Would you ever forgive your friend for cheating on the man you had planned to marry? (wife, fiance)

[patches403]

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

Some time ago, I got heavily involved with a childhood friend of mine and her relationship that ended in me cheating with her ex-fiancee. Fast foward 4 years later, I still wish I could take it all back. I admitted my wrongdoings and deeply regret doing what I did.

She only talks to me briefly if we happen to run into each other. Rarely, she will answer my texts.
I don't talk on phone.

I mailed her a Valentine's Day card last week.... Not even a response.

She has blocked blocked me on FB. Although shes "friends" with members of my own family which stings and hurts.

The whole irony of this is he had also cheated on her with her sister. And her and the sister are still friends talking to each other

Why in the world would you send her a Valentine's Day card? Adults don't send each other Valentine's Day cards unless they're romantically involved. A card for a romantic holiday is like throwing salt in her wounds.

Just let it go, stop attempting contact with her and move on with your life. You screwed up and nothing you do at this point is going to change her opinion about you. Once many more years pass, it's possible she may decide to reengage a relationship with you, but nothing you do is going to force that to happen. Any contact you attempt before she's ready will just irritate her more and make her less likely to ever want a relationship with you again. Consider this a painful life lesson learned and don't repeat it. If you live in a small town, it makes sense she would correspond with other members of your family; you should feel fortunate your friend is a big enough person that she doesn't blame your family for what you did.

Just because in public she appears to have a relationship with her sister doesn't mean she actually has one; people can put on a pretty good show of getting along in public and hate each other in private. It's possible she and her sister are putting on a good show to keep the rest of the family from finding out about the affair. In any case, her relationship or lack thereof with her sister has nothing to do with you. As others here have said, it's easier to cut off contact with friends than with close family.

[RonkonkomaNative]

What do you think she owes you ?

[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by seain dublin

No, you're missing the point. What you're doing is harassment/stalking.

If you don't stop it, you may see a restraining order. You don't have to threaten someone directly to have one taken out against you, the other person has to feel like you're bothering them in a harassing manner, and that is what you're doing. And you mailed her evidence....LOL. She can go to the cops and say "I have tried to block this person on my phone, and they sent this card. This person is stalking me".

And they didn't betray her trust, did they, that was YOU.

Maybe she is doing it on purpose, who knows. Doesn't really matter.

You need to leave her alone.

She blocked me on FB, not on her phone. I thought stalking was more along the lines of spying and threats which I don't do

Originally Posted by veuvegirl

Nope I would never be your friend again. Doing something like that speaks to your character. You may have changed, wonderful. However I wouldn't let you back in my life.

As for her sister, she maybe has to see her often and had to figure out a way to deal with her. You don't know what her thoughts and feelings towards your sister truly are.

thats true.

[MissTrish]

The ex sounds like a real prize, though. Does the nasty with his fiancee's friend and his fiancee's sister, but it's only the women in the scenario who are considered the wrongdoers in one way or another. LOL, what a world.

[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by patches403

Why in the world would you send her a Valentine's Day card? Adults don't send each other Valentine's Day cards unless they're romantically involved. A card for a romantic holiday is like throwing salt in her wounds.

Just let it go, stop attempting contact with her and move on with your life. You screwed up and nothing you do at this point is going to change her opinion about you. Once many more years pass, it's possible she may decide to reengage a relationship with you, but nothing you do is going to force that to happen. Any contact you attempt before she's ready will just irritate her more and make her less likely to ever want a relationship with you again. Consider this a painful life lesson learned and don't repeat it. If you live in a small town, it makes sense she would correspond with other members of your family; you should feel fortunate your friend is a big enough person that she doesn't blame your family for what you did.

Just because in public she appears to have a relationship with her sister doesn't mean she actually has one; people can put on a pretty good show of getting along in public and hate each other in private. It's possible she and her sister are putting on a good show to keep the rest of the family from finding out about the affair. In any case, her relationship or lack thereof with her sister has nothing to do with you. As others here have said, it's easier to cut off contact with friends than with close family.

I saw Valentine's cards for friends so I got her one

[HappyFarm34]

Originally Posted by MissTrish

The ex sounds like a real prize, though. Does the nasty with his fiancee's friend and his fiancee's sister, but it's only the women in the scenario who are considered the wrongdoers in one way or another. LOL, what a world.

Turns out he had addiction issues.

[Mathguy]

To the OP.

Basically, you were a friend and the trust there is gone.

Her sister is family and ostracizing her sister would cause huge problems within her family so in that case she has probably just decided to bury the hatchet there.

Tough luck, you aren't family and there is no pressure for her to take one for the team to keep the peace.

You blew it and she isn't the bad guy for basically ignoring you. You're going to have to learn from this and move on.

[Mattie]

Sorry OP. You put a temporary urge above your friend's trust. You lose.

[adams_aj]

good GOD what a world we live in.

[HappyFarm34]

Before I had reunited with this childhood friend, I was in hermit mode for years and years only interacting with people at work, my parents and siblings. At the time. I rarely had a drop of alcohol at that point, never smoked and was still a virgin. By then I was probably 26-27. I grew up in a family that showed very little affection. Even my parents rarely showed each other affection. My friend n her family on the other hand show each other affection and huggy type family

Not trying to making excuses, I just wish she would see where I'm coming from. When I started to come out of my shell, it resulted in disaster as I've mentioned. All these feelings that I've bottled up and avoided over the years made me a mess of myself.

That time when I began being her friend again, I had started drinking and smoking. She drank heavily and smoked as well. So did her ex. Her ex and his former best friend would get together on the weekends and smoke dope. me and the ex's former best friend clashed which caused problems as well.

So when that all blew over few years later and their relationship ended, it was tough. Although I was still seeing her ex occasionally, she has barely spoken to me since. It had made me make some changes in my life including seeing a therapist. Its better but still feel that void and feel bad now for what I did. The friends I associate with now either dont drink or just 2-3 drinks.