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I need to just go get some serious therapy. Because this is never going to go away. No amount of alcohol, weed, and anger is ever going to make this disappear. No book has yet to give the tools I so desire to cope. So therapy it is.
Well, I don't hate my parents. But similar to the OP I am driven crazy by the hoard of dogs my mother has, and the cat she has that I am deathly allergic to. It has resulted in me visiting them much less often. When I moved back to my home town I would visit once a week but now it is once a month or less and we get dinner once a week out at a restaurant.
My house has no animals, and it will never have any. My parents and I could not be any more different in that regard. And neither are their animals invited to my house. In the future op just stress to your parents that they can't bring their pets.
Is there absolutely nothing positive that you can say about your parents? I presume they provided for you, made sure you had everything you needed, got an education, and you obviously were lucky enough to find a wife of your own. You need to remember that the relationship your parents have/had is theirs - not yours. I don't think they need to explain anything to you about how they relate to each other. You're grown up now and on your own - if you felt this way about them why did you invite them anyway? I think you were looking for an excuse to confront them and blow up so that you can continue this rage you're in over how mistreated you've been your whole life....there is a difference between a discussion and a yelling match.
Parents are human, they aren't perfect. I'm sure they put up with a LOT of crap from you over the years - and you blow up over dog hair and some wet dog paws on your carpet. I think you missed the entire meaning of what thanksgiving is all about this year.....someday when you no longer have the option of inviting them over, or seeing them sit at your table ever again - I hope the memories you made this holiday season come back to comfort you. What goes around comes around.
OK really? Please spare me the drugstore psychology....
Will start off by defending mom and dad. They are correct when having concerns for your safety and in locking you home and cars. If you were burglarized your insurance carrier can deny a claim. Living way out doesnt make you safe and you can be found by someone out to do mischief. Secondly where did dragging pets around to others homes become 'in'? My family have all been lovers of animals and also owned them but pets not included to tag along to family functions. Who started that ridiculous trend? Do parents live out of state? Sounds like the family has been dysfunctional for years and the animosity just keeps on giving. The defiance of mom takes the cake with shaking the towel and spewing more hair around. Alot of narcissistic tendencys in play here as everyone is totally perfect and never at fault for anything. I would forget the family get togethers and if you do have them go in the warmer months, to a park,have a cookout, take all the pets and then go home.If that wont work then stay away from one another. Looks like too many chiefs and too few indians here. Good luck on Christmas if you dare.
You must have the luxury of a functional family. I didn't use the holiday to unload on my guests.....the situation arose and I'm not going to continue to backdown and digress. At 28 years old, I've had just about enough of my parents sh**. I'm about to disown them!
Sounds like you don't want any real discussion about your interactions or relationship with your parents, you just wanted to vent. Or perhaps you expect sympathy or maybe a "who can top this" competitive b****fest thread about who has the worst parents.
Obviously you have unresolved issues with your parents ( and who doesn't, we are all human after all), and you may find some of those conflicts will become less important to you as you get older and gain your own life perspectives. But right now IMO you sound like a petulant child in your description of your Thanksgiving Day with your parents.
As for answering your question about others hating their parents, personally issues with my parents included growing up and trying to deal in adulthood with an alcoholic abusive father and an enabling emotionally abusive mother who blamed us children for ruining her adult life. But I found being treated that with little or no support of any kind from them from our teenage years on made us all strong, self-reliant individuals determined to make our own ways, which we did. For that much I can be grateful, and our childhood was a very long time ago. My father is dead and my mother at age 89, has become dependent in many ways on me and my family, and I wouldn't think of not doing what I could for her.
I don't hate either of my parents, IMO it's self-defeating to harbor those feelings and it's a waste of time. What happened to me as a child and as a young adult with my parents happened, much of it was beyond my control, but it's past. I figured it's my adulthood to do with as I like, and I never let those old feelings or conflicts ruin my adult life.
Will start off by defending mom and dad. They are correct when having concerns for your safety and in locking you home and cars. If you were burglarized your insurance carrier can deny a claim. Living way out doesnt make you safe and you can be found by someone out to do mischief. Secondly where did dragging pets around to others homes become 'in'? My family have all been lovers of animals and also owned them but pets not included to tag along to family functions. Who started that ridiculous trend? Do parents live out of state? Sounds like the family has been dysfunctional for years and the animosity just keeps on giving. The defiance of mom takes the cake with shaking the towel and spewing more hair around. Alot of narcissistic tendencys in play here as everyone is totally perfect and never at fault for anything. I would forget the family get togethers and if you do have them go in the warmer months, to a park,have a cookout, take all the pets and then go home.If that wont work then stay away from one another. Looks like too many chiefs and too few indians here. Good luck on Christmas if you dare.
I have no idea where that trend comes from. And we aren't having ANYONE over for x mas, nor are we going anywhere for x mas. Wife and I agreed to stay here, just us 5 for x mas. My mothers dog is elderly and she told me that if I wouldn't allow her dog to come inside the house then she wouldn't come over for thanksgiving....I forgot to say that. So in essence she pretty much said she would choose her stupid dog over her grandkids.
I hate it when people come to these threads to serve up a pile of "they will be dead soon" guilt. Bottom line, if you can't deal with your parents, you can't deal with your parents. If they did their best, and their best wasn't good enough...why should you continue to honor them?
Also the down playing the the fighting in front of him. That is damaging. Do you know how terrifying it is to see your parents scream at eachother? Especially if it's day in and day out. It's trauma.
OP, curious, does being around your parents bring up a lot of anger? Do you feel like it is damaging to you? If so, you have the right not to seem them when and if you feel like you would enjoy seeing them.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,701 posts, read 41,816,786 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
I hate it when people come to these threads to serve up a pile of "they will be dead soon" guilt. Bottom line, if you can't deal with your parents, you can't deal with your parents. If they did their best, and their best wasn't good enough...why should you continue to honor them?
Also the down playing the the fighting in front of him. That is damaging. Do you know how terrifying it is to see your parents scream at eachother? Especially if it's day in and day out. It's trauma.
OP, curious, does being around your parents bring up a lot of anger? Do you feel like it is damaging to you? If so, you have the right not to seem them when and if you feel like you would enjoy seeing them.
Thank you. I also have a problem with people getting on the OP about the matter with the dog. At the end of the day the OP is paying the note or rent on the house, so if they want to have a rule that everyone should wear pink hair in the house when they visit, as the one who pays the bills there, that is their right and the guests responsibility to obey or don't visit.
OP, if you feel compelled to invite your parents over again, do so, but draw a HARD line on the dog and say it ain't allowed.
I have no idea where that trend comes from. And we aren't having ANYONE over for x mas, nor are we going anywhere for x mas. Wife and I agreed to stay here, just us 5 for x mas. My mothers dog is elderly and she told me that if I wouldn't allow her dog to come inside the house then she wouldn't come over for thanksgiving....I forgot to say that. So in essence she pretty much said she would choose her stupid dog over her grandkids.
Well then its you the wife and children. It will be a nice time for you all so guess you will have a great christmas. My family never was a problem to any of us which I am grateful for. My in laws also were great people. Guess I just feel badly when other familys werent like mine. We werent perfect by any stretch but enjoyed when we were together and miss them all to this day. I have five grandchildren and cant imagine letting anything but distance keeping me from them. Funny thing is when Christmas gets here I probably will be thinking of you and your family and the peace you will be enjoying.
OP, you were already on edge when your parents arrived. I LOVE my dogs, but I respect other people's houses. I'd have lost it too if I had someone deliberately shake dog hair on the floor right in front of me after I'd finished cleaning up. She was obviously looking for a fight and she got one.
Maybe given time, you will speak to them again, but I don't blame you at all. They were rude and inconsiderate to you in your own house. Not acceptable in my books.
My husband and I and our toddler came close to stalking out of my mom's house one Christmas day. Our 3 son had done something we didn't approve of and we disciplined him. My mother jumped in and spoke against our parenting methods with our son standing right there listening. I was so furious that I was ready to pack it in, but we talked it out, told her not to interfere with our parenting, settled down and had Christmas dinner together. There were a few more incidents like that through the years, but she knew her limits on interfering.
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