Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think the bit of clinginess popped up the week before my friend left on vacation, and he's just now starting his third and final week of vacation. I talked to someone else about this: about whether I was being clingy and obsessive or if our relationship was normal. She thought I was just missing my friend. He was incredibly busy the week before he left which coupled with my worrying about him leaving for three weeks, probably made things worse. Which makes perfect sense. I saw the day before he left, and everything seemed normal. No tension, seemed like he was happy to see me. He's posting things on Facebook, but not replying to any chat messages while he's on vacation (though, he'll comment on people's statuses, strangely... Which is fine; I miss him greatly, but I've survived this long). However, he used to never talk to me when he was on vacation, and the past couple times he's been on shorter vacations (like over a weekend, a few days, up to a week; we've chatted). I talked to a mutual friend (the mutual friend gets to talk to and hang out with my close friend through mostly work stuff) about his take on our friend, and he thinks that I'm just as close friends with him as he is just on the opposite ends of the spectrum (meaning he's male and I'm female). But this friend also thinks my close friend has separate friendships with everyone he's friends with. Each person has a different experience being friends with him, and he does have a ton of friends. It's a huge balancing act for him. However, the mutual friend thought me and my close friend had an "interesting" relationship because we both speak so highly of each other, yet he never sees us hang out.
Like I've said earlier, I have friends my own age (even male friends my own age), but my older friend is the closest by a long shot.
He's not married, no kids, and is completely single (not even dating anyone). But trust me, I'm not and he's not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. I just know. But, is it really so bad to love someone for everything that they are and unconditionally? Because that's what this is. Maybe I'm just more open with my feelings about this. Besides, before he left on vacation, I went up to him and gave him a hug, and I told him, "I love you" (and this is 'love' in the friend sense). I've never said it in person before, and only through texts. He chuckled slightly, and replied warmly, "I love you, too". Which is actually the first time he's told me he loves me. I just think I've got something great going here. I usually don't smother him, and if I do, he has quite the temper, so he definitely doesn't stand for it, so he lets me know (but that has only happened once like 2 years ago).
Oh, and my father is fine and present in my life. No issues there.
CC, it sounds like you're willing to sacrifice---maybe "do without" is a better word choice---a romantic (i.e. sexual) relationship with someone else, regardless of their age, and you'd rather focus with your entire being on this man for the rest of your life. That's fine. If you're happy and your life is fulfilling to you, ROCK ON, SISTER ! Don't fret or obsess over this "platonic" relationship (or whatever anyone else says or thinks) and accept what little part of his life he's able to give you. That's a helluva lot more "joy and happiness" than a lot of people experience in their lives.
Quite the contrary, I'm totally open to a romantic relationship with someone. There have been people I've tried to ask out, but I'm turned down, and I've actually never been on a date. Not even online dating has worked for me (and, yes, I'm actively trying at it). I've just decided, it'll happen if/when it happens. And this isn't because I only focus my life on my one friend. I am around a lot of different people and socialize and hang out with them (though, right now I don't have that opportunity, but it'll happen again in the coming months). And, I'm definitely not the type of person to grab my friends and head to the bar to try to pick up a guy. I'm very introverted, and don't drink anyway. Plus, the partying/drinking types are not for me.
And I don't just sit around all day focusing my entire being on this man. As I've said, I have a life, I keep very busy myself most of the time. I do things that I want to do for myself most of the time. That means going out to eat, shopping, seeing a movie, preparing a home cooked meal, working out, seeing a play, just hanging out at home, etc. 99% of the time I don't even think to call up my friend to go out because I know he has his own life and wouldn't have time for it anyway. To hang out with him, it has to be planned. Like I've said, I'm surprised the man can find time to sleep. I don't just drop things I'm doing to cater to his every whim either. He doesn't ask me for much, but if I can't do something with him because I've got other plans, I just tell him I can't do whatever it is because I'm doing something else. If I text him and he's busy and doesn't respond right away? No biggie. I know from experience it usually takes an hour or two for him to respond to stuff. Even when that time frame passes, I'm usually too busy to notice that it already has, and maybe I send him another text that evening or something (if there's something to say). I've set a limit of 3 texts a day if he doesn't respond (and these texts are spaced out through the day; not at one time), and I really try to stick to that limit. The only time I get antsy is if he hasn't talked to me for a few days. I'm even satisfied if I get one text from him a day (which is normally what happens when he's super busy). Sure, I wish it could be more, but if he's busy, he's busy.
CC, the more you post, the more we learn about the situation...........and you. (You've come a long way since that very first post. )
I think you have the situation well in hand. You sound mature and thoughtful and open minded to everything else waiting for you in the future. I think you could have a great life.
Nothing wrong with friends of all ages. But, unless you are interested in romantic relationship, you should make sure you are clear about being "just" friends. Older folks usually consider that much attention more than friendship, especially since you said you are demanding and not understanding of his busy schedule. What has happened is you've leaned on him to the point that you are becoming dependent on him. That is all wll and good, if you ar both on the same page re: your relationship....friends or more than friends?? One thing to be aware of, you are in a vulnerable state re: your emotions. Losing both your GMas, and your mother's illness.....chances are that you would have stronger relationships with folks your age if you invested the same amount of time with them as you do this guy. And, if this guy is married, you should back off completely.
Nothing wrong with friends of all ages. But, unless you are interested in romantic relationship, you should make sure you are clear about being "just" friends. Older folks usually consider that much attention more than friendship, especially since you said you are demanding and not understanding of his busy schedule. What has happened is you've leaned on him to the point that you are becoming dependent on him. That is all wll and good, if you ar both on the same page re: your relationship....friends or more than friends?? One thing to be aware of, you are in a vulnerable state re: your emotions. Losing both your GMas, and your mother's illness.....chances are that you would have stronger relationships with folks your age if you invested the same amount of time with them as you do this guy. And, if this guy is married, you should back off completely.
I would be very disappointed if that was true. I do not recall any hints of that so I'm assuming no.
FWIW - Some of the content of my posts on this thread were based on this from post #11:
Quote:
I certainly don't wish to enter into a romantic relationship with him, but other times that type of love feeling pops up too.
I don't think it is weird. I would love to have a friend like yours It's always nice to have someone older and wiser as a very close friend Saying it is weird to have a friend 25 years older than you is like saying it is weird to be friends with your aunt/uncles.. There really isn't a reason for it to be weird..
He's not married, not in a relationship, doesn't have kids. He also has several friends my age, so it's not just me (again, he's an EXTREMELY popular person). And, I've told him I only think of him as a friend many a time. Not because he's tried to come onto me or something like that, just because I'm so expressive with my emotions and feelings. He laughs at me even thinking that needs saying (like duh, Captain Obvious). He's never tried to come on to me, and I've never tried to come onto him. This is strictly platonic friendship with no desire from either of us to go further than that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
)
