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I'm surprised by all the people who feel children owe their parents for simply being alive, raised and cared for. None of us asked to be here. I am of the opinion that my children owe me nothing, but I owe them everything - I alone made the choice to bring them into this world. They didn't really have any say in the matter.
My mother and stepfather always used to sneeringly refer to "my tab." You want dinner? We'll just put it on your tab! I say "used to" because I don't speak to them anymore. They also wouldn't help me when I was in a dire situation in my early 20s, but came to me for money and help many times later in my adulthood. They never once paid me back. Hope the OP proceeds with caution.
I just saw this after I posted my response. I was very surprised by this as well.
Become part owner of the house. FOUR YEARS?? Even at $500/month that's over $100K! What's it worth to you? Have them sell you the house for a dollar then they can pay you "$X" to live there forever. You can make the payments for them and they can live there cheap/free and no one has to worry about wills/estates/inheritance tax.
Oh sheesh. Thanks, anonymous messenger. I am NOT a numbers person. But you get the point.
I'm honestly conflicted with this situation and it is bugging the living hell out of me.
...
Anyway. I never harbored any bad feelings and we still talk, blah blah. Things went on as normal. However, I was always really hurt that they didn't help me since they are my parents. Like, jeez. I had proved to be responsible with money so they didn't have much of s reason to deny me... But anyway, it also taught me this: in life, even as an adult, it is perfectly okay to ask for help and need help.
...
What should I do?
There's no bad feelings, things are normal, and you know it's ok to ask for help. So help them. And, for all you know, asking you for a loan knowing that they turned you down for one when you needed it may be bugging the living hell out of them. Looking back on it, maybe they would have loaned the money for the tire/impound if they could do it again.
Do you call yourself a Christian? If so, forgive them and loan the money.
what?? To forgive them is one thing...to enable them to be irresponsible with their finances is quite another. (esp as old as they are)
it is entirely possible to forgive your parents for their bad parenting (my interpretation of OP's events) but at the same time, not enable them to be irresponsible with their finances, which is nothing about forgiveness (or the lack thereof)
Where did Jesus command his followers to be doormats? Please cite chapter and verse.
I'm not sure if OP would be putting his parents best interests at heart if he paid off their expenses, at this point because - how old are they? what are their earning potential?
Actually there is a verse in the Bible that says, "those who get ahead by oppressing the poor will end up in poverty themselves." Kinda see it happening in OP's life, IMO. Your parents were aparently rolling in dough when asked for help with your immediate need and they denied you...Now later look what happens.
I would lend them the money under the condition that the title of the house goes in your name. They can buy it back with interest, or if not, they can rent it from you with the family discount. Hey, it's a business decision and they taught you well by forcing you to pull yourself up by your boot straps.
Do not loan them any money, unless you will be perfectly fine if they never pay it back. They can't pay their bills because they dont have money, a bank wouldnt loan them money because of that. So if you do, loan it with the realization that you may not get it back.
If you're okay with that, then do it.
Pretty much. Regardless of what the relatives did or didn't do in the past, this is the way that the OP needs to be looking at things (from a rational, business viewpoint). I try to never loan relatives money, but, if I do, do so with the realization that I may never see it again. In this case, that possibility (for the reasons you mention) goes up even more than may be the usual case. Tread very carefully, OP.
If it were me, I would absolutely give them the money. You have it, you can afford it and they need it. You can loan it to them but understand that they may not pay it back. Loaning money to family is a bad idea unless you can afford to lose it. You can afford to lose it and these are your parents. They did raise you and their fear is losing their house and that is a big deal.
You didn't ask to be born, and your parents weren't perfect, but they raised you and look how you turned out. If they did not do their best when you were a baby and a child then you would not have had the tools to become who you are today. Raising children is hard work and a big responsibility. They did something right and if you want to see what that is, you can look in the mirror.
As for your need for help when you were younger, they should have helped you. That's what parents do. They made a judgment call. I don't understand their logic, but they made a mistake.
