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The original intention of this thread was simply to illustrate the challenge of being a single man these days and start the conversation with fellow members of CD. But it'd inspired me unexpectedly to consider other things, other relevant things in today's society, and give the whole situation a deeper contemplation.
Things like freedom, democracy, human rights, right to privacy, freedom of speech and freedom of expression, etc. Perhaps I was influenced by certain movements taken place worldwide in the past year by people protesting and demanding for exactly that. I'm not usually a political person; I hardly follow politics at all. I must have been moved by the whole thing on a more profound level than I myself had realized. Most of these movements were over by now. I do want to take this opportunity to share some thoughts of mine on the subject.
For one thing, freedom, democracy, human rights, right to privacy, freedom of speech and freedom of expression, etc., though precious, are not some valuable personal belongings which are possessed by few individuals alone. These are universal things which belong to absolutely everyone within the society. They are the kind of things that either everybody has them or no one has them at all. They are not privileges granted to a selected group of people; they are God given rights.
They must keep in mind that when they fight they must not think that they are just fighting for themselves; they are actually fighting for everyone in the society, strangers who are in front of, behind and beside them. Those who are demanding and fighting for these basic human requirements must fully understand this fundamental principle or risk certain failure.
Their objective will never be achieved successfully if they only value their own freedom and rights, and willfully ignore the freedom and rights of their fellow men and women, or worse, they simply be indifferent when others are being abused and trampled over. Those who behave that way do not deserve to have their freedom and rights respected indeed.
There will never be real freedom and democracy, not until absolutely everyone in the society has learned how to value, respect, protect and defend the rights of others, not just their own. People will always be like a bucket of loose sand, and never be able to achieve anything if they fail to observe this basic principle.
That is just my humble observation and opinion regarding the subject. I thought it healthy mentally to be just a little bit political once in a while. Perhaps a good way to close the year 2014.
Last edited by R. Crusoe; 12-24-2014 at 10:28 PM..
Who would a single person be explaining all this to anyway? As a single man I would think that only a woman who is interested is asking me about my relationship status. A man should definitely not be asking anything unless he secretly swung the other way.
Casual conversation almost always results in "are you married/do you have any kids?" question. Sexual preference has nothing to do with the question.
Proud fathers in particular will ask if you have kids because they want to make a friend where the kids can hang out together. There's nothing wrong with that.
I don't agree that the same is true for women.
I've met plenty of very cool married women.
I've met plenty of very cool married women with kids.
I have NOT met any cool unmarried (meaning they're seeing someone but not married, or just single) women, nor any cool unmarried women with kids.
Single men are being harshly discriminated by society not just in social situation but also in work environment, especially when they are at an age which they "should have been" married with children. If still not, then they will most likely be perceived almost automatically as "not interested in the opposite sex", "having issues with women", "having problem with commitment", "antisocial", somehow mysteriously dangerous to people, perhaps "having mental issues" or worse, God forbid, having some really sinister fetish. In short, a terrible social outcast in the eyes of the married majority.
Tragic enough, single men with a promiscuous life style, a womanizer in other words, would be letting off the hook much easier. People would simply think that "he doesn't want to settle down yet and just want to have some more fun with girls". Unfortunately, it is the quiet single men who try to lead a clean and morally pure life that seem to get all the abuses, for people would misjudge them and think that "he is not acting normal", "he must be hiding something", " something must be seriously wrong with him", or "he must be one of those XXX (whatever the worst kind of offenders one can think of)", etc.
In a work environment, thing is just as worse for single men. They are more often not being taken seriously, as they are perceived by their married colleagues and supervisors unjustly as being "immature", "not yet a man", "having problem with commitment", "unable to handle big responsibility", "still sitting on the fence", etc. Male colleagues would think of them as homosexuals (mind you, I'm not homophobic), while female colleagues would think of them as some kind of devious creeps who are probably having some twisted fantasies of them.
Such is the poor reality for many single men out there. It is incredibly difficult to be a single man these day without being brutally discriminated, worse still for a middle-age single man. There are so much prejudices and injustice toward this particular group of people. However, I've notice that things are much different for single women. I'm not suggesting that they too should receive the same abuses as that endured by single men. I find that society in general is being grossly unfair toward the male sex when it comes to marry status.
I also find that today society is far more closed mind and oppressive. Herd mentality has sadly overtaken the brilliance of individual mind that allows the society to flourish in the first place. Individuality is constantly being suppressed and punished as if people were afraid of it. People are exceedingly terrified of being criticized publicly for having their own thoughts and opinions, so much so that they would deliberately prefer to self-censor themselves rather than expressing truthfully. This is especially true in a small city where people are living in clusters and cross-influencing each other dramatically.
Anyway, back to the problem of being a single man. Why are they being discriminated so unjustly? Why the abuses? I just don't get it.
