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The wife of a friend of mine is truly a lovely person but, to get to the point here, she hasn't worked in almost 2 decades and has enjoyed a very very nice lifestyle not really shared by others in our social circle.
Now to be totally clear again, she's not a snob per se, and she is generous and gregarious and pretty much a welcome part of any gathering. And it's not like they're millionaires and we're all on welfare; in fact it's not just about the $$, although the $$ allows other choices to happen that not many of us share (i.e., like extensive volunteering).
Now as the years roll on, her contributions to a conversation are becoming almost entirely shaped by her fortunate position in her life, something basically none of the rest of us share. It's getting increasingly difficult for others to identify and respond in a natural way. Like I said it's not really snobbery, just a lack of perspective.
We enjoy their company but I find myself tongue tied a lot. I don't want to say something semi-sarcastic like "oh that must be nice" but nodding my head and floating out generalities is getting old. Sometimes changing the subject works, sometimes not.
Anyone identify?
Big time..I do identify. I have bailed on several friends who no longer relate to my position. It's not worth it. Trust me, they don't get the disparity nor do they want to.
Do you mean she humble brags? Or she talks about buying furs? Or taking expensive vacations?
If you value the friendship, then I think you will have to accept that she has different life experiences than you, and you need to accept that. To me, you sound envious, at least a little bit.
You say she really is not a snob, so what is it about the way she talks that irritates you? If you can identify that, you will know if you are simply envious or if she is indeed being entitled and oblivious.
What does she bragging about?
Seriously, how do you know they aren't living beyond their means? Sound like she needs a job.
An acquaintance of mine needed some complicated dental work. She had it done fairly cheaply at a university dental school. She told me she had gone there for years for her dental needs and was always pleased. Just something you may want to look in to. I imagine the students are closely supervised.
Dental pain can be hell.
Tell me about it. And the ER doesn't deal with teeth or eyes unless it's an emergency (as in, if you've been punched in the mouth and you're choking on your teeth). All else, see the dentist or the optometrist.
Thanks, but the closest university to me is about 75 miles away (one way) plus a bridge toll, or if I take my car on the ferry, about $40 for each round trip, plus another 20 or 30 minutes getting to the university from the ferry. And I have to figure on at least three visits. So even that gets a bit pricy.
I am middle middle class,and she is non working poor. I work 56-66 hours a week for reference.
She is in her mid 50's.
We were grocery shopping,and I told her "I do not have time to cruise the supermarket". She takes up to 1 hour and 45 minutes to go grocery shopping.
She then tells me "I dont have it like that to just pick up anything and buy it".
I told her that I dont just pick up anything and place it in my cart,but my time is more important at this time.
From my perspective,I know she was being a little funny and feeling some type of way,but I do work for what I have. It is not like things fell into my lap,and honestly it is not like she helped me a great deal to get to where i am.
That's how she affords those vacations. We scrimp on many things to have money to spend on things we value more. It's just that everyone has different priorities. I have a friend who keeps her thermostat at 60 in winter, but she goes to Cabo twice a year. I prefer to be warm at home, and I haven't been out of the country in 12 years. To each their own.
Thank you for bringing that up. My husband and I are 61 and 64, and we are finally "comfortable", but not rich by U.S. standards. As you said, it is all about one's individual priorities.
To most of our neighbors, we might appear to be struggling as we only have one car (a late model Mazda), and our wardrobes consist of only about 20 separates bought from stores like Kohl's. We also don't have cable or even Smartphones. However, we do take an expensive vacation every year and enjoy good, but not terribly expensive, wine. (We seldom go out for dinner but enjoy making "simple gourmet" meals at home, so even though we might have a $75 bottle of Cab once in month, we still spend much less money than we would for the same meal at a restaurant, even with a cheap bottle of wine.)
Again, it is all about how one chooses to spend one's money -- and, really, I don't think it is anyone else's business.
Last edited by katharsis; 10-18-2017 at 09:31 AM..
But that is with insurance, surely! Maybe they don’t have insurance.
I don't have dental insurance. I just got an exam, x-rays, cleaning for $150. Small city, small dentist in a rundown house converted into office...so not one of the big boys (one of those would run $300 for that).
So it all depends. But $300 IS the going rate in my area for established dentists with big practices.
Thank you for bringing that up. My husband and I are 61 and 64, and we are finally "comfortable", but not rich by U.S. standards. As you said, it is all about one's individual priorities.
To most of our neighbors, we might appear to be struggling as we only have one car (a late model Mazda), and our wardrobes consist of only about 20 separates bought from stores like Kohl's. We also don't have cable (or even Smartphones. However, we do take an expensive vacation every year and enjoy good, but not terribly expensive, wine. (We seldom go out for dinner but enjoy making "simple gourmet" meals at home, so even though we might have a $75 bottle of Cab once in month, we still spend much less money than we would for the same meal at a restaurant, even with a cheap bottle of wine.)
Again, it is all about how one chooses to spend one's money -- and, really, I don't think it is anyone else's business.
I remember coming back from a cruise, and a co-worker wistfully saying she wished she could afford one. I simply responded, “yes, I imagine it takes a lot of money to raise children these days”. It was as if a lightbulb went off in her head, and she said thoughtfully, “Yes, it does!” Different choices. I’m sure she really wouldn’t give up having her children, in order to be able to afford a cruise.
Last edited by cdnirene; 10-18-2017 at 09:28 AM..
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