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So many parents never chase their kids. I was terrified for a while my mom would come find me. My dad too. They barely tried. More people o have talked to about this, their parents don't chase them too hard. You plug the holes of how they can contact you, you make it clear if you want contact then you will contact them.
Just asking. Because this thanksgiving started good and ended bad. Mainly because of my parents inability to take responsibility for their actions and talk about things that have been bothering me since I was a child. My dad is dismissive and would rather sweep everything under the rug and my mom is a mild narcissist who can't do any wrong and worships her dog. Heres a short story:
My parents ended up packing up and leaving early today because of a massive blow up between me (I started it) and them. My mom has NO respect for the way we do things in our household. She cannot function without her precious dog, which is fine, whatever floats her boat. And my dad can't do any wrong at all. Claims he's never done anything wrong in regards to raising me and when I bring up anything that I know he can't argue, he just chuckles and tries to brush it off. To me, that is massively disrespectful and childish as well as dismissive.
Today I have had enough! We have ONE inside dog, a chocolate lab, that is very WELL trained. The deal is is that when he comes in, we have him sit on the entry way rug to allow his feet to dry before walking around on our carpet. If we don't do that, the carpet will start to smell over time. A stinky smelly house is absolutely unacceptable to my wife and I. We politely told my mom how we would like her to do things with her dog. She agreed and then I observed her following our rules the first few times, then she just casually "didn't". I called her out on it politely and she said she "forgot". BULLSH**! Theres no way she forgot! Then she went back to following the rules, and then I once again observed her doing whatever she wanted and letting her dog in and allowing it to run around our carpet....not ok. We don't mind if the dog is inside, just follow our rules please. She can't do it, probably because its not important to her. And why do I assume that its not important to her? Well because I have had to sit and listen to her complain about how we don't lock our doors at night, both on our house and our vehicles, how we leave our shop open, this and blah blah blah. OK she's paranoid and has been since I can remember.
WE live out in the sticks. Nothing remotely dangerous is going to happen, expect maybe a bear get into the garbage or an elk lick our windows. We intentionally moved here to escape the retarded culture of city life. Anyways, I have told her to not be so worried about it and she replies with "well its not important to you guys, but it is to me." That right there immediately tells me that she does whatever is important to her, and if its not, well she just wont do it. Which is why I can ONLY assume that she had no respect for our rules, and simply tried to humor me (us). The icing on the cake was today, after breakfast, I was cleaning up because my wife cooks. I had cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed etc, swept the floors, yo name it, I cleaned it. Well my mother had her freekin PINK sweatshirt laying on the floor for her dog(blue heeler, Australian shepard mix) to lay on....there was hair all over it. She picks it up off the floor and proceeds to shake it vigorously, obviously in an attempt to shake the hair off. Upon observing this, I felt my forehead begin to sweat immediately and the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I, calmly as I could, asked her to please not do that because of that hair, at which point she walked over closer to me and shook it again, clearly out of spite.
I lost it and the rest is history. I blew up and started yelling and told both of my parents that I have had enough of their ignorant dismissive disrespectful behavior and that they need to leave unless they can talk about this sh**! They, as usual, acted as if they did nothing wrong, didnt say much, packed up and left. I really dont care to see them on any holiday ever again and quite honestly do not want them at my house again. My dad is fine except for his inability to talk about things. My mom on the other hand....shes a basket case for which I have no theories as to why she behaves the way she does.....All I can think of is that her dad always spoke down to her and controlled her every move till she moved out. She's neurotic i guess.
Assuming the coordinates you posted are legit and the context of your post you live in the perfect place.
I can't imagine moving to another part of the country, losing contact with friends and colleagues, changing phone numbers and other identifiable information just so your parents won't come to your house.
agree also, zentropa, somehow the whole family character is questionable, and maturity has not been seen at either end. Oh well, we can always blame the parents.....lolol.
In some cases, with personality problems prevalent, it can be true that these parents are the only people in the universe that truly love you. If one is willing to live with that, then running away instead of being the adult figure may be your only recourse. Sounds rather lonely to me. And rather repetitive behavior to me.
I wish you the best, and to the parents as well. You'd all have happier lives with counseling to sort out this chip. Life is too short to thrive on misery.
Wow. Obviously this isn't about the dog or the doors. If you overreact like that they aren't going to hear anything you're saying. Sit down and talk to them like an adult and maybe they'll treat you like an adult.
First, it seems as if your Mom's dog is a sore point. If you invite them again, tell her that they are welcomed but the dog is not. If they refuse to come w/o the dog oh well.
Second you need to read this carefully. Chances are that one day your folks are going to be gone. At that point and time you will have a whole right through you. Your Mom sounds as if she may have some mental health issues. Your Dad will never change as he was raised the way he is. If you knew your Grandparents then try to remember how they were.
My folks are gone. It has been 12 years since my Dad died and 2 years that my Mom died. I miss them ever day. With all of our fights and family issues, some were big ones, I would not change having the two people that brought me into the World for anything. I feel for you. However, look a bit deeper to try and understand what is wrong.
After they are gone you being right means nothing. If you love them , tell them. Tell both of them. Trust me you won't regret it.
Please see my post on "Parental Estrangement". I do not hate my mother or my dad. They were too young to be parents and had no clue. My dad abandoned me, paid little or no child support and still wanted to move a mobile home on our acreage. Excuse me? I visited him a few years ago but feel absolutely nothing toward him but sadness. It was more important for him to drink, gamble, and pick up women (he says I have no siblings but....). He made his choices. My stepfather beat me with a thick police belt (with the bullets) and my mother did nothing and says it never happened. I can still see that coiled up belt on the daybed ready to strike like a snake. I really don't feel much for her either. My stepfather: pure hatred. But he died after 10 years of being ill so karma got him and I don't have to abandon groceries in the aisle due to panic attacks when I used to shop where they did. Yours sound like okay compared to mine. I guess we will both be asking for a good therapist tomorrow. Good luck.
Well, I don't hate my parents. But similar to the OP I am driven crazy by the hoard of dogs my mother has, and the cat she has that I am deathly allergic to. It has resulted in me visiting them much less often. When I moved back to my home town I would visit once a week but now it is once a month or less and we get dinner once a week out at a restaurant.
My house has no animals, and it will never have any. My parents and I could not be any more different in that regard. And neither are their animals invited to my house. In the future op just stress to your parents that they can't bring their pets.
The bringing the pet thing is odd.
We have indoor only cats. I'm a dedicated cat lover and have been this way all my life. But, I'd never bring any of them with us if we were to visit friends or relatives. We'd find a person to care for them while we were gone, if necessary.
By the same token, I don't like dogs for a number of reasons and people are not welcome to bring their dogs into our home. We shouldn't be expected to take them in, either. If someone brings a dog, the dog can stay outside. However, if the people we are visiting have dogs in the home, I keep my mouth shut and just stay as far away from the dog as possible.
I expect the same respect given in our home as we would give in someone else's domicile.
For a guy that lives out in the boonies and doesn't like city life, you sound a little anal and rigid to me. Just lock that dang doors....... jeeze.
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