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The wife of a friend of mine is truly a lovely person but, to get to the point here, she hasn't worked in almost 2 decades and has enjoyed a very very nice lifestyle not really shared by others in our social circle.
Now to be totally clear again, she's not a snob per se, and she is generous and gregarious and pretty much a welcome part of any gathering. And it's not like they're millionaires and we're all on welfare; in fact it's not just about the $$, although the $$ allows other choices to happen that not many of us share (i.e., like extensive volunteering).
Now as the years roll on, her contributions to a conversation are becoming almost entirely shaped by her fortunate position in her life, something basically none of the rest of us share. It's getting increasingly difficult for others to identify and respond in a natural way. Like I said it's not really snobbery, just a lack of perspective.
We enjoy their company but I find myself tongue tied a lot. I don't want to say something semi-sarcastic like "oh that must be nice" but nodding my head and floating out generalities is getting old. Sometimes changing the subject works, sometimes not.
Most people are smart enough to be aware they're in a privileged position in life, and to adjust their conversation topics with their friends and social circle accordingly. For some reason, she's given up trying to fit in. Consider inviting her to your gatherings less often. It doesn't have to be a big deal.
And honestly, if she's making people uncomfortable, it sounds like you all don't enjoy her company as much as you say you do, anyway. She may be bubbly and entertaining, but it sounds like her bubbles wear thin after the first few minutes. Do you really need that?
Most people are smart enough to be aware they're in a privileged position in life, and to adjust their conversation topics with their friends and social circle accordingly. For some reason, she's given up trying to fit in. Consider inviting her to your gatherings less often. It doesn't have to be a big deal.
And honestly, if she's making people uncomfortable, it sounds like you all don't enjoy her company as much as you say you do, anyway. She may be bubbly and entertaining, but it sounds like her bubbles wear thin after the first few minutes. Do you really need that?
On the nice side...she (and her husband for that matter), are usually the first to volunteer to help with kid transpo, they're often the only ones who stay to help clean up after a BBQ or something, and they are good RSVP'ers! So in many ways they're both a pleasure to have around.
It's just having to tip-toe around conversations more and more.
Then stop tiptoeing. After she talks for awhile about her own good fortune, come right out and say that no one else in the group is so fortunate so it is hard to relate. You can be polite about it but you don't have to suck it up and tolerate it.
People talk about what is going on in their own life and that happens to be what is going on in her life. So, you want her to only talk about what is going on in your life? Then tell her so.
It sounds as if she is a nice person. I’m sure she has no idea how uncomfortable she is making her old friends, pushing them away.
The only way to improve the situation is a little honesty, in private, communicated with sensitivity and caring. It would be a difficult conversation. The best way is to present your feelings as a character failing of your own rather than of hers so that she in no way construes the conversation as an attack. Mention you miss the days that conversation flowed so easily because you had so much in common. Contrast that with regularly feeling tongue tied now.
Do you mean she humble brags? Or she talks about buying furs? Or taking expensive vacations?
If you value the friendship, then I think you will have to accept that she has different life experiences than you, and you need to accept that. To me, you sound envious, at least a little bit.
You say she really is not a snob, so what is it about the way she talks that irritates you? If you can identify that, you will know if you are simply envious or if she is indeed being entitled and oblivious.
I'm going to need examples, because I can't imagine being annoyed by someone just talking about their life as long as they're not monopolizing the conversation or being obnoxious.
If she’s a nice person who is a good friend then she deserves some grace from you IMO. Try addressing things in the moment in a nice, calm, sweet way (i.e. “oh Becky I hear you, it’s just that non of us working stiffs can relate! *giggle* You guys are so lucky,”) Then gently change the subject. Just figure out some wording that works.
If you feel close enough to her you can address it in a private convo as well. Frame it as a problem you need her help with maybe? (“Honey I feel silly saying this, but whenever XYZ comes up I don’t know what to say! You are an awesome person but your life is so different from mine, I don’t know how to respond without it getting weird and I love you so much I would never want that. Can we figure this out together?”). You get the idea.
She does sound like a lovely person so I wouldn’t want to lose a friendship over external stuff, you know?
The wife of a friend of mine is truly a lovely person but, to get to the point here, she hasn't worked in almost 2 decades and has enjoyed a very very nice lifestyle not really shared by others in our social circle.
Now to be totally clear again, she's not a snob per se, and she is generous and gregarious and pretty much a welcome part of any gathering. And it's not like they're millionaires and we're all on welfare; in fact it's not just about the $$, although the $$ allows other choices to happen that not many of us share (i.e., like extensive volunteering).
Now as the years roll on, her contributions to a conversation are becoming almost entirely shaped by her fortunate position in her life, something basically none of the rest of us share. It's getting increasingly difficult for others to identify and respond in a natural way. Like I said it's not really snobbery, just a lack of perspective.
We enjoy their company but I find myself tongue tied a lot. I don't want to say something semi-sarcastic like "oh that must be nice" but nodding my head and floating out generalities is getting old. Sometimes changing the subject works, sometimes not.
Anyone identify?
We have a friend like this. Same situation,although we are very similar in wealth and don't talk about it.
MrsM and I decided to take ur friends out for dinner a few years ago. We sat there during dinner and told her what it was on our side to hear what she was saying. We told her that we all know how good a person she is and several of our mutual friends cannot compete with money and their feelings "might be hurt."
Her comment was I never thought about this. It never happened again and all of us are still very close friends
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