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It sounds like to keep the connection, you initiate and maintain all contact. He's hit or miss in responding, and doesn't follow through when making plans. It's all one sided.
Perhaps he gave it a shot for 6 months, and realized you guys don't have enough in common to maintain a close friendship.
I'm curious to as how this friendship sustained life for 8 years long distance?
We maintained the friendship thru texts ...barely.
I guess I am just envious of him because he has lots of friends , is more outgoing than me, has a great job and a great place to live . He is all around more successful than me . He is always enjoying life.
I think maybe he does not want to hang out with me because I am not as extroverted as he is. He has a lot of friends so I guess I am not high on his priority list. I am done contacting him for a while. I have other things to worry about.
I never said he had to give up anything or give up his other friends to hang out with me. I just like to hang out with people who have other interests than drinking, especially since there is so much to do in this city and I would like for him to experience it with me. Plus I am not a big drinker as I think I stated before. He goes to basketball games, football games and lots of other places with his other friends ( I see all this posted on facebook). Btw, for the people who wanted to know we are both not straight. Even if we were both straight, I think that straight guys hang out with their guy friends at places other than bars .
You sound like a great guy. Have you considered taking classes at a local community college? They aren't that expensive, and you can meet literally all sorts of people in classes and around campus. Unless you are only looking for potential 'more than a friend' encounters, don't discount the possibilities of good friendships with straight guys and women of all types. Lots of people would enjoy your company if you can get to meet them!
Since you're both not straight I have a feeling that he's not interested in you romantically, but feels as though you are in to him romantically (which is seems like the case, even if it's not true)... so he doesn't want to be one on one with you to give you the wrong idea.
We maintained the friendship thru texts ...barely.
I guess I am just envious of him because he has lots of friends , is more outgoing than me, has a great job and a great place to live . He is all around more successful than me . He is always enjoying life.
I think maybe he does not want to hang out with me because I am not as extroverted as he is. He has a lot of friends so I guess I am not high on his priority list. I am done contacting him for a while. I have other things to worry about.
This guy is an acquaintance, OP. He's someone you met years ago and have sporadically kept in touch with via text. A friendship (a good one, at least) is a give & take relationship, and this isn't what you have.
OP, I think you need to put some effort into making real friends. Like others have suggested, through joining a church, meetup groups, whatever.
Also, I found a couple of 49ers bars in Atlanta that you can hang at during football season. I know you don't drink, but here the common denominator will be football. San Fancisco 49ers Sports Bars Atlanta
To the OP, if you're near ATL, there is a huge gay scene. You need to get out more. Is it possible that you've become so clingy b/c its not as easy for gays to make friends so you want to hold onto the one semblence of a friend?
I say this b/c in spite of the medias rhetoric, there's still a level of prejudice against the group. I know myself probably wouldnt look to make close friends out of a gay guy b/c our interest are gonna be way way apart. An aquaintance maybe, but wouldnt feel comfortable talking intimate details.
But youve also stated you're an introverted person, so thats not helping ur cause either. Maybe you give off a needy vibe early and dont even realize it.
You sound like a great guy. Have you considered taking classes at a local community college? They aren't that expensive, and you can meet literally all sorts of people in classes and around campus. Unless you are only looking for potential 'more than a friend' encounters, don't discount the possibilities of good friendships with straight guys and women of all types. Lots of people would enjoy your company if you can get to meet them!
I wish you all the happiness you can find.
Thank you! I have definitely considered going back to school. There is a university really close to my house that has some continuing education classes that are getting ready to start. Yes, I want to make all kinds of friends. Don't want to limit myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shutout
Since you're both not straight I have a feeling that he's not interested in you romantically, but feels as though you are in to him romantically (which is seems like the case, even if it's not true)... so he doesn't want to be one on one with you to give you the wrong idea.
I'm not into him romantically and he knows that. I am not his type, nor is he mine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HokieFan
This guy is an acquaintance, OP. He's someone you met years ago and have sporadically kept in touch with via text. A friendship (a good one, at least) is a give & take relationship, and this isn't what you have.
OP, I think you need to put some effort into making real friends. Like others have suggested, through joining a church, meetup groups, whatever.
Also, I found a couple of 49ers bars in Atlanta that you can hang at during football season. I know you don't drink, but here the common denominator will be football. San Fancisco 49ers Sports Bars Atlanta
I'm certain you'll make you friends there!
Yeah, I guess I need to 'downgrade' him to an acquaintance and move on. Thanks for that link to 49ers bars in ATL . That is a great start.
Have over the years had to look at my relationships and when it got to be lopsided I had no problem moving on without expanation. Always felt there was few things we really had in common therefore no sense in putting pressure on them nor myself. Sorry you ran into this but no fault of yours so dont stress yourself.
I see this time and time again on City Data concerning friendships. If there's anything I've learned in my 58 years it's that we all move on our own time line. Sometimes these time lines intersect and we're on the same page. Sometimes these time lines intersect and we are not on the same page. That's life. I see my friends when I see them, it's as simple as that. We can go years, days, weeks or months without seeing each other. It doesn't mean they are ever far from my heart or my thoughts. Our time lines are just off. It's up to you to decide if you want to be friends with an alcoholic. For me it's a deal breaker. It's far to sad watching someone self destruct. Been there, done that, not walking down that path again, but that's me. You seem lonely and are trying to make your friend fit your definition of what a friend should be in your universe. He's unreliable and probably always will be. Sometimes the idea of someone or the fantasy is far better then the realty. I personally wouldn't make him an enemy, but in the same respect he would be put in the acquaintance zone. If you hook up and have some fun....fine. Don't make him your all. Focus on other interests. I'm terribly guilty of neglecting my friends, yet when I'm with them they are the center of my universe. They also know that my word is etched in stone and I will drop everything if they need me. Time is irrelevant when you make that kind of connection with someone. Try to find like minded people that fit your needs better, rather then trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole.
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