Money is pieces of paper, or numbers. It isn't important unless you don't have it. You have it and you can make more. It is of little consequence in the big picture. Your character is worth more then that. Who do you want to be?
Do you want to rise above it? Or do you want to be like them and turn your cold hard back?
If this was any other family besides your parents or your children I would not make this suggestion. My suggestion would be to ignore them. Since the money isn't a problem, and they have a legitimate need then you should do what you can to help out. Being the person that you think they should have been is being true to yourself. Not true to their standards.
It's up to you whether you want to bring up the past. I probably would since I can be petty. It would be a perfect opportunity.
If it were me, I would absolutely give them the money. You have it, you can afford it and they need it. You can loan it to them but understand that they may not pay it back. Loaning money to family is a bad idea unless you can afford to lose it. You can afford to lose it and these are your parents. They did raise you and their fear is losing their house and that is a big deal.
You didn't ask to be born, and your parents weren't perfect, but they raised you and look how you turned out. If they did not do their best when you were a baby and a child then you would not have had the tools to become who you are today. Raising children is hard work and a big responsibility. They did something right and if you want to see what that is, you can look in the mirror.
As for your need for help when you were younger, they should have helped you. That's what parents do. They made a judgment call. I don't understand their logic, but they made a mistake.
Money is pieces of paper, or numbers. It isn't important unless you don't have it. You have it and you can make more. It is of little consequence in the big picture. Your character is worth more then that. Who do you want to be?
Do you want to rise above it? Or do you want to be like them and turn your cold hard back?
If this was any other family besides your parents or your children I would not make this suggestion. My suggestion would be to ignore them. Since the money isn't a problem, and they have a legitimate need then you should do what you can to help out. Being the person that you think they should have been is being true to yourself. Not true to their standards.
It's up to you whether you want to bring up the past. I probably would since I can be petty. It would be a perfect opportunity.
Sorry, this post is BS. angelenogirl said it better than I:
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelenogirl
I'm surprised by all the people who feel children owe their parents for simply being alive, raised and cared for. None of us asked to be here. I am of the opinion that my children owe me nothing, but I owe them everything - I alone made the choice to bring them into this world. They didn't really have any say in the matter.
My mother and stepfather always used to sneeringly refer to "my tab." You want dinner? We'll just put it on your tab! I say "used to" because I don't speak to them anymore. They also wouldn't help me when I was in a dire situation in my early 20s, but came to me for money and help many times later in my adulthood. They never once paid me back. Hope the OP proceeds with caution.
If it were me, I would absolutely give them the money. You have it, you can afford it and they need it. You can loan it to them but understand that they may not pay it back. Loaning money to family is a bad idea unless you can afford to lose it. You can afford to lose it and these are your parents. They did raise you and their fear is losing their house and that is a big deal.
You didn't ask to be born, and your parents weren't perfect, but they raised you and look how you turned out. If they did not do their best when you were a baby and a child then you would not have had the tools to become who you are today. Raising children is hard work and a big responsibility. They did something right and if you want to see what that is, you can look in the mirror.
As for your need for help when you were younger, they should have helped you. That's what parents do. They made a judgment call. I don't understand their logic, but they made a mistake.
Money is pieces of paper, or numbers. It isn't important unless you don't have it. You have it and you can make more. It is of little consequence in the big picture. Your character is worth more then that. Who do you want to be?
Do you want to rise above it? Or do you want to be like them and turn your cold hard back?
If this was any other family besides your parents or your children I would not make this suggestion. My suggestion would be to ignore them. Since the money isn't a problem, and they have a legitimate need then you should do what you can to help out. Being the person that you think they should have been is being true to yourself. Not true to their standards.
It's up to you whether you want to bring up the past. I probably would since I can be petty. It would be a perfect opportunity.
I agree with this post 99%...be the better person and don't ruin it by bringing up the past...
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Thanks, anonymous messenger. I am NOT a numbers person. But you get the point. 
what??
