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I don’t know. I have friends who work (and the OP did say “to some extent”) who are able to volunteer at their children’s schools from time to time. I have one friend who pretty much watches several friends’ kids on days off of school during the school year and he works full time (more than 40 hours a week, actually), but he also gets a lot of vacation time and can built up comp time to be able to do it. He would also go join his daughter at lunch once a week, even though he worked. I have other friends who work full time and are also heavily involved. Just because they can’t volunteer *as much* doesn’t mean they can’t volunteer AT ALL.
Where did the OP say they don't volunteer at all? I couldn't find that.
Example 1: talking about extensive volunteering at school during school hours, and asking/suggesting the same with us. Only so many times one can say, "would love to, but we're working."
Like I said, I know it's not intentional, and she truly doesn't have a bad bone in her body. If anything, it's naivete, so as others wrote here maybe a quiet contemplative talk would work.
I actually thought that was sweet of her to say. She wants to spend more time with you, doing good. I would find it hard to be annoyed by someone like that.
In fact, send her over. I want to hang out with her.
How about responding, "Yes, I think volunteering with you would be a gas. Is there a weekend activity we could do?"
A different perspective... IMO, the problem is yours, not hers. She has the means to live life differently and does. It's not something she does to show off. It's truly how she lives. Accept that she is able to do things differently and be happy for her that she can do what she loves. She is not competing with you. She is sharing what she knows.
I remember an article in Newsweek magazine that said most Americans don't go to the dentist because of fear of pain. I've never laughed so hard. For someone who is only able to afford a dentist maybe once every five years or so, I'd so take that pain if I could just get to the dentist regularly.
Some people just don't know when they're well off.
You have to be kidding. I got a full set of x-rays, exam, and cleaning for just under $150. It takes you 5 years to scrape that amount up?
A different perspective... IMO, the problem is yours, not hers. She has the means to live life differently and does. It's not something she does to show off. It's truly how she lives. Accept that she is able to do things differently and be happy for her that she can do what she loves. She is not competing with you. She is sharing what she knows.
Yeah IDK what she is supposed to talk about. Everyone can talk about what they are doing except her?
IDK...I don't see anything wrong with it as long as 100% of all her conversations don't revolve around how "fortunate" she is. She isn't really talking down to anyone is she? I guess I say that because we have a couple of friends like that. We have known them for many years so our rapport with them is somewhat on the comical/joking side. Whenever they go off on a tangent about their "wealth", I just joke with them about "well, we are two paychecks from getting the water shut off around here" (joking of course), we all just laugh and it brings them back down to earth for awhile. No harm done. And if people work hard to obtain their wealth, more power to them and I respect that.
I think you come off as jealous. Everyone has a different life. I am happy for the success my friends have.
Have you ever mentioned your children to people that can't have any? Have you ever mentioned your marriage to a widow or widower? You are just talking about your realty so what can it hurt?
Life would be boring if we all were the same.
Why don't you ask about her volunteering instead of making excuses about why you can't? Why don't you ask about her trip, what she saw and did? I would rather hear about that than your kids.
Do you mean she humble brags? Or she talks about buying furs? Or taking expensive vacations?
If you value the friendship, then I think you will have to accept that she has different life experiences than you, and you need to accept that. To me, you sound envious, at least a little bit.
You say she really is not a snob, so what is it about the way she talks that irritates you? If you can identify that, you will know if you are simply envious or if she is indeed being entitled and oblivious.
This is a great response! I agree that you need to accept the differences, especially given the fact that this woman gives of her time to others. If she blathers on about how much she does for others, that's a little different. She sounds like she's a nice and giving person. It's so much easier to be kind and adjust topics as needed. Change the subject and try to find a common ground.
Who is apparently quite passionate about the volunteer work she's doing.
It would be dismissive to not let her talk about it. I stopped hanging out with some people because all they ever wanted to talk about was their workplace -- they worked at the same company. I've been out of the workforce for 16 years. I'm self-employed but even when I did work, I never worked at that company, so I have nothing to contribute.
I made the mistake of thinking maybe for sixty seconds I could let people know what's going on with me ("I've been invited to a conference in Seattle at Amazon's headquarters and I'm pretty excited about that") and was promptly and rudely shut down.
Then stop tiptoeing. After she talks for awhile about her own good fortune, come right out and say that no one else in the group is so fortunate so it is hard to relate. You can be polite about it but you don't have to suck it up and tolerate it.
People talk about what is going on in their own life and that happens to be what is going on in her life. So, you want her to only talk about what is going on in your life? Then tell her so.
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