People who don't say thank you (wedding, money, father, person)

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

You're entirely missing the point. That person thought enough of you to give you something. What it was is really immaterial.

No you are missing my point. This person sent me something I made clear from the start I didn't want but they still sent it anyway completely disregarding my wishes. What if they had sent something I just don't have room for, AFTER I told them I didn't have the room? Oh, I'll call them up to say some , none of it being thank you.

[CSD610]

Originally Posted by LoriBee62

I recently inherited a collection of polished stones from my grandfather who died decades ago. No one in the family was interested in taking them, and because I have a business selling crafts I make, I wanted them. It didn't seem right to me to just take all these rocks and sell them, despite the fact that my family had the option of taking some and passed. So what I did was make necklaces, Christmas ornaments and sun catchers out of the best of the lot. I then sent out one of each to all my sisters, cousins and their children with a note containing a little story about where the trinket came from and the family connection. There were 13 packages in all.

I am Facebook friends with every single person who got a package, and all of us post several times a week. So first let me say, it is not difficult for any of these people to get in touch with me. But here's the response I got:

1 person sent me a written thank you card
2 people sent me e-mails the day they received the package
3 people posted a thank you on my Facebook page within a few days of getting the package

That leaves 7 people who have received the package (it's been more than 2 weeks now), who post on Facebook all the time, who have not said a solitary thing about receiving the gift, much less a thank you for receiving it.

I don't think I'm so much hurt or angry at not receiving an acknowledgment as I am dumfounded. I just can't fathom receiving something and not even so much as putting a note on Facebook saying thanks. Heck, even if I hated it, I would lie and say thank you under the rule, "It was the thought that counts."

What do you think about this? Am I missing something? I won't say it's a generational thing because two of the people who didn't say thank you at all are my sisters who are both in their 60's.

I think those who did not respond are missing the fact that you did this to get accolades and acknowledgement not because you wanted to do something nice whether you got recognition or not.

[Cida]

I think that Miss Manners (Judith Martin) has a good ploy for this, but I can't remember what it is.

Maybe something like sending a (mailed) note saying something like, "I'm filing an official complaint with the post office, but I just want to double-check first on your address, to make sure I have it right. I sent you a very lovely gift that I was so sure you'd like, and I'm so unhappy to think that the post office lost it."

I don't supposed you insured the packages?

[LoriBee62]

Originally Posted by CSD610

I think those who did not respond are missing the fact that you did this to get accolades and acknowledgement not because you wanted to do something nice whether you got recognition or not.

No. The reason I did it was because I inherited my grandfather's rock collection that I plan to sell as part of my business. However, before all of Grandpa's rocks are sold to strangers, I wanted to make sure the collection was shared with all his surviving grandchildren and great-grandchildren. If it weren't for the family connection, if my aunt gave me a bunch of rocks she'd received from a neighbor, I would not have given anything to anyone.

Also, I think I reiterated in my original post that I'm not really hurt to not receive thanks. I just find it odd as I would never receive a gift without saying thanks. I'm trying to put myself in the place of someone else and I just can't do it. Folks on this thread have been very helpful in helping me understand the mindset of people who do take gifts without offering thanks.

[kokonutty]

Good manners would have one acknowledge all gifts.
Not everyone has good manners.
Not everyone likes crafty items.
Many said they didn't want the stones.
Gifting items to relieve oneself of insecurity in selling family heirlooms is not a good idea.
Being offended for not receiving thanks for insignificant gifts is going overboard.
Being offended after waiting only two weeks for a thank you is premature.
Posting on CD about family members' manners is rude.

[diddlydudette]

Originally Posted by Zeurich

I understand your story exactly, some times I wonder too,, why people are like that. For me it is not a big deal to say thank you even I don't like what I got

Me too and it makes me not want to do as much for them if they don't appreciate anything. I know you shouldn't do things to get a thanks but still.

[LoriBee62]

On this topic of people getting something they said they didn't want, I should probably clarify:

Of the 13 people I sent packages to, only 4 were there at the time to agree they weren't interested in the rocks and I could have them. They'd all thought my plan for them was cool and that Grandpa would have liked it. Of those 4, two sent me thank-you's. So really, of the 7 who never responded, only 2 of those are people who had said they weren't interested. And even then it wasn't the "because I hate rocks" type situation people are making it out to be. They simply all thought I would be the best grandkid to inherit them.

I'm not discounting that some who never responded may have done so because they received something they didn't want/like. But I think this issue of people not responding because they'd already said they didn't want them is getting a little too overblown. That's my bad for even including that in my OP. Unfortunately, when we put these things up here, we don't always realize what nuggets people are going to run with.

[Summerwhale]

Did you not know? People care about themselves these days. They would sink you no sooner..

It really does get on my nerves when people can't reply or speak for even a few seconds yet they have the time to reply to comments/lurk on Facebook.

[LoriBee62]

Originally Posted by diddlydudette

Me too and it makes me not want to do as much for them if they don't appreciate anything. I know you shouldn't do things to get a thanks but still.

Yes, I've never given anything to anyone expecting thanks for it (that would be my MIL ). And I'm sorry if my posts are giving people that impression. I love dearly every family member who received one, and I would send it again. No regrets.

Mostly, it's just the concept of receiving an unexpected gift then not so much as getting on FB and acknowledging that they got it. I find it more weird than upsetting.

[MMorena]

This use to bother me a lot and to an extent it still does, because it can be shocking to see how self involved some people are. I use to get really annoyed if I held the door open for someone and they didn't say thank you or show any sort of gratitude from me holding the door open--I mean I could of slammed it in their face Hahaha but then I came across an article that talked just about that, and the author's point of view was this:

"You'd do it anyway, wouldn't you?"

And that really got me thinking, the act of love and compassion is what is really at root when you show generosity to another, and expecting "thank you" at the end of it--even if out of habit--can ruin the purity and spirit of it.

*Now of course, if you are on the receiving end of a kind act, it is up to you to remember to be thoughtful and say it back. But we can't dictate another person's level of awareness, we can only dictate our own.*