"close" friend never invites me to do anything ...unless its to go to a bar (female, male)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It sounds like to keep the connection, you initiate and maintain all contact. He's hit or miss in responding, and doesn't follow through when making plans. It's all one sided.
Perhaps he gave it a shot for 6 months, and realized you guys don't have enough in common to maintain a close friendship.
I'm curious to as how this friendship sustained life for 8 years long distance?
I have been friends with him for 9 years now. During the first 8 years , I only saw this friend once because we lived in different states. Last year , I moved to his city . We hung out several times during the first six months and then after that , up until now , he has acted funny. Most of the time when he used to invite me out , it would only be to go out to a bar . I don't drink much and when I do I can't handle my liquor so I prefer not to get drunk but he has a really high tolerance and most of his friends that he has introduced me to are the same way. After the first six months I moved here , communication is very little. He rarely text me first or asks me to do anything with him. Most of the time when I text him he doesn't ask how I am doing even though I text him about once a week to see how he is doing. He doesn't talk on the phone so I don't even bother calling. Texting is pretty much the only way to get a hold of him and if I send him more than one text to start a conversation , he is either slow to answer (which is fine) or I get no answer at all. Last christmas, I couldn't make it home to see my family and he invited me to spend time with his family. I thanked him for the invite and then asked for his family's address so I could come over since I was invited (this was a few days prior to Christmas) and he never answered. I texted him again on Christmas day to wish him Merry Christmas and to ask again what time should I come over to his family's (parents) house...he didn't answer me until late that afternoon and he replied that he already had went over to his family's house and was headed back home (his family lives in a town close to me ) ... I asked him if he wanted to stop by my house before he headed back home since his family lives close to me ...he didn't answer until 4 hours later and said he was already back home and that he would invite me over for dinner next week since I didn't get to spend time with him and his family. He never extended an invite like he promised. I was pissed about him not returning my text so that I could spend time with him and his family but I tried to let it go.
Fast foward to more recently. Just a month ago , I texted him while I was at work and he said he was headed out for a few drinks and asked me to join him. He knows I work evenings during the week and this was friday when he asked me this . I told him sorry I am at work and can't come. So I asked him if he would go to the movies with me sometime that weekend and he said yes and asked me if I would prefer to hang out on saturday or sunday for the movie. I told him Saturday. He never replied to confirm. I text him on saturday again about going to a movie then he says , " feeling lazy. Just going to stay home" . I was mad that he told me the day before that we could go to the movie then the day we were supposed to go , he just cancels on me .
What is funny about all of this is that he tells his other friends he introduces me to that I am his close friend. He is VERY popular and has lots of friends but I don't have many because I have only lived in ATL for a year. When I first moved here he told me that he would show me around and take me lots of different places but we really haven't done that. When he stood me up at Christmas time (see first paragraph) , it really hurt me. Then I try to get together with him for movie but then he says yes and then cancels.
I don't know what to do. I value our friendship and I want to talk to him about all this but the only way we communicate is thru text and i dont wanna text back and forth about all this. Maybe I should just wait until he wants to invite me to something . I feel like I am the last option on his friends list and that he will only hang with me if he is out of options for the weekend . Maybe I am just a friend he only wants to talk to once in a blue moon. He has not initiated any conversation with me since last year, I have done all the work. I think he may not hang out with me as much because I don't drink much and I am not successful but his other friends are like that . We are in our 30s. I don't understand this...
sorry for the long post
Why waste anymore time and energy on this guy?
You appear to be the only one in this friendship.
It is probably best to just let it go and don't try and engage him again.
Why are people calling this guy a drunk? He can hold his liquor and the OP can't. Who is the one that gets drunk?
How can you be a friend with someone for 8 years and only see them once in that time? How did they meet?
Some people are calling the friend insecure. I don't see that. The OP yes, but not the friend. Many insecure people like to call others that. Maybe it makes them feel better.
Maybe the friend is doing this on purpose so the OP quits bothering him. Some people can't take the hint.
Why is the OP even bothering thinking about this guy after the Christmas episode?
I don't drink much and when I do I can't handle my liquor so I prefer not to get drunk but he has a really high tolerance and most of his friends that he has introduced me to are the same way.
This is easy.
He is always drunk, so he doesn't remember telling you he'd like to go to the movie, and then he wakes up the next morning and he's like, I can't drink at the movie, so that's no fun.
Trust me on this.
You're not his friend; alcohol is. Since you don't drink, you're no fun to him.
I have been friends with him for 9 years now. During the first 8 years , I only saw this friend once because we lived in different states. Last year , I moved to his city . We hung out several times during the first six months ... After the first six months I moved here , communication is very little. He rarely text me first or asks me to do anything with him. Most of the time when I text him he doesn't ask how I am doing even though I text him about once a week to see how he is doing. He doesn't talk on the phone so I don't even bother calling. Texting is pretty much the only way to get a hold of him and if I send him more than one text to start a conversation , he is either slow to answer (which is fine) or I get no answer at all. .... he never answered. I texted him again on Christmas day to wish him Merry Christmas and to ask again what time should I come over to his family's (parents) house...he didn't answer me until late that afternoon and he replied that he already had went over to his family's house and was headed back home ... ...he didn't answer until 4 hours later and said he was already back home and that he would invite me over for dinner next week since I didn't get to spend time with him and his family. He never extended an invite like he promised.
... When I first moved here he told me that he would show me around and take me lots of different places but we really haven't done that. When he stood me up at Christmas time .... Then I try to get together with him for movie but then he says yes and then cancels.
I don't know what to do. I value our friendship .... I feel like I am the last option on his friends list and that he will only hang with me if he is out of options for the weekend . Maybe I am just a friend he only wants to talk to once in a blue moon. He has not initiated any conversation with me since last year, I have done all the work. I think he may not hang out with me as much because I don't drink much and I am not successful but his other friends are like that . We are in our 30s. I don't understand this...
So you've been friends for 9 years, but you only saw him ONCE the first 8 years? Did you meet online?
He does not talk to you.
He rarely returns your texts.
He does not follow through on what he says he will do.
He is NOT a friend. Friends do not treat each other like that. If he is a friend, then you do not need enemies.
Give it up already. Find other people to hang out with.
Are you a girl? If not, your post comes off as something a girl would write about a guy they were interested in. Maybe he doesn't want to hang out with you alone, or go out to dinner and a movie alone with you because it would feel like a date. With a close friend, sure that wouldn't be weird... but someone you hung out with once in 8 years, yeah he might find it uncomfortable.
Youve known him for 8 years, but only have seen him once? He's not a friend, he's just an acquaintance. You are working far too hard for nothing. You can't make people interact with you if they have no interest in doing that. He doesnt. Move on.
Yeah I have been working on making other friends. Its a slow process but I am sure things will work out. I guess it takes longer than a year to get some friends.
It really can take a while...I didn't make any close friends when I moved to a big city until I had kids. Then we had that in common. So I guess you have got to find something you might have in common with other people and look for ways to mingle with them. But trust me, there are lots of people out there who also want to make friends, so keep trying.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
