Would you ever forgive your friend for cheating on the man you had planned to marry? (acquaintance, appropriate)
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what do you mean by that? talking about myself a whole lot less? so my feelings of acknowledging that I caused her pain and betrayed doesn't mean anything? I've cried myself to sleep wishing I would've never got involved in the first place. So what should I be saying then that I feel truly sorry for what I did
I've made mistakes, too. So I'm trying not to come down too hard on you. You need to focus on your friend and how she feels so you can understand what's going on. Stop forcing yourself on her. Stop forcing and imposing yourself upon her. Your acknowledgement is great, but your posts sound very "me" centric. It's all about what I've realized, how I feel, how I react, etc. Reverse that and put your friend in that spot. Talk more about her and you'll start getting why she doesn't want to talk to you and why the relationship is done and why other little things you're saying sound really bad on your behalf, such as "It was just her fiancee."
Edit: I just saw you said she has a romantic life now. She might, now, but the sting of the past remains. I've been betrayed by a "close" friend, so I know how these things work.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jjury15
I've made mistakes, too. So I'm trying not to come down too hard on you. You need to focus on your friend and how she feels so you can understand what's going on. Stop forcing yourself on her. Stop forcing and imposing yourself upon her. Your acknowledgement is great, but your posts sound very "me" centric. It's all about what I've realized, how I feel, how I react, etc. Reverse that and put your friend in that spot. Talk more about her and you'll start getting why she doesn't want to talk to you and why the relationship is done and why other little things you're saying sound really bad on your behalf, such as "It was just her fiancee."
Edit: I just saw you said she has a romantic life now. She might, now, but the sting of the past remains. I've been betrayed by a "close" friend, so I know how these things work.
While you're not entitled to be forgiven (and I think you realize that), it seems that you've genuinely learned your lesson and are trying to make things right, which is key. I hope your ex-friend will see this (it this is, in fact, so) and can learn to move past things. Do understand if your ex-friend is unable to do so, however. My view may be generous, but I generally believe in giving second chances and believe that few things are truly unforgivable. If couples can get past cheating, so can friends in my view. Sure, it'll be tough and your relationship may never truly be the same, but I believe that it's possible. At some point, though, you're going to have to let things go if your ex-friend isn't responding positively to your efforts. When will such a time come to pass? I don't know, but I'm sure it'll be clear to you when that time does come. If that point comes, you will have to move on, knowing that you tried to make things right and live the rest of your life as best as you can.
Some time ago, I got heavily involved with a childhood friend of mine and her relationship that ended in me cheating with her ex-fiancee. Fast foward 4 years later, I still wish I could take it all back. I admitted my wrongdoings and deeply regret doing what I did.
She only talks to me briefly if we happen to run into each other. Rarely, she will answer my texts.
I don't talk on phone.
I mailed her a Valentine's Day card last week.... Not even a response.
She has blocked blocked me on FB. Although shes "friends" with members of my own family which stings and hurts.
The whole irony of this is he had also cheated on her with her sister. And her and the sister are still friends talking to each other
If she doesn't answer your texts, why are you sending her a Valentines day Card? That's a romantic holiday for lovers, which you two are about as far from that as you can get.
Members of your family never betrayed her, so she has the right and choice to be friends with them.
She must be one of those people that think "blood is thicker than water". It just bugs me that her sister got involved with him as well and they seem to get along when I see them
That's her sister, she's a bit stuck.
Moderator cut: delete
Last edited by Miss Blue; 02-27-2015 at 07:02 AM..
Reason: rude
Some time ago, I got heavily involved with a childhood friend of mine and her relationship that ended in me cheating with her ex-fiancee. Fast foward 4 years later, I still wish I could take it all back. I admitted my wrongdoings and deeply regret doing what I did.
She only talks to me briefly if we happen to run into each other. Rarely, she will answer my texts.
I don't talk on phone.
I mailed her a Valentine's Day card last week.... Not even a response.
She has blocked blocked me on FB. Although shes "friends" with members of my own family which stings and hurts.
The whole irony of this is he had also cheated on her with her sister. And her and the sister are still friends talking to each other
You disrespected her back then. Now, you're disrespecting the boundaries she has set, which just reminds her of how you hurt her.
It doesnt matter if he was a boyfriend or married, the affair would of still happened. The guy sensed my weakness of being a virgin and used it to his advantage to get what he wanted
PLEASE stop playing the victim here. YOU are not the victim. You were a willing participant in betraying your friend. Unless you are suddenly going to claim he raped you, you were a willing participant and not a victim.
Quote:
Originally Posted by prospectheightsresident
While you're not entitled to be forgiven (and I think you realize that), it seems that you've genuinely learned your lesson and are trying to make things right, which is key. I hope your ex-friend will see this (it this is, in fact, so) and can learn to move past things. Do understand if your ex-friend is unable to do so, however. My view may be generous, but I generally believe in giving second chances and believe that few things are truly unforgivable. If couples can get past cheating, so can friends in my view. Sure, it'll be tough and your relationship may never truly be the same, but I believe that it's possible. At some point, though, you're going to have to let things go if your ex-friend isn't responding positively to your efforts. When will such a time come to pass? I don't know, but I'm sure it'll be clear to you when that time does come. If that point comes, you will have to move on, knowing that you tried to make things right and live the rest of your life as best as you can.
The friend may have forgiven her. But that in no way, shape, or form means she wants happyfarm back in her life. Forgiving does NOT mean forgetting. Forgiving does NOT mean that things can now go back to the way they were before the transgression took place.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PeachSalsa
PLEASE stop playing the victim here. YOU are not the victim. You were a willing participant in betraying your friend
You have no idea what I was going through at the time. Imagine a young woman that spent much of her life isolated away from everyone and working at a crappy job that made her miserable. Being afraid of everything new with low self confidence and self esteem. It was a lonely, lonely place to be and felt even worse as I was climbing out of my comfort zone
As that happened surrounding myself with people, realizing all those years I had lost isolating myself, depression sunk that lead to an suicide attempt. After that was when the affair started.
Last edited by HappyFarm34; 02-17-2015 at 07:19 AM..
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