Move to San Francisco. Here, being single is glorified. Not the most compatible environment for me, being married at 23, with a hubby who is absolutely baby crazy.
Casual conversation almost always results in "are you married/do you have any kids?" question. Sexual preference has nothing to do with the question.
Proud fathers in particular will ask if you have kids because they want to make a friend where the kids can hang out together. There's nothing wrong with that.
I don't agree that the same is true for women.
I've met plenty of very cool married women.
I've met plenty of very cool married women with kids.
I have NOT met any cool unmarried (meaning they're seeing someone but not married, or just single) women, nor any cool unmarried women with kids.
There is no reason for me to ask a male coworker nothing about his dating life
Casual conversation almost always results in "are you married/do you have any kids?" question. Sexual preference has nothing to do with the question.
Proud fathers in particular will ask if you have kids because they want to make a friend where the kids can hang out together. There's nothing wrong with that.
I don't agree that the same is true for women.
I've met plenty of very cool married women.
I've met plenty of very cool married women with kids.
I have NOT met any cool unmarried (meaning they're seeing someone but not married, or just single) women, nor any cool unmarried women with kids.
^ See OP, it's not just prejudice against single males. Here is a fine example of prejudice against single females!
Being single is not a disease, not a mental illness, nor is it a crime. The married majority of the society, especially those with children who think they are so mature and grown-up, shouldn't really paint all singletons in black with a broad stroke of discrimination. Not all singletons want to be single. Some have no choice but to remain single for various reasons, health issue for example.
Singletons are not bad persons. Why are they almost always perceived as suspicious, dangerous and potential trouble makers by simply being alone or quiet? I suppose ignorance spreads fear and creates paranoid. This is especially true in a close-minded and oppressive society, where people are more easily to be manipulated and cross-influenced by each other, and where herd mentality runs wild. It seems there is no shortage of fear mongers within that kind of society.
No, this is not "in my head", nor is it an "issue of self-confidence". This is really happening out there, though fortunately not in every society in the world, just some of the over-traditional and backward thinking ones. This wouldn't happen in a progressive and truly modernized society, where people's mind are occupied with far more important things than paying attention to singletons, or worrying what they are doing and how they live their lives.
"Children". Boys and girls, both. And whose fault is that? What's with all the deadbeat dads? That's not about discrimination, that's just plain abandonment.
What was your point, again?
you got him on that one..
the strong man father - where did he go???
abandoned his own kids??
as usual.....the circle of life starts with yourself
Single men are being harshly discriminated by society not just in social situation but also in work environment, especially when they are at an age which they "should have been" married with children. If still not, then they will most likely be perceived almost automatically as "not interested in the opposite sex", "having issues with women", "having problem with commitment", "antisocial", somehow mysteriously dangerous to people, perhaps "having mental issues" or worse, God forbid, having some really sinister fetish. In short, a terrible social outcast in the eyes of the married majority.
Tragic enough, single men with a promiscuous life style, a womanizer in other words, would be letting off the hook much easier. People would simply think that "he doesn't want to settle down yet and just want to have some more fun with girls". Unfortunately, it is the quiet single men who try to lead a clean and morally pure life that seem to get all the abuses, for people would misjudge them and think that "he is not acting normal", "he must be hiding something", " something must be seriously wrong with him", or "he must be one of those XXX (whatever the worst kind of offenders one can think of)", etc.
In a work environment, thing is just as worse for single men. They are more often not being taken seriously, as they are perceived by their married colleagues and supervisors unjustly as being "immature", "not yet a man", "having problem with commitment", "unable to handle big responsibility", "still sitting on the fence", etc. Male colleagues would think of them as homosexuals (mind you, I'm not homophobic), while female colleagues would think of them as some kind of devious creeps who are probably having some twisted fantasies of them.
Such is the poor reality for many single men out there. It is incredibly difficult to be a single man these day without being brutally discriminated, worse still for a middle-age single man. There are so much prejudices and injustice toward this particular group of people. However, I've notice that things are much different for single women. I'm not suggesting that they too should receive the same abuses as that endured by single men. I find that society in general is being grossly unfair toward the male sex when it comes to marry status.
I also find that today society is far more closed mind and oppressive. Herd mentality has sadly overtaken the brilliance of individual mind that allows the society to flourish in the first place. Individuality is constantly being suppressed and punished as if people were afraid of it. People are exceedingly terrified of being criticized publicly for having their own thoughts and opinions, so much so that they would deliberately prefer to self-censor themselves rather than expressing truthfully. This is especially true in a small city where people are living in clusters and cross-influencing each other dramatically.
Anyway, back to the problem of being a single man. Why are they being discriminated so unjustly? Why the abuses? I just don't get it.
Another lonely single male OP
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