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Single men are being harshly discriminated by society not just in social situation but also in work environment, especially when they are at an age which they "should have been" married with children. If still not, then they will most likely be perceived almost automatically as "not interested in the opposite sex", "having issues with women", "having problem with commitment", "antisocial", somehow mysteriously dangerous to people, perhaps "having mental issues" or worse, God forbid, having some really sinister fetish. In short, a terrible social outcast in the eyes of the married majority.
Tragic enough, single men with a promiscuous life style, a womanizer in other words, would be letting off the hook much easier. People would simply think that "he doesn't want to settle down yet and just want to have some more fun with girls". Unfortunately, it is the quiet single men who try to lead a clean and morally pure life that seem to get all the abuses, for people would misjudge them and think that "he is not acting normal", "he must be hiding something", " something must be seriously wrong with him", or "he must be one of those XXX (whatever the worst kind of offenders one can think of)", etc.
In a work environment, thing is just as worse for single men. They are more often not being taken seriously, as they are perceived by their married colleagues and supervisors unjustly as being "immature", "not yet a man", "having problem with commitment", "unable to handle big responsibility", "still sitting on the fence", etc. Male colleagues would think of them as homosexuals (mind you, I'm not homophobic), while female colleagues would think of them as some kind of devious creeps who are probably having some twisted fantasies of them.
Such is the poor reality for many single men out there. It is incredibly difficult to be a single man these day without being brutally discriminated, worse still for a middle-age single man. There are so much prejudices and injustice toward this particular group of people. However, I've notice that things are much different for single women. I'm not suggesting that they too should receive the same abuses as that endured by single men. I find that society in general is being grossly unfair toward the male sex when it comes to marry status.
I also find that today society is far more closed mind and oppressive. Herd mentality has sadly overtaken the brilliance of individual mind that allows the society to flourish in the first place. Individuality is constantly being suppressed and punished as if people were afraid of it. People are exceedingly terrified of being criticized publicly for having their own thoughts and opinions, so much so that they would deliberately prefer to self-censor themselves rather than expressing truthfully. This is especially true in a small city where people are living in clusters and cross-influencing each other dramatically.
Anyway, back to the problem of being a single man. Why are they being discriminated so unjustly? Why the abuses? I just don't get it.
I could see that in rural areas, but not in any decent sized city.
It is really a blessing to be living in a truly free and democratic society, where most people are polite, civilized, tolerant, open-minded, encouraged to think independently, and allowed to express their opinions, beliefs and individuality freely without the fear of being suppressed, criticized and punished for what they are and who they are.
I don't mean the kind of society where freedom and democracy are only a mirage, a facade, a camouflage in a greater free world, which is really just a thin disguise for intolerance, xenophobia and discrimination; the kind of society in which public pressure, public criticism and public humiliation are routinely applied as means of thought control, tool of suppression and retaliation; also the kind of society in which herd mentality is actively encouraged and promoted as a rewarding social norm: more people think and behave alike, the better.
I wish that this type of close-minded and close-ended society will one day be abandoned, as more and more people realize that it is simply not a flourishing environment for great prosperity and positive social-economic development. This type of backward mentality only belongs to some past culture in the 60's. It has absolutely no place in the modern society which progress and development are the main focus.
No one should dwell in the past and constantly look back to the past for future guidance, especially when the past was nothing but failure. Everyone must look forward and modernize himself in every way possible for the prosperous, free and democratic future, a better place for the future generations.
OP, may I suggest you read this book: Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored and Still Live Happily Ever After by Bella DePaulo, PhD.
From the publisher: Drawing from decades of scientific research and stacks of stories from the front lines of singlehood, Bella DePaulo debunks the myths of singledom — and shows that just about everything you’ve heard about the benefits of getting married and the perils of staying single are grossly exaggerated or just plain wrong. Although singles are singled out for unfair treatment by the workplace, the marketplace, and the federal tax structure, they are not simply victims of this singlism--single people really are living happily ever after.
What? You may be treated different by women younger than you, but if you are in your 30s you are often treated very well by older women, especially women that are in their late 20s through 40s.
A single man without kids and no ex wife baggage becomes a unicorn, something that plenty of women are looking for but never seem to find.
I know several men that are in bad marriages that are actually jealous of guys like you, they will admit (usually when drunk) that they would prefer to just be left alone, no phone calls, no wives harassing them, just work and spend the rest of their time doing what they want to do.
However if you have confidence issues, or are abnormally quiet people are going to talk badly about you regardless of whether you are 10 or 50, whether you are married or not.
Yep. A lot of people secretly wish they were single, are unhappy with their relationship/marriage, so they project that onto the single people around them. Don't take it personally, just laugh knowing how good you've got it. You've got it so good people secretly loathe you for it.
And of course if you act like a weirdo, then people will think you are a weirdo. Be friendly, basically.
OP, may I suggest you read this book: Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored and Still Live Happily Ever After by Bella DePaulo, PhD.
From the publisher: Drawing from decades of scientific research and stacks of stories from the front lines of singlehood, Bella DePaulo debunks the myths of singledom — and shows that just about everything you’ve heard about the benefits of getting married and the perils of staying single are grossly exaggerated or just plain wrong. Although singles are singled out for unfair treatment by the workplace, the marketplace, and the federal tax structure, they are not simply victims of this singlism--single people really are living happily ever after.
And this topic has EVERYTHING to do with the break down of the family unit.
Because of the discrimination of men....children are being raised in single parent homes without the guidance and leadership of a strong man.
Male presence makes all the difference in the world.
If you cannot see the see the pressure that is being put on single men...then you buddy must be living in a bubble.
How many young men have you mentored? If you really want to know more about this topic first hand....do some mentoring.
"Children". Boys and girls, both. And whose fault is that? What's with all the deadbeat dads? That's not about discrimination, that's just plain abandonment.
Yep. A lot of people secretly wish they were single, are unhappy with their relationship/marriage, so they project that onto the single people around them. Don't take it personally, just laugh knowing how good you've got it. You've got it so good people secretly loathe you for it.
And of course if you act like a weirdo, then people will think you are a weirdo. Be friendly, basically.
I totally agree. It's like if you go outside of the so-called normal pattern (date, marry, have kids (at least two), become grandparents) some people think you're crazy or weird. We're all expected to live the same cookie cutter lifestyle.
The way the OP has expressed it, I don't buy. There's no discrimination that I can see aside from taxes.
What is fact though, is that there is a shock when you tell people that you're not married and have no children, if you're in your 30's-40's. There's no assumption of sexual preference; it's always the same answer: "you just haven't found the right one."
There's then an even bigger shock when you tell people you have no intentions of dating anymore. There's still no assumption of sexual preference. But the unicorn analogy is apt. You're viewed with awe and reverence by the females; envy and jealousy by the males.
Who would a single person be explaining all this to anyway? As a single man I would think that only a woman who is interested is asking me about my relationship status. A man should definitely not be asking anything unless he secretly swung the other way.
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I agree
