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Now, It's true that people judge us by the words we use, and I'm quite articulate. But I was told by a couple of people that I "sound mean", in that I have the propensity to be mean and cruel and yell at people. I'm a teddy bear, and just about everybody who knows me will say that I'm a really nice guy - but I was told by these folks (those who said that I sounded mean) that I have a bit too much "bearing" in my way of talking. A little background: I'm New York born-and-bred, still have the New York tone, even though I haven't lived there in 30 years. I'm a little hurt in that some people may think I'm mean! Get to know someone before you judge them.
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Kind of the same thing with the thread I recently started on people judging others just by looking at their facial expressions. I hate the sound of my voice. It can be hard for people to understand me.
Now, It's true that people judge us by the words we use, and I'm quite articulate. But I was told by a couple of people that I "sound mean", in that I have the propensity to be mean and cruel and yell at people. I'm a teddy bear, and just about everybody who knows me will say that I'm a really nice guy - but I was told by these folks (those who said that I sounded mean) that I have a bit too much "bearing" in my way of talking. A little background: I'm New York born-and-bred, still have the New York tone, even though I haven't lived there in 30 years. I'm a little hurt in that some people may think I'm mean! Get to know someone before you judge them.
I'm originally from the same area, and I don't hear that from people. I do have many who pick up on my accent immediately, so that isn't it. If you are perceived as "mean, cruel, and yelling", that's on you, not your birthplace.
Now, It's true that people judge us by the words we use, and I'm quite articulate. But I was told by a couple of people that I "sound mean", in that I have the propensity to be mean and cruel and yell at people. I'm a teddy bear, and just about everybody who knows me will say that I'm a really nice guy - but I was told by these folks (those who said that I sounded mean) that I have a bit too much "bearing" in my way of talking. A little background: I'm New York born-and-bred, still have the New York tone, even though I haven't lived there in 30 years. I'm a little hurt in that some people may think I'm mean! Get to know someone before you judge them.
Instead of getting hurt or offended, be glad that you're now aware of a shortcoming that you weren't previously aware of. Now that you have that awareness, you can make a conscious effort to change that about yourself.
Try recording yourself having a conversation with someone & hear it back to understand your tone. Ask a friend for honest feedback. Not just your tone but maybe your body language is giving off a wrong impression as well. Recording your voice, video & practicing in front of a mirror can help. If its becoming an issue then see a speech therapist for a few sessions.
New Yorkers sound mad to many other people, especially those from the South and Southwest. You talk fast and emphatically, which I think is what the people meant by saying you sound mean. Record yourself ad see what you think. We never kn ow how we sound to others. There are also voice coaches if you think you have e a problem.
Now, It's true that people judge us by the words we use, and I'm quite articulate. But I was told by a couple of people that I "sound mean", in that I have the propensity to be mean and cruel and yell at people. I'm a teddy bear, and just about everybody who knows me will say that I'm a really nice guy - but I was told by these folks (those who said that I sounded mean) that I have a bit too much "bearing" in my way of talking. A little background: I'm New York born-and-bred, still have the New York tone, even though I haven't lived there in 30 years. I'm a little hurt in that some people may think I'm mean! Get to know someone before you judge them.
Its not about judging you...everyone gives an "impression" of themselves, and people are kind enough to let you know that yours is of an angry person. My last bf was like this, he was kind too, but he had a scowly resting face and he was very big, and when he frowned he looked scary..when he started ranting or complaining about something (which he did frequently) and his already deep voice got loud, the overall picture that emerged was someone with anger issues. I would notice people in the room get quiet when we were at gatherings and even though I knew him, I could see why he made them uncomfortable sometimes.
Thank those friends, and make a concerted effort to be less negative.
Also, every personality is not for everyone. I have a loud voice and am very extroverted, bull in a china shop...most of my patients love me and love my personality, however I had one patient's family member ask me nicely if they could switch to another therapist because I was too loud and "just too much" for their family member. They preferred someone more soft-spoken for her.
Of course it hurt my feelings inwardly, I'm human after all. But I just said "of course, it's not a problem" and spent the next 10 minutes consoling HER that it was perfectly okay for her to ask me this. Everyone isn't a good fit for everyone else, and that's okay.
If you are coming off angry though, it can impact your life, my ex had a lot of issues with jobs etc because he would get loud and appear scary or angry to people.
I always thought that most people consider New Yorkers' tone as curt and flippant, and their personalities as sarcastic and passive-aggressive.... at least the Big Apple denizens.
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