so I am completely prepared with creative, respectful ways of answering the question in such a way as to keep the conversation going nicely.
At the same time, I do especially enjoy when (using the happy hour example above) there's an unwritten agreement not to discuss work when in certain settings. It can be a relief. But this doesn't apply to parties where you're meeting new people.
Perfectly illustrating why some don't like being asked that question Why wouldn't you just ask about what they do for fun or on the weekends if yo uwant to know who you are talking to? I'm sure knowing that someone loves hiking, tennis, and running will tell you a lot more than knowing they are some office drone.
What if they aren't an office drone?
What do I really learn about someone who says they like a certain hobby?
I ask these somewhat rhetorically because in most cases asking what one does for work is just as illustrative and appropriate of a topic.
it really depends who is doing the asking? if it's a person your trying to make friends with vs. the nosey neighbor or hairstylist, barber, grocery store clerk, salesman, etc
I prefer not to give out any private information to casual acquaintances , people or a stranger randomly meet in public, etc.
something Ive learned is knowledge is power and if you give out too much personal info it can come back to haunt you or they might use it against you later, never give out your weakness to a possible competition or enemy.
even a simple question about do you have a dog? what hours or days your home can be something a person planning to burglarize your home needs to know, I heard most burglaries are from people you know, use to know or live in your area, because they know everything about you already.
What is the fascination with this question? Is it to compare themselves to others? To "one-up" someone subtly? To be sure they're in your socio-economic class? Just to get the conversation flowing?
I dread the question because it is almost impossible for me to describe my job, let alone just give them the job title because it will mean nothing to 99.99% of the population. If I give the job title, they ask what, exactly do you do? It takes 10 minutes to even begin to describe it and I guarantee that they will still have no idea. I am not so sure that my manager even knows what I do.
what if you work for a bank like an armored car driver or work on the ATM machines? answering questions could put yourself in danger, especially for your own security, your not supposed to tell people about that kind of info, those nosey questions could be used for a bank heist.
for some occupations it's best to keep it to yourself
You're assuming they have ill intentions right off the bat. Frankly, it's not a question I frequently ask, but when at a loss for conversation topics, yes I will turn to it if someone has indicated that they are indeed fully employed. It often creates a foundation for a connection - just as any fact about a person can do. When people ask where I'm from, that comes loaded with a set of assumptions too, some of which are pretty insulting. But I don't tell them "Mars" because they might have ill intentions when they ask the question. Same with if they ask what I do with my free time or whatever. Or even where I vacation - Personally, I'm going to assume a lot more about the person who says they vacation regularly in Vegas than I would the person who tells me they work as a waitperson. ANYTHING you tell another person can come with a whole set of stereotypes and assumptions. And good lord, asking about work is far less invasive and disruptive than asking about someone's religion, politics or sexual habits. When did work get lumped in with that trifecta of verboten topics?
And if someone asks me what I do, what do I care if they're assessing my usefulness or judging me? If that's their gig, they're no one I'm going to have a meaningful acquaintance with and I will deflect them politely as I need to. They don't signify at that point.
By telling people you're a drug dealer or some other equally outrageous occupation, you're taking a jab at someone who - by your statements - is either socially inept (and therefore deserving of at least a little compassion rather than being made the butt of your joke) or someone who is pretty much beyond any help from a personality perspective and won't even really "get" the jab or care (or it will just add to their personal persecution complex). No matter how "humorously" you do it, you're still dismissing their question as unworthy of you. You're talking about creating a comfortable social situation for everyone in the room, but you're advocating going on the offensive when some poor social blunderer asks what he may very well think is a polite and well-intentioned question. You're advocating discomfitting the person in the room who most dearly needs to be put at ease.
And if someone's using it as the springboard to be an ass or take a boring turn to the conversation, what on earth is wrong with saying politely "I put a lot of energy into work during the week, and I'd rather not discuss my job in my free time; let's talk about something else" or something to that effect? If someone asks for free advice, you hand them your business card and tell them your office hours. And I hardly see why a "tradesman" should feel insecure in a room full of college grads. They ain't crapping rainbows.
I just think you assume the best about people until they show you their uglies. Then you act accordingly. You don't take a pre-emptive shot against someone because you think they might not be able to respond appropriately. I just think you should act in good faith until someone gives you reason not to.
I used to skirt the issue of where I did my undergrad degree because I thought it was an uncomfortable topic that came with a whole set of assumptions. Particularly given that some of my social circles skew heavily towards working class. Then I realized it was patronizing to treat it as a big secret and it made people feel like they had been duped or that I had not trusted them when they found out the truth later. I was assuming immaturity or insecurity on their part, when really it was my own immaturity and insecurity I needed to address. Yeah, maybe it would make someone uncomfortable, but if they can only see me through that lens, it was never going to be a very meaningful relationship anyway.
That's all nice, but it's also a bunch of rubbish. Heck, the very existence of this thread and the number of people who don't like to be asked this question puts paid to your argument. We're not a bunch of über-sensitive neurotics. We just think there are far better ways to know someone than asking what they do for a living.
For example, I bolded your proposed response to the question because it is actually a far more rude and dismissive response than mine. For while my response invites more conversation -- and lighthearted conversation at that -- yours basically is that of an affronted person. Say to someone, "I put a lot of energy into work during the week, and I'd rather not discuss my job in my free time; let's talk about something else" and they'll wonder what kind of stuck-up prig they're dealing with and excuse themselves. With that ham-handed turn of phrase, you basically told the person how rude he was for asking in so many words. And yet you're calling me out on my response? Holy cats. Do you even read what you write?
And as far as your misplaced egalitarianism about the use of the word 'tradesman' is concerned, that is based on actual experience. My next door neighbor for years was a master cabinet maker. An incredibly well-read, funny and accomplished man, he did amazing stuff. Yet, as he tells it, there are people in the world who, the moment they find out what he does for a living, tune him out. So he hates the "what do you do for a living" question. I mean, hell, my best friend is an attorney. A great guy, but he really gets tired of being asked for free legal advice every time a perfect stranger finds out what he does for a living. According to him it happens all the time.
The problem is that you can't imagine how the topic could cause issues for anyone, so you can't imagine why people don't want to discuss the subject without belittling the other person. So if someone would prefer not be drilled on their profession there must be something wrong with them.
What's more, the reading comprehension is really not being engaged here today, Jrz. As I said earlier, it's quite possible to dodge the question playfully without being either sarcastic, caustic, or insulting. Using gentle humor instead is a far better alternative to the inevitable awkwardness of having to discuss your profession one more time. At least that is the case for people with halfway competent social skills.
Good grief, it's a conversation starter, that's all.
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Why wouldn't you just ask about what they do for fun or on the weekends if yo uwant to know who you are talking to? I'm sure knowing that someone loves hiking, tennis, and running will tell you a lot more than knowing they are some office drone